having trouble accepting compliments :(

[skinnywithin 23]

I had my surgery 11/30/2012 and since I have lost 60 pounds, and -37 inches. I never realized though, that my mind would be so far behind my weight loss. I catch my self in mirrors or my reflection in windows and think "oh I like this mirror it makes me look skinny" one day it happened a few different times during the day when i suddenly realized that maybe I am that small? I realized that every mirror, or window isn't all a 'skinny' one lol. but a big part of me is still scared to wrap my mind around it. I recently attended a wedding where there were relatives there that I haven seen for a good year. they were shocked at how I look now and kept saying that i look soo good and amazing. you would think it would boost my confidence, or make me feel good, but it instead made me feel almost vulnerable....it was weird. I guess Ive spent my whole life hiding from attention and now there I was in the middle of it, with all eyes on my changed image. I had to force out a "thanks" with a smile but inside I wanted to run and hide. I realized that I have trouble knowing how to accept a compliment....I am so used to putting myself down after someone says something nice that i dont know how to do anything else. I guess I need help lol I never expected this or prepared for it.....does anyone else have this problem?

[Macy6 356]

I have not had surgery, but struggle with compliments. I am a baker, and a cook and tend to be on the creative side so I tend to be complimented frequently in those areas. My response is generally a "oh uh hmmm yeah" followed by a spastic look down, up and to the side and a fast get away. I have a friend who told me, you need to realize when people compliment you, they do it because they like something about you, or what you did. It isn't meant to make you uncomfortable, it isn't them being snotty or hurtful. She also said I know you are used to being rejected and hurt, and the idea of a compliment is foreign but you need to own up to that compliment and outright say "Thank you" that is it. Then you need to realize that you deserve the compliment, and you need to be proud of it.

We all have our demons, and have all been rejected and hurt in one way or another. When someone gives you a compliment, just say thank you, and mean it. Maybe try to envision what they are seeing, or complimenting on and understand why they would compliment you. You deserve the compliment, otherwise they wouldn't give it to you.

[DonRodolfo 1,416]

In middle school, my teacher was impressed by the work I had done on a particular project. She kept trying to compliment me and I kept downplaying it as I felt uncomfortable with all the praise. She called me into the hallway and tore me a new one!

Now I just say "thank you".

[joatsaint 2,814]

I too have problems accepting compliments.

I've been overweight since grade school, so I've been a target my whole life. I spent much of my school day trying to go unnoticed. Part of the reason I work in technology is because I get along with computers better than people.

So it's hard to get used to having people say nice things about my weight loss. I just say, "Thank you." and hope they go on their way.

But it does get annoying when the same people compliment my weight loss every week - especially when I've been stuck at a certain weight for 2 weeks in a row. :-)

[devichan 79]

An older gentleman I knew said once that when you decline a compliment, you insult the giver's taste and/or intelligence and/or feelings. It helps me accept compliments when I remember that, because I don't want to even take a chance on insulting someone. I don't know if you can believe what he said, but maybe thinking about that might help?

[HatheryOnHerWay 603]

My problem with compliments on weight loss is that they always seem to provoke a barrage of follow-up questions I have no desire whatsoever to answer.

[skinnywithin 23]

My problem with compliments on weight loss is that they always seem to provoke a barrage of follow-up questions I have no desire whatsoever to answer.

Yes!!!! That's part of it!!! I never know how to answer the rest of the questions too. I want to but I just can't find the right words and I'm always scared of criticism because I had wls.

[skinnywithin 23]

An older gentleman I knew said once that when you decline a compliment, you insult the giver's taste and/or intelligence and/or feelings. It helps me accept compliments when I remember that, because I don't want to even take a chance on insulting someone. I don't know if you can believe what he said, but maybe thinking about that might help?

Yes it will help I think now that I look at it that way. Thanks for showing me that perspective :-)

[buplee 556]

I find it hard to accept compliments because all I see when I look in the mirror is how much I still need to lose. My wife is encouraging me to go clothes shopping, but I don't see the point yet. I told her the ones I have are fitting fine. She said I look like I am wearing clothes that belong to someone else.