Societal judgement of "unattractive" versus "attractive" people - a topic on human nature

[Fiddleman 4,376]

The following comment in another thread seemed worthy enough to have its own thread.

People are attracted to people who radiate success. That is human nature I have found. The old saying is true: to make a friend you need to be a friend. I am not an expert on human nature nor or societal judgement of people, but am a keen observer of people in how they interact.

This might come from years and years of seeking out acceptance and always finding rejection when moving among the flow of human interactions. And trying to figure out how to improve it before giving up a few years ago.

Now after striving after fitness goals, I find myself standing with good posture and radiating positive exp<b></b>ression. I look people in the eye and show a real interest in what they are talking about. I am no longer the creepy fat guy staring at people, but the confident fit guy who is fun to talk with. It is a good place to be. Do not tell my wife (or do not get upset honey if you read this), but i get hit on daily when out. Any of you would be surprised at how clever and incognito women can be in doing this, but yes I pick up on it. No intension of ever acting out, but it pumps up my balloon with a little more helium. I hate admitting that, but it is so true!

The way that strangers interact with me is completely different now and it feels good. Everything seems easier! Talking to people, asking for minor requests and more just seems to flow - like Water. I end each day with gratitude in my heart to spare instead of despair about why people reject me or some other internal struggle that manifests itself as depression or anxiety. I feel like each day ends worthwhile, a job well done and I have helped others in small or big ways.

There is also so much more energy and I am not wasting my energy on negativity of any kind. It is not that it is not there; it just bounces off me without effort and none originates from me. I love that and it makes me feel so much "lighter" about life! I hope being this type of person is adding back some lost years. I do not blame my lost years on anyone but myself.

I was very successful in terms of a great marriage, job and family life. However, I was burning up inside with depression and anxiety for a long, long time. This internal struggle immediately improved after surgery and now it is primarily gone which makes me think everything that I perceived about societal human nature from way back in middle school was caused by my interactions with food, even the depression and anxiety is linked back to chemical imbalances caused by eating the wrong balance of food items.

You may or may not agree with me, but that is what I see. I would love to hear anyones' thoughts on it.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

You. Are. So. Right.

[Tink22-sleeve 528]

Self-confidence is a turn on.

[DonRodolfo 1,416]

You may or may not agree with me, but that is what I see. I would love to hear anyones' thoughts on it.

Gee thanks - now I have to deal with this man-crush I now have on you after reading all that!

Seriously though, as a fat guy I got used to keep my head down as sort of a defense mechanism. I hope my confidence grows as yours has so I can see what I've been missing.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I know the my confidence has also sky rocketed too. I notice when men are looking at my body and I love it, before I would of hated it. This is life changing in so many ways. I have to work on some old baggage but love doing it. It is challenging and very rewarding at the same time. Great topic to share.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Chemical imbalance may indeed be part of it, but self confidence that comes with improved self esteem also plays a big role in how others react to us.

Plus you are probably radiating some kind of "king of the jungle" pheromone now that make women's knees quiver.

[Fiddleman 4,376]

BTB- I agree with you on that assessment. Self confidence is a killer attribute to own. It opens up a lot of opportunities.

[luckysmomma 407]

You made some interesting points...

...I think self-love, self-acceptance, and self-esteem are critical when attracting a quality man or woman...or just simply being comfortable with who you are in your own skin, regardless of what Mr. scale says or a clothing tag.

No, offense, fellas...but I think men are much more judgmental on appearance than women are...at least from where I am from...

I agree self-confidence is very important.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

And at the same time I piss myself off for letting my looks define me in the past. ARRGGGH!

I will say this time around I'm no longer comparing myself to beautiful skinny women. Don't get me wrong,.. I'm a women and it's a natural that we compare, but this time I compare myself to the athletically healthy women. Only took me 30 years to figure what's right for me.

[LouiseC 1,031]

Thank you so much for writing this after the comments in the other thread. I am about to run out to a body combat class (finding my inner ninja) but wanted to subscribe to this before it got lost in the feed.

I will respond!

[LouiseC 1,031]

But then again, as I Re-read, it resonates so much you could have taken the words right out of my head! Well, except women don't flirt with me so much, men do

I hold myself better, I smile more, I take more care with my clothes, my hair and my overall 'look'. I know I radiate something different and I know others notice. The exercise, In particular the yoga, has improved my posture. I stand better. I sit better. I walk better. I walk sexier even

I would go so far to say I even feel different about the space I occupy in the world. Does that make sense? I feel I like I own the space I am in now, and realise I used to feel like I took up too much of it and was always trying to pull myself inwards as a consequence. Living life like i was apologising for taking up too much space all the time. That sounds mental now that I look at it but hopefully it makes sense to someone!

All of this has changed the way others interact with me and I am starting to think it isn't simply about weight. It is more about what is going on in my head and how I view myself and how I see now that how I view myself is how I project myself onto others. They see what I show them, in some ways.

Sure, there will always be people who see fat first and can't see past it regardless of confidence or attitude. But who wants to know them anyway?

I love what I have learnt about myself on this journey. I love how this has become less and less about food and weight loss and more and more about how I choose to live my life, about how much power I have in determining the life I can live, in the ever challenging task of staying present and consciously choosing to live well, eat well, and, most importantly, to be happy. To actually choose to smile, choose to shine, and choose to be confident.

Others do respond differently. People do interact with me differently. Not because I am no longer obese, but because I am different. I have changed, for the better.

[futureloser 190]

I have always felt confident in my professional life but not so much in personal interactions. I always worry that I don't hold my own in a conversation and feel that people tend to ignore my presence. Not sure that its my weight that puts people off or if I let my low self esteem come through and it wouldn't matter about the weight. When I lost a lot of weight previously, I felt more confident and felt that people paid more attention to me, but it is probably me being more comfortable in social situations so I put myself out there and become more interesting.

[amytug 996]

Yep.

[HoosierGirl 780]

I have been FAT for the past 20 years. Funny, I never felt fat. My confidence never went down, but my frustration/disappointment in myself was HUGE.

It has been entertaining to watch people checking me out since I have lost 50 lbs. At 237lbs, people ignored me. Although I look smaller now, I am still the same person. Does our outward appearance REALLY matter THAT much?!

I NEVER want to forget how it felt to be ignored. I will NEVER ignore someone who is different than me. I will NEVER judge someone because of their size. I've been judged that way for the past 20 years. It is not something I would wish on anyone.

Fiddleman - you are smokin' hot today and I am sure you were before surgery too. Now your outside simply matches your inside.