broken

[LonghornNiner 75]

You know when I first thought about getting this surgery I had all these visions of me doing things I could never do because of weight or health issues. In these visions I had my best friend and wonderful gf of 10 years by my side. I never thought in a million years she would leave me. 3 weeks ago I wake to find her in the living room crying. I ask her what's wrong and she proceeds to tell me she can't take it anymore and she told me she was seeing someone else. She told me it was her and not me for all this happening. I begged her to tell me why she would end a wonderful relationship like this and she told me I changed to much. I do not look the same or feel the same to her. I am not the man she fell in love with anymore she said. I have lived for this woman for 10 years. I woke for her and went to bed with her on my mind. She was my first for everything. Why would she do this!!! I am a better man now. I will live longer. I am no longer on insulin. I did this all for us. I do not know what to think or do. I am lost and I am broken. I even got a second job with all this energy and saved money to get her a cruise for what would of been our 10yr anniversary next month. I just wish I could have peace of mind right now. I didn't know where else to write about this so I am sorry for complaining here. All I want is an answer to why this happened. Even though I don't regret the surgery, I feel so ashamed and guilty for not thinking about how my weight loss would make her feel.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

One thing I've noticed from cheaters is they don't take responsibility for their actions. It's always the other person's fault. "You don't do this, you're not the same, blah blah! " There are far better ways to end a relationship than straight up betrayal!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine how you feel. I hope you find peace and move on. 10 years is a long time and it will take time to heal. I can assure you that you are not broken and you will find someone who appreciates you! Focus on you now. Good luck to you!

[LonghornNiner 75]

Thank you very much for your kind and encouraging words. Congrats on the success you've had and good luck in your journey as well ~Isaac~

[nursesettie 85]

Sometime we think that the person we love is the right one. Love is loving everything about that person. May be your x did not know that. I am making no excuses for her. She was wrong. I am sorry you are feeling broken. God has a plan. There is the right one out there for you. That person will love you for who you are. They will stay with you through any difficult times or changes. There is a perfect girl out there for you. You said it yourself. You are a better man. Take this a another new journey. Your heart will heal.

[SmilinNC 27]

I totally agree with Nicolanz. At least she confessed...right? It does, hurt now, but you will find peace again. This very potential situation was stressed to me and my partner at my surgery consultation. Apparently, it is a very frequent thing for partners/spouses to breakup/divorce after WLS. When a person has WLS, sometimes the other half just can't deal with the change. So you have to ask yourself, was she really "in love" with you prior to the WLS or did she just "love you." There is a difference in those 2 things. Congrats on your WLS journey and don't give up!!

[nursesettie 85]

Today on Facebook there was a copy of a guy telling people about the right one His name is Austin Gray. He posted it March 26, 2013. Very true to your situation.

[pantala 125]

Isaac, I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I don't have an answer but I have a thought (which could be completely off-base) BUT sometimes a partner has a need to "rescue" or be "the healthy one" who takes care of "the sick one". And as you get healthier and stronger, they lose that role. Some people can't grow out of that and feel so disoriented they leave.

[punzel426 19]

So sorry up hear your about your broken heart. I

U d'état and how you feel but what I would say is don't blame yourself AT ALL!!! I think there may be many contributing factors here but pretty certain the surgery ain't one. She probably accustomed with the unhappy, unhealthy and maybe less attractive version of you and some people like to feel like they ate a hero to their partner to feel needed. Especially us woman at we like to fix what's broken and that just be it, there was nothing for her to fix, you were perfect and only getting better all around. Hopefully, time and distance will both help you realize where u truly belong. I actually read a quote today " if its True love you will always find each other in the end". Good luck to you and stay strong, let this inspire greatness!!

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[Beach Lover 1,084]

Isaac,

I truly feel bad for you. Please work on the shame and guilt for your weight loss and how it would affect her. Who would ever think that doing such a positive thing for yourself would be a negative in someone else's eyes especially your girlfriends. You deserve to be happy and proud of your accomplishment!! From what I am picking up on your personality and loyalty to loved ones you are a prize and another girl will recognize this one day. Give yourself time to heal and keep going forward with your new life. I promise you even if you don't see it or feel it right now you have an awesome future! Keep us posted we all care!!

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

Hello there and I am sorry to hear about your situation although it is a sad one, ik that you will make it through this! I don't want to make you tell all of your business but it makes me wonder that with a 10 year relationship why you guys never committed to marriage. And if you are honest with yourself take a step back and go over the years and see why you guys never made a permanent commitment,whether it was you or her. Because although she's making it seem like it was because you changed and she can't handle it, after being with someone ten years you would think that she could have talked to you before cheating on you!! Basically what I'm trying to say is that, don't let her turn your success story into a regret story because of her wrong choices! I pray that God helps u get threw this, take one day at a time, just like with the surgery. You are a healthier u. Nd if som1 blames you getting healthy for them not lovn u anymore, and cheatn on u, then you will be BETTER OFF WO THEM!! Good luck, n God Bless you and know that you ARE A DIFFERENT PERSON, ONE THAT U SHUD BE PROUD OF... As WE R OF U:). Dee Dee

[LonghornNiner 75]

That's a good question regarding us not getting married and there is an answer I do not mind sharing. Her father has been incarcerated since the 2nd year of our relationship. On the 5th year our relationship I asked her to marry me. I took her to the place we first met and wore the same outfit and did all the same cute things that made her fall for me. It was perfect. She said no. She told me she wanted her father to give her away and that we had to wait. Her father is to be released next year. I respected her wishes. Why would I question the one I love. I accepted her condition and we chose to remain gf and bf. She wore the engagement ring all these years. I did not ask for it back. It belongs to the one it was meant for.

