How do you deal with the feelings of loss?

[JLB 0]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the board and a wannabe bandster. Since deciding that Lapband surgery was for me, I have found myself thinking about the craziest things. :think

I luuuuvvvv to cook but post-surgery I won't be eating the same foods/amounts (thank goodness). However, I'm wondering what this will really mean for me. Will I not want to cook anymore? Will I not enjoying cooking/eating? Will I be depressed about this? What will I feel?

:cry :girl_hug: :cry

From what I've read in the forums so far - this is a life-changing, albeit wonderful, fantastic life-changing experince but I wonder -- do people actually experience feelings of loss? Can anyone weigh in on this? (pun intended- hehehehe)

Happy Holidays! (Holidays = Cooking = Family = Eating :hungry: - see what I mean - food is such a huge part of my life)

Janice

[sweethot143 2]

Hi, i've only been banded 6 days. I know what you mean. I keep thinking of places to eat then realize oh, can't do that, or oh when i am healed it would be a waste of money becuase i can't eat it all.

It feels like a part of me is missing, totally worth it, but still missing. I Celebrate with food, be depressed with food, cure bordom with food ect.

I keep going to the fridge even though i am not hungry at all, just out of habit.

I don't know you deal with it, but i amagine it is normal for us emotional eaters. Today I weighed and I have lost 20lbs from last month!! Yesterday i was depressed that I couldn't eat, today i'm not wanting to move to mushies beause i'll gain a few lbs. back. Maybe when the scales are going down, it will become easier to break up with your old friend food.

[Kaydotrn 1]

I am absolutely mourning my old friend food. I am also not cooking or baking this holiday because emotionally I don't think I can handle it. It oo love to cook and eating is a huge part of any celebration.

Aside from that, I honestly believe that I can get over it. The cooking/eating thing has been a huge part of my entire life. My favortie channel is food network (food porn), my favorite reading is menus. Yes, I have a strange love of reading restaurant or catering menus and fatasizing what I would buy. It is a sickness! It is not working for me...I am 100 or so pounds overweight and something in my behavior had to change. I am ready to change. There are days when I am going to miss my old relationship with food where I could eat what I want (often without tasting or enjoying it), but overall I know that friendship is doing a lot of damage to me both pysically and emotionally. I am ready to move on. I can still cook, since I love to feed people and have them ooh and ahhh...but when the time comes, I will learn to be satisfied with a small taste.

Best wishes on your journey.

[StephC 0]

Great question - I feel the loss and I haven't had my first fill yet! I love all kinds of foods but I think that I may still love them just in MUCH smaller portions.

[cinward2001 0]

First, recognize that you're using foods for things *other* than nutrition. food really shouldn't be a source of happiness, it shouldn't be a source of comfort, or a place to turn when we're depressed, angry, sad, etc. There are plenty of OTHER ways to deal with emotions other than food. Take a long bubble bath if you need pampering, hit a heavy bag if you're angry, go for a walk if you're bored, call a friend or dance to some music if you're happy and want to Celebrate.< /p>

You have to *actively* begin substituting other activities for eating. With time, it becomes easier because as you lose weight, you begin doing so much more. I used to hate shopping. Still not too crazy about it, but I've found that, when I'm feeling really good about myself, instead of celebrating with food, I can easily spend several hours trying on clothes.

As for cooking...well, I've never liked it. But I've been told by others that they still enjoy cooking, but they try to cook healthier, and yes, eat less of it. If cooking is about being an *activity,* then you can still enjoy it. If it's just about *eating,* then yes, you'll need to change your thinking and make it more about the cooking itself than the food.

This is all hardest in the beginning, because you haven't yet felt and seen the benefits of having the band and yet you're giving up a "friend," a source of comfort, a habit, etc. But as you lose weight, it gets easier and easier. :girl_hug: So you have to take it one step at a time and do your best.

Cindy

[JLB 0]

WOW... thank you so much! I really feel a sense of relief after reading these few posts. I'm not alone. I do use food as comfort and I think I just actually realized this! Hmmm.. have to ponder this for awhile.

My favorite TV channel is also the food network and my favorite past time is deciding what to cook/eat next. I can imagine that life after the Band changes and as a person loses the weight they find other activities to replace old, unhealthy ones. Sounds like to freedom to me!

