Breakups SUCK!

[Carlene 12]

I've had 2 non-committal makeout sessions with guys this week - one that resulted in 'services' rendered for one man. It's not a good thing.

This may be more self-esteem related than sex addiction - a not uncommon thing in fat (or formerly fat) women. Going out with men who use you is very bad for your self-esteem. What you need is a brand new boyfriend - one who doesn't have so much baggage, and who isn't such a little boy at heart. Tell the ex to find himself a new counselor (aka shoulder to cry on). If the guys from the casual makeout sessions pop back up, be busy and don't return their calls. It's time to start over, with a clean slate and a new, I-deserve-to-be-treated-like-a-princess attitude. After all, who would try and grope a princess on the first date?

[puddin 7]

Carlene, you're like this wise, wise person. Yes, it could be a self-esteem issue, but I think it's also related to a sex addiction. I had this prior to getting fat as well. But yes, I enable these men to use me, but they knew I was using them, too. I won't return their calls.

I went out with the 6'8" man last night. I just sat and compared him to my ex-boyfriend all night in my mind. I'm simply not ready to date again. A clean slate for me means no dating for a few months, I think. I need to face this problem head-on, rather than masking the feelings with someone else's company. I'll keep busy, but leave men out of the equation for at least a month.

[Carlene 12]

Carlene, you're like this wise, wise person.

Or this really old person....LOL

A clean slate for me means no dating for a few months, I think. I need to face this problem head-on, rather than masking the feelings with someone else's company. I'll keep busy, but leave men out of the equation for at least a month.

Very sound thinking. If you can manage this, you will have, at month's end, a whole new sense of respect for yourself AND more control over your life than you've had in a long time.

[puddin 7]

Very sound thinking. If you can manage this, you will have, at month's end, a whole new sense of respect for yourself AND more control over your life than you've had in a long time.

I think so. Thanks again for all the advice and support. I'll just have to grieve for awhile and slowly get over this and hope to high heaven that he doesn't try to get me back soon.

[DrewsLou 3]

Puddin... I just want to tell you how brave I think you are for admitting all of this here. I know exactly where you are coming from with the sex addiction kinda thing... I was in that exact place for years before I met my husband. I just want to you to know I think you have guts girl!

[Alicia521 0]

I can relate to this as well. In college, I had many one night stands with way too many guys. Of had hook-up type relationships where we would sleep together the first date and only date a few weeks/months. For me, it wasn’t so much that I was addicted to sex but a combination of several things.

1. I had low self esteem and tried to find my self worth through these guys accepting me. That was the main one!

2. The thrill of taking someone new home.

3. I was afraid of commitment so I could have the sex without worrying about the relationship that normally goes with it.

4. I drank too much and compromised my values because of it.

Fortunately I met my husband the end of my college years and I realized that there is more to life than men using me for sex or more to life than just sex in general. I realized I was worthy of being respected and loved for who I am.

So Puddin’ my advice to you would be to stick with your heart and values. If you know that you don’t want a sexual relationship right now, then don’t settle for anything less. If it requires you being single and not dating for a few months, there is nothing wrong with that. Also, with losing weight I think we tend to have to find ourselves again, so this could give you time to rediscover what you love about yourself and what kind of person you want to be with. Good luck girl!

[Carlene 12]

I think so. Thanks again for all the advice and support. I'll just have to grieve for awhile and slowly get over this and hope to high heaven that he doesn't try to get me back soon.

Oh, but he WILL. That's why you have to be strong.

[puddin 7]

I will really, really try to be strong. I will try not to text him or email him, even if he does it to me. Maybe in a couple months I'll revisit this. If I still love him, I'll give him a call, but try to only if I'm strong emotionally.

I talked to my bishop (religious leader) on Sunday. He says I do have some repenting to do, and need to 'step it up' religiously so that I can find my testimony of chastity before marriage again. I think he will help me a lot through this. This is a pretty serious offense in my religion; I really need to find strength through this.

[Josette 2]

Puddin,

I've been in so many of those "relationships" that it could make your head spin. I wasted year after year in those relationships until I realized that I actually didn't have the soulmate that I thought I had...but a guy that said what I wanted to hear to get what he wanted... then broke me down and made me feel not worthy after he got it.

I wouldn't walk away from him.. I'd RUN away from him. I met my husband 2 weeks after FINALLY giving up on a guy that did that to me for a whole year. We had everything in common and I *knew* in my heart he was the guy for me if he'd just realize it himself. What a joke. I blew a year of my life trying to convince him even after he'd say to me "I've always had this picture in my mind of my perfect girl and you're not her...but I like you a lot".

So I met my husband and we don't have much in common but he looks at me and I can see how much he loves me and puts me on a pedestal and never compares me to other women and makes me feel soooo loved. Keep looking and keep your chin up. You'll find your prince charming and don't ever settle for less then a man that makes you feel like the princess you are!

[saul 0]

Puddin

I am so amazed and proud of you and the other posts who brought this issue of "sex addiction" to the light. I am a recovering aholic myself. I have been one my whole life and after I was banded my addiction got even worse. The weight came off the compliments came in and the EGO grew. The ego could not be controlled and I used to reward myself for everything, I used to punish myself and I used to keep me entertained. I was out of control!

I found a therapist who introduced me to a 12 step program and I came out about my addiction to my wife after a few months in the program and with the help of my therapist and sponsor. I am now living a sober lifestyle and although it is hard it has many rewards. I have read your posts and believe you can truly benefit from a similar program. One thing I know for sure is that NO ONE can do it on their own. I tried for years to stop acting out on my own and the longest I ever went was a month. It is an impossible task.

I post this here because I know that many banded people have co morbidities whether it be , alchohol,drugs , , shopping or rage and when we physically can not % " ourselves with food we turn to whatever other addiction is lurking and use that to "satisfy" the hunger that the band has removed from us.

Good luck, you will be in my prayers.

[bkwalling 0]

so how is things with the new guy puddin hope all is well

[puddin 7]

so how is things with the new guy puddin hope all is well

SLOW!!! But he's sweet. There's another new guy besides the new guy who is just sexy as hell - he's this funny italian stallion. But I think he's sort of a player, so as long as he knows I'm using him like he's using me, all should be well!