[Vixynne 695]

She is wrong; flat-out, pig-headed wrong, to say the changes in you are the reason she strayed.

You made positive changes for your health, your energy level, your confidence, your appearance, with her in mind. You sacrificed and risked so much in a major surgery and fought your way to a lower weight day in and day out; and you did all of this with her in mind.

Her infidelity didn't happen because YOU changed. It's because of flaws in HER, not in you. For whatever reason, she couldn't accept the new version of you, even though on the inside--the part of you that should connect with a soulmate--that inside never changed a bit.

I know you're hurting right now, and words can't fix that. Only time can. But trust that the flaws in her that led her to stray from your relationship would have come out for one reason or another, whether you were sleeved or not. If you hadn't had the surgery, she might have cheated because one of you aren't on the "right" career track, or over financial strains, from a mid-life crisis, or simply because she just got bored!

It hurts to invest so much time in someone who isn't giving you anything back. However, ten years is better than 30, or 40. As Maya Angelou says, "when someone shows you who they are--believe them." What your gf showed you isn't who you thought she was, who you saw her as, who you dreamed of being with--but it's who she is, and THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

You will find that person who is the perfect fit for you, who will Celebrate everything about you at ANY weight. Meanwhile, give yourself the time you need to heal your heart and learn to trust enough again to find Ms. Better Than This One by A Country Mile--she's out there!

(P.S. When you find her, send Ms. Doesn't Deserve You a lovely thank-you card for getting out of the way and letting your find your true happiness!)

[punzel426 19]

She is wrong; flat-out' date=' pig-headed wrong, to say the changes in you are the reason she strayed.

You made positive changes for your health, your energy level, your confidence, your appearance, with her in mind. You sacrificed and risked so much in a major surgery and fought your way to a lower weight day in and day out; and you did all of this with her in mind.

Her infidelity didn't happen because YOU changed. It's because of flaws in HER, not in you. For whatever reason, she couldn't accept the new version of you, even though on the inside--the part of you that should connect with a soulmate--that inside never changed a bit.

I know you're hurting right now, and words can't fix that. Only time can. But trust that the flaws in her that led her to stray from your relationship would have come out for one reason or another, whether you were sleeved or not. If you hadn't had the surgery, she might have cheated because one of you aren't on the "right" career track, or over financial strains, from a mid-life crisis, or simply because she just got bored!

It hurts to invest so much time in someone who isn't giving you anything back. However, ten years is better than 30, or 40. As Maya Angelou says, "when someone shows you who they are--believe them." What your gf showed you isn't who you thought she was, who you saw her as, who you dreamed of being with--but it's who she is, and THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

You will find that person who is the perfect fit for you, who will Celebrate everything about you at ANY weight. Meanwhile, give yourself the time you need to heal your heart and learn to trust enough again to find Ms. Better Than This One by A Country Mile--she's out there!

(P.S. When you find her, send Ms. Doesn't Deserve You a lovely thank-you card for getting out of the way and letting your find your true happiness!)[/quote']

Great Advice!!!! Perfectly said...

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[DeezJeanz 1,065]

That's a good question regarding us not getting married and there is an answer I do not mind sharing. Her father has been incarcerated since the 2nd year of our relationship. On the 5th year our relationship I asked her to marry me. I took her to the place we first met and wore the same outfit and did all the same cute things that made her fall for me. It was perfect. She said no. She told me she wanted her father to give her away and that we had to wait. Her father is to be released next year. I respected her wishes. Why would I question the one I love. I accepted her condition and we chose to remain gf and bf. She wore the engagement ring all these years. I did not ask for it back. It belongs to the one it was meant for.

Again, don't punish urself for her decision! You seem to have always considered her wishes nd supported her, nd now that u need her support, she flakes. That is not fair, but unfortunately, everyones hearts are not the same. One thing else I'll say, Ty 4 sharing nd I hope that we will and have given u some support. Stay strong, and keep puttn ur needs first for a change, you deserve it! Dee.

P.s., do u still see the wls therapist? He/she may be good to talk too, esp since ur feeling guilt about it. Just a thot:))

[Joe I 180]

It might be hard to see right now but everything happens for a reason. Use this to motivate you to be the best you can be work out hard, get strong, concentrate on you, and soon enough another woman will come along and if not her then perhaps another. Better it happened now than when children are involved.