Loss of a supportive friend

[juliegeraci 7]

I am writing this while I am emotionally have difficulty over the loss of a supportive friend. We were friends for 2 years and he was the backbone of my weight loss journey. 7 months ago we just stopped talking. Says that he needed to do that because he is in a better place now. I don't know what I did but I miss him horibly. I cry all the time and I can't reach out to him. I guess I'm in mourning. He knew what it was like to be overweight. He understood my trials and tribulations. He was my rock, my confidant and I loved him for that. Please give me some sound advice. Contacting him is out of the question.

[jme62 0]

I am so sorry to hear that. He must have his own personal issues that he is going through. Give him time and he might come back around. I wish you the best and you know you have support here.

Good Luck

[sweethot143 2]

i haven't been through your situation, but before I was married I found that when i lost a boyfriend or a good friend I found another one to help me forget about the lost one. Make sense.

I was too busy with a new boyfriend or friend that I didn't feel lonely anymore. I have a personality that i hate being alone, if i'm home alone i'm on the phone. I love being with other people, I never feel like being alone. The more the merrier is my attitude.

So maybe if you start hanging with another person or go out and shop or do somethings.

I find that when I am with friends even good ones, I don't talk a lot about myself or my problems, others are attracted to people with confidence. If someone asks me how I am, even if i am crappy, I'm great. I don't complain about anything. I used to be different, but now I have a lot more friends with a new positive outlook on life. When i need to vent or complain I do it on this forum basically, and very occasionally I will confide in a good friend. I also tell my husbnad everything. I don't want to drag people down with my dramas, you know what I mean.

[conniesueb 1]

Is there a lap-band support group that meets in your town? If so, maybe you could make some new friends there--they would certainly understand what you are going through with this journey. I am going to my first support group meeting on January 9, and am really looking forward to meeting some new people and maybe making some friends. And like someone else said, these boards are an excellent source of comfort and understanding. Hang in there!

[jahair 0]

I am writing this while I am emotionally have difficulty over the loss of a supportive friend. We were friends for 2 years and he was the backbone of my weight loss journey. 7 months ago we just stopped talking. Says that he needed to do that because he is in a better place now. I don't know what I did but I miss him horibly. I cry all the time and I can't reach out to him. I guess I'm in mourning. He knew what it was like to be overweight. He understood my trials and tribulations. He was my rock, my confidant and I loved him for that. Please give me some sound advice. Contacting him is out of the question.

Dear Julie,

What a big loss to lose such a supportive friend, it must be hard to hear that he says he's in a better place now rather than continue the relationship. But I understand his viewpoint completely.

Some years back I was very close to a woman who did some part-time work for me. We enjoyed working together and talked often. At the time, both she and I were deep in the middle of our own personal bouts of depression. So we talked and commiserated about life. As my meds kicked in and I began feeling better, I began to notice that the tone of all our conversations were the same. She could complain and moan about how bad things were for her, but there never seemed to be time for me to be the one who received needed encouragement and support. The relationship was not one of "give and take", rather it was, "I give and she takes". I noticed that I felt worse and worse after our phone calls and there was no positive energy.

So I began to disengage; calling less, talking less and leaving the calls more focused on the work. To this day, we are still friends and care deeply for each other. But for my "psychic protection" I keep the calls short and few and far between.

I don't know if my story rings any bells of recognition for you, but it is entirely possible to be very close to someone for a while and then find that your paths diverge. For you it could mean that someone new is waiting to come into your life.

In the meantime, what are you doing for YOU that nurtures you in this period? Do you need some help managing your sadness and loss? Maybe it's time to reach out and see your doctor for some advice on handling the sadness.

We're all pulling for you!

Jo Ann

[S@ssen@ch 745]

Oh my, what a terrible loss you are suffering. If you were very close, and it sounds like you were, this is like losing a family member (a loved one).

Know that any one of us here on LapBand Talk are here to listen and offer our support.......for whatever.

I also second the suggestion to seek support with a local lap band support group. If you could find others with similar interests and needs, you could find yourself with a new lifeline. If there are no lap band support groups, a simple weight loss support group would also work. There are loss groups, mourning and grief groups, you name it. A doctor could guide you, your local clergy, ask around. Good luck.

[Victoriana 10]

Dear JulieG, I hope that you can take what I say as helpfull, and I am sad that your main support person has opt-ed out, it really leaves a big hole.

What concerns me is that we all need a network for support, not just one person to bear the main burden (as it were). I dont know, perhaps you do have a network of face to face people, not just us here.

We need human companionship, but as Jahair said, sometimes we dont realize that some relationships arent really support, but enabling.

Sometimes the forbidden relationship causes it to appear more appealing than it really should be.

I hope that your can connect with several people, even be the support for someone elses journey through thier rough places. We all have them. Please do not isolate and focus on what you dont have, it will drain you of happiness and ambition. Your sound like you have a heart of gold, and its breaking. You are worth the effort it can take to reach out to others. Dont let the rejection of this relationship cause you to not reach out for help with someone else.

You have recognized the value that a supportive friend adds to life, Just think if you had ten of them!

I really hope you press on with this, the need for relationship is normal and inside each of us.

Did you know that if a newborn is fed, clean and left alone without human contact they usually die? I wish I could cite the research I read on this once. I was stunned and I never forgot how important the touch from another person was so powerful.

I dont think you are odd, or wired wrong, I just think that now you are recognizing your need and that is the first step in getting it met, right?

You are precious. Dont forget it.

[derbygirl 0]

Argh...the supporters. That's the thing. You CAN'T COUNT ON THEM to be supportive!! I remember before surgery the counselor asked me who would be there to support me through my weight-loss journey. My answer was basically NOBODY.

I have lost significant amounts of weight in the past and been abandoned by jealous friends and even family members. It drove me back to eating every time. And then, guess what? When I regained, those people wanted to be my friend again.

That's when I realized that MY ROLE was "The Fat Girl". Everyone was apparently gaging their own bodies and self-worth by comparing themselves to me. So when I lost weight, they suddenly felt bad about themselves and being around me wasn't as fun for them due to their insecurities.

As tough as it is to swallow, you (and everyone else here) probably has a friend or two that honestly prefers that you don't lose another pound. It's not their fault--they're not bad people. They just have issues, like everyone does.

Of course, it could be that you lost this friend because of some other reason. But my point is that you are doing this ALONE. It's YOUR JOURNEY. Try not to lean on others for support because they may not always be there.

[juliegeraci 7]

Thank you everyone for your support. Everything I have read here is correct. I just need to stay focused and find some new supportive friends. Thanks again and Happy new Years.

[MiniPearl#2 0]

Happy new years everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111