overweight friend

[Marie3181 5]

Ok, I think this may have been brought up in previous threads, but it was so long ago I can't remember what the general consensus was.

A friend of mine is morbidly obese. I've known him for years and he's the coolest guy, but I can see the pain that being overweight gives him. He constantly breathes heavily, like he can't catch his breath; we went to a baseball game this weekend and he was so uncomfortable in the seat because he could barely fit in it. I'm not judging, because, hey, we've all been there. But here's my question: I think he could really benefit from LapBand surgery, but I don't know if 1)I should bring it up, or 2)there's any tactful way to do so.

He knows I have the band, and he knows that since my last fill I've finally been enjoying some weightloss. How does one broach that subject? Shit, I don't know his medical history, maybe there's some other explanation for his obesity besides overeating (but, going on my own personal experience, I'm guessing there's not). And obviously, he knows he's overweight. I mean, I would get FURIOUS at my mom when she'd gently try to broach the subject with me and start that, "why don't you try exercise or some different foods?" b.s.

I just hate to see him so unhappy and unhealthy. Any thoughts?

p.s. I finally put a photo of my on my avatar but b/c it's so small it makes one of my eyes look all wonky, lol

[Alexandra 55]

I think you've already brought it up, in that he knows your story and is seeing your success. I'm sure the thought has crossed his mind that if it's working for you it might work for him. But perhaps he has some obstacle you're not aware of, whether psychological or financial or physical or whatever.

You're being a good friend just by being willing to talk about and share your own experience. Be available and keep mentioning it, and he might very well ask you someday.

[Marie3181 5]

You're right - I guess if he wants to know more about it, he'll ask me. Thanks!

[New Hope 37]

I think you're living an excellent example of "banding". You're a very caring friend. But he'll have to be ready "emotionally" to make a lifestyle change for himself. Each of us has had to reach a certain point (for numerous different reasons) to become bandsters.

[MeganA 35]

In situations like this I always try to think of what I would have wanted my friend to do- and it sounds like you've done it already. I'd want them to be patient with me- because I would be watching like a hawk to see how things go for them....

It's hard when I'm so excited about my weightloss that there are nights I can't fall asleep- I want to tell the world! But I know that before I was ready to even discuss WLS, I would have been defensive and the message wouldn't have gotten through.

I'm sure that has you have success, he's watching your every move...and one day just when you've resigned yourself that he will never ask about it for himself, then it will happen.

You sound like a good friend :-)

Megan

[Marie3181 5]

Thank you! You guys are so sweet :cool:

[La_madam 20]

My brother lives with my husband , kids and I. He is morbidly obese too. He was thinkking of doing the band also but wanted to wait and see how I did, he has watched my success. He made a decision but not to have the band but to lose weight. He is now going through a medically supervised wieght loss porgram and now has me beat with a loss of 50.5 pounds( Damn men they lose so fast). I 'm so happy for him becasue like your friend I see the pain in him. He has no girlfriend and doesnt go out much and believe me he is a hottie and the most sweetest man I have ever known. I have told him many times that the woman he marrys will be the luckiest women in the world. Since his weight loss in a little over a month he is now starting to go out and do things his self confidence is blossoming. Maybe once your friend sees how successful you are he may ask you about it. I have come to the conclusion that one has to be ready to make a change and want to lose wieght, no one can make it for you. I'm sure when he is ready he will and you will be there for him with support and guidance all the way!

[Marie3181 5]

I totally agree. I remember the first time I heard about the band was when my best gal-pal was getting it done and my mom made some snarky comment like, "I suppose you'll be wanting to have it now too?" and I told her no way. I couldn't imagine restricting myself to such a small amount of food. Then, the more research I did on it and my mom did on it, she thought maybe I should give it some serious thought. After doing a ton *more* research, I was finally convinced it was right for me, but I guess the only way I could come to that conclusion was by checking it out for myself.

My friend is the same way as your brother - he's the sweetest guy, a real cutie, but always having crushes on girls that just want to be "friends". He's to the point where he's pretty bitter about relationships, and it doesn't help that his younger brother is getting married soon. As awful as it is, we just don't live in a society where morbidly obese men and women are the ideal. It's hard to find a date when you're overweight, not just because the aesthetic odds are against you, but because you lack the self-esteem to put yourself out there.

I swear they should make "learning to have a healthy body image" a required class in all grade schools!!

p.s. Michelle - we have nearly the same starting weights and current weights (except I'm glad you were able to lose it faster than me!!) - I'm curious - what's your height?

[La_madam 20]

Hi Marie

I'm the same height as you 5'6

[New Hope 37]

It really helps when bandsters post their weights and height.

[bushbaby 8]

My friend had the bypass about 8 years ago just before we met. She looked great. I never asked her about it and one day she said that I should do it. I was offended. I did not want her to think about my weight let alone mention it to me. But I steped back and she said nothing in malace so I just told her that the bypass was not an option for me. Our friendship did not every suffer. I knew her intention was good. I was banded this July and she was extactic and now I get it. Sometimes she's the only one who gets me...outside of this forum. She and I have grown closer, however I choose my own time and place to get this done and when I acctually decided to do this I really did not have our first conversation in mind. I don't know if this helps you or not...but on the chance it does I thought I would post it... Good Luck

[hagerteresa 3]

I think it could be all of the possibilies listed above but for me, my biggest obstacle was money. My stinkin insurance wouldn't cover anything, and I would have had the by-pass done years ago if I could have afforded it. Thank God the band has come out since then. My friends know my weight is an issue, not out of meanness but they all want me to be healthy. My boss at the B&B even joined weight watchers with me at one point. She has always offered to do this or that to help motivate me. I don't mind at all. They hate to see me moving slowly and sorely and just want the best for me. Have you asked your friend about exercising together? I find Water aerobics really fun and easy on the joints. Best wishes and good luck, Teresa

[Marie3181 5]

Cool, Michelle, we're like twinsies! =)

That's a good idea, Teresa. Maybe I'll invite him over to walk the puppy with me or something....

Bushbaby - is your friend still doing well with the bypass?

[claraluz 2]

My brother and sister both mentioned to me that they thought I should consider wls and I was very offended. I still wanted to believe that I could do it on my own even though the last ten years experience provided plenty of evidence that I couldn't. When they suggested weight loss surgery I felt it meant that they didn't believe in me. It sounds kind of crazy to me now, but that's how I felt at the time. Your friend certainly knows he can come to you if he wants more information about the lap band. My advice is to leave it at that.

Nancy

[New Hope 37]

I just wore big, baggy dark clothes for years and thought everything was covered up. A friend had bypass surgery 3 years ago and took it upon herself to bring me some of her "too big clothes". Wake up call! She's an o.r. nurse where I had my band installed 5/04. I hadn't seen her in over a year. I saw her right before I went into the o.r. She'd gained back a LOT of weight. I was so happy I was getting a band! Now, maybe I can take her some of my "too big clothes."