female only Did anybody divorce after their sleeve?

[Goddardgo 90]

I am still in the beginning stages of this process.. but I was just thinking. My husband is part of the my weight problem I believe. He is very emotionally abusive and bipolar. He throws the words fat A$$ and fat b!=ch at me in every argument. Oh I didn't mention he is almost 300 pounds himself. Anyway, I have been with him for 20 years and we have 4 beautiful children together, but I really feel like the new me going to want to throw him out with the other 85% of my stomach. I just don't think he realizes how his words hurt not only me, but the kids and I have a feeling once I feel better about me, he's gone.

I wanted to know if anybody else had this issue?

[JessicaDiane1021 147]

I'm not married but have been living together with my boyfriend for almost two years. Like you, he has called me names. But ever since my surgery he tells me that I'm going to leave him because I'm small. NOPE. I will leave you for whatever not just because of my size. Anyway be careful because in my experience the names/arguments and just pure hell gets worse. The better I feel, the worse he makes me feel. I hope and pray this doesn't happen to you. Be strong.

[Goddardgo 90]

Thanks! I know the stuff he says is totally not normal or loving, the problem is that he is what I am use to.. I have been with him since I was 15. I feel like.. someday he'll stop being so hateful, but I don't think so. I know that I have let him take majority of my self esteem and I just am afraid what he's going to be like once I gain that back, and trust me it wont take much to get it back

Hang in there girl.. we have been chosen to walk this crappy path for some reason, something good has to come out of it LOL

[FindingElise 62]

My situation is a bit different than yours, because my partner of 8 years and I are not legally married, and we don't have children. However, he has a history of not always being very accepting of my size. It's something we've been to counseling for, and he's made a lot of changes in the last two years leading up to my surgery. Still, I wonder...are we going to go through with our wedding plans? Will this be the father of my children?

I think you realize that you deserve to be treated with love and kindness. Your children see it, too. Part of you seems to be hoping he'll be gone after your surgery and weight loss. The weight loss won't change who we are on the inside, so only time will tell if you stay with this man, IMO, but I don't see how someone who makes the brave decision to have bariatric surgery and make healthy lifestyle changes would continue to be compatible with a person that is emotionally unhealthy and abusive.

You deserve the kind of life you want to live, whether you have surgery or not. I highly recommend counseling for both of you as you go through the process--you'll be surprised what you learn about yourselves. I hope that if you stay together he's able to make some choices to improve his own health, realizes how awful he's treated you, and changes his behavior. Know that If you decide not to stay together, you and your little ones will get through it and be okay.

[FindingElise 62]

I'm not married but have been living together with my boyfriend for almost two years. Like you, he has called me names. But ever since my surgery he tells me that I'm going to leave him because I'm small. NOPE. I will leave you for whatever not just because of my size. Anyway be careful because in my experience the names/arguments and just pure hell gets worse. The better I feel, the worse he makes me feel. I hope and pray this doesn't happen to you. Be strong.

/\ /\ /\ Oh yes, the whole, "You're going to lose weight and leave me!"

It's true, the name calling and arguments won't just stop. It's not your weight that's the problem. He is. If he doesn't get help, he'll likely find something else to argue or insult you about.

[Banned member 320]

Me and my husband had been married for almost 9 yrs when I was sleeved and he's only said something negative about my weight once and this was almost 2 1/2 yrs ago. He said that I "let myself go". He was in the dog house big time after that comment and he knew that was the worse thing he could of ever said to me. It cut me to the core and it still hurts talking about it to this day but he hasn't mentioned anything about my weight since then. Also the fact that I was 3 or 4 months pregnant at the time with our 3rd child didn't help the situation. He knew he screwed up big time when he said it and I still sometimes give him a hard time about it. He's been very supportive about me having surgery and has been supportive overall but he could still improve certain things like not baking Cookies all the time lol. If my husband were emotionally and verbally abusive I would leave but I do realize that's easier said than done, especially when kids are in the equation. Just know that you deserve better.

ETA: We are quickly approaching our 10 yrs wedding anniversary and have been together since high school. After surgery I wasn't able to use food, so there were a lot of things that rose to the surface and we had to discuss them. I was an emotional wreck the first two months after surgery, it was hard on both of us but we've solved the problems and have moved forward. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else and he is truly my soul mate.