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

Janice

:biggrin1:

[Irish Girl 3]

My favorite channel wasn't the food network until after I was banded. And about eating at your favorite restaurants....you can still do that but you will take a leftover box home every time. But the best part is....you can have your favorite restaurant food for a couple of days.

I mourned the not eating all the time, but now I embrace it. Food is not my guiding light anymore. I almost feel like I have control again. You will too.

[BabyGotBack 0]

You know, I just bought a book called "Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery" by Patt Levine. She was actually a chef and would write for Gourmet magazine. She is also a banster and re wrote all of her favorite recipes to be banster friendly. She says that they are all healthy foods you can make for your family that you and they will love, except she recommends to blend our portions. A lot of them we can just eat as is.

It is really a very intersting book. She also talks about her experience with her banding and advice her nutrionist gives. I also got it on Amazon.com for like $11!!! Can't beat that!!!!!:clap2: Audree

[bkwalling 0]

I am also missing my friend food

[GettinThinMan 0]

JLB I have been banded for almost 3 months and also love to cook. I baked 2 pies for Christmas tomorrow, but do not plan to eat any. I really enjoyed the cooking. Eat a small meal and you will not be hungry. Remember that the sweets will go down really easily. I have lost 41 lbs to date and plan on reaching my goal by September of 2007. I have about 80 pounds to go.

[JLB 0]

Audree, I just went online and put the book on hold at the library. Thanks for mentioning it.

I have a question. You said that Pat Levine had to rewrite her favorite receipes so they are bandster friendly and also that bandsters may need to blend their portions. I'm new to all this. Could you pls explain what you mean by this. Are people really restricted as to what they can eat after Lapband surgery?

Thanks,

Janice

[edieparks 2]

Honestly I'm not a big cook but now I just cook for one and our grocery bill is so small now. I just eat part of my husbands. At first I was cooking our usual portion of our fav reciepes. My husband says whoa!! So now for example a pound of ground round is enough for 2 meals. 2 pork chops instead of 4.... So you can still cook your heart out just smaller portions.

edie

[mousecrazy 2]

Yes, you will change how you view food...but I have not lost my appreciation for food, nor my interest in cooking. I love cooking. I have changed my obsession with eating, and I have changed my perception of portion size. I have changed my perception of "full".

It is hard to explain these changes when you are right at the start of your journey...so take a few more steps, and keep asking. I do want to reassure you, though. It is okay, and it will be better than okay. You are very wise to ask the questions, and your willingness to think about the answers shows that you are going to be successful. The bandster life is more than the band itself...it's a mental thing as much as anything!

Good luck, and keep at it!

Cindy

[BabyGotBack 0]

Audree, I just went online and put the book on hold at the library. Thanks for mentioning it.

I have a question. You said that Pat Levine had to rewrite her favorite receipes so they are bandster friendly and also that bandsters may need to blend their portions. I'm new to all this. Could you pls explain what you mean by this. Are people really restricted as to what they can eat after Lapband surgery?

Thanks,

Janice

Janice:

The way she re wrote her recipes was that there are no pastas, I think no rice dishes and just over all healthier and lower in fat. As a bandster, she said that the servings she would have to eat were so small, so she had to make sure that she got her Protein first, veggies, fruit and a lil' carbs. Her recipes are mostly all balanced meals, not just protien. If there is a recipe that calls for meat, she just has the bandster blend theres so the meat will go down easier. What I liked about her book is that she emphasizes that you don't have to cook one meal for yourself and then another one for your family.

Some people can tolerate more than others. Some people say they can eat anything as long as they really chew it, and others can not have steak, Pasta, rice, bread. We won't really know till we get there ourselves since it seems to really vary from person to person.

I hope this helps!!!!! Audree:o

[PatU 0]

I still love eating out and have actually started to enjoy cooking again. I do miss the fact I can't eat all the pizza I want at a sitting since it's my favorite food but otherwise I just have smaller portions. I also thought I'd really miss beer but have discovered wine. I don't miss soda and have only had one carbonated beverage to date (Champagne today to Celebrate my daughter's 21st birthday). I made Stollen for Christmas brunch and didn't have a bite. I just saved for an evening when my band was loose.

I think you'll find that you enjoy food even more because the band makes you slow down and savor. I am always the last one to finish.

PatU