[Lisha73 97]

Well...It sounds to me like you may have already made up your mind to gett rid of your husband. I do know that weight loss does lead to alot of seperations because the one with the weight problem holds to who they have out of fear of being alone and once they are happy with themselves say good by to the hurtful baggage! that being said has your husband been diaganosed with bipolar and is he on meds? Do you believe that he really loves you?

[Goddardgo 90]

Well...It sounds to me like you may have already made up your mind to gett rid of your husband. I do know that weight loss does lead to alot of seperations because the one with the weight problem holds to who they have out of fear of being alone and once they are happy with themselves say good by to the hurtful baggage! that being said has your husband been diaganosed with bipolar and is he on meds? Do you believe that he really loves you?

He has been diagnosed, has never stuck with the meds.. I know he loves me, I think he just doesn't know any other way to express feeling upset without using hateful words.

[Lisha73 97]

He has been diagnosed, has never stuck with the meds.. I know he loves me, I think he just doesn't know any other way to express feeling upset without using hateful words.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this...My late husband was the same way! But he did take his meds but you still have bad episodes. Do what you think is best for you, unfortunaley cant be unhappy forever. I am sure you love him too...but it is hard when harsh words cut so deep.

[Vixynne 695]

I am still in the beginning stages of this process.. but I was just thinking. My husband is part of the my weight problem I believe. He is very emotionally abusive and bipolar. He throws the words fat A$$ and fat b!=ch at me in every argument. Oh I didn't mention he is almost 300 pounds himself. Anyway, I have been with him for 20 years and we have 4 beautiful children together, but I really feel like the new me going to want to throw him out with the other 85% of my stomach. I just don't think he realizes how his words hurt not only me, but the kids and I have a feeling once I feel better about me, he's gone.

I wanted to know if anybody else had this issue?

Girrrrrrrl. You are worth more than this, no matter WHAT size you are. Speaking as someone who's mid-sleeve-process and mid-divorce process, I'm telling you--you deserve a full rebirth. Living under those conditions would make anyone miserable. Rescue yourself and your kiddos. You deserve so much more out of life!

[awifeinmichigan 233]

I am still in the beginning stages of this process.. but I was just thinking. My husband is part of the my weight problem I believe. He is very emotionally abusive and bipolar. He throws the words fat A$$ and fat b!=ch at me in every argument. Oh I didn't mention he is almost 300 pounds himself. Anyway, I have been with him for 20 years and we have 4 beautiful children together, but I really feel like the new me going to want to throw him out with the other 85% of my stomach. I just don't think he realizes how his words hurt not only me, but the kids and I have a feeling once I feel better about me, he's gone.

I wanted to know if anybody else had this issue?

Name calling is a form of Abuse! You are worthy of so much more.

[Goddardgo 90]

Thanks everybody! I really appreciate being able to put my thought out here and not get a ton of negative feedback.. thanks again!!

[ebonisekim 1,713]

He has been diagnosed' date=' has never stuck with the meds.. I know he loves me, I think he just doesn't know any other way to express feeling upset without using hateful words.[/quote']

I can't tell you to leave but when u do start losing weight he might start feeling left behind because he's over weight his self .. You u Start feeling better your going to no your worth .. I find if the support is not there from the get go I don't see it being there after I'm sorry your going through it .. Getting the sleeve you need alot if support because the hormones in the beginning can make u so break you ..

[maharet111 544]

I have never been married so I can't really comment but I can say..you are changing your life for a healthier you. If that includes a life without your husband so you no longer suffer emotional or verbal abuse..then please find the strength to leave him behind.

[janarae 93]

Thanks! I know the stuff he says is totally not normal or loving' date=' the problem is that he is what I am use to.. I have been with him since I was 15. I feel like.. someday he'll stop being so hateful, but I don't think so. I know that I have let him take majority of my self esteem and I just am afraid what he's going to be like once I gain that back, and trust me it wont take much to get it back <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

Hang in there girl.. we have been chosen to walk this crappy path for some reason, something good has to come out of it LOL[/quote']

I say this with all respect and love, it saddens me that you think you were chosen to walk this crappy path, you have chosen to stay with him. You deserve better then this, I hope that as you go through all your changes you'll see who and what you deserve. And maybe you already do, You deserve someone to love and respect you and cherish you for you!

{{hugs}}