9 Months--there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

[Sleevedreamz 107]

9 months ago (Sept 4, 2012) I went in to have my surgery. This was my last attempt to get back the life I loved and missed so much and little did I know at the time that it would be the best decision I'd ever made for myself. I want to share this because I remember looking to these boards trying to find out what to expect and how to know if I was making the right choice. Only you can decide what's right for you, but after everything I'd do it again 100x without hesitation. I had a few small hurdles to overcome after my surgery, but they were small in comparison to the reward I feel now. I will be forever grateful for the decision I made. I couldn't walk without feeling miserable, going out made me feel terrible because I never felt good about the way I looked after gaining the weight and I just wasn't living life to the fullest. I wish I'd had the surgery years ago, but what's important is that I had it. 9 months ago I was in a tight size 20 jeans and XXL tops. Today I'm wearing a 9 in jeans which are super loose so I’ll probably be going down another size within the next couple of weeks and a small or medium in tops. Knowing I can walk into any store and buy clothes makes me jump for joy. Every time I pass Lane Bryant I say a quiet thank you that they were there when I needed them and then smile because I know I'll never need them again. I can go into any store I want and try on and wear nearly anything I want. Don't get me wrong, there are still things I see that I love and I'm not able to wear just yet, but I'm almost there and I could not say that a year ago. I'm going to touch on some of the things I had so many questions and curiosities about so that maybe I can help someone else with the same concerns.

First of all, my BIGGEST concern throughout this process was the possibility of hair loss. I had very fine hair to begin with and it has never been extremely thick. It was perfect for me, but I didn’t feel like I had any to spare. At pretty much exactly 3 months out the dreaded Hair loss started and my heart broke. I was terrified that this was happening to me. I was finally having success at losing weight and now I had to deal with something else that would make me feel bad. I was losing hair with a vengeance and I remember saying to myself, “it’s going to be okay, just roll with the punches and it’s going to stop before it gets too bad” until one day I realized I had thinned enough on top that it was noticeable and I broke down and cried. Listen up ladies; this is about 98% likely to happen to you so mentally prepare for it so when it comes you don’t lose your mind. I wasn’t happy, but I was prepared as much as I could be because I’d done the research. I had beautiful and long straight blonde hair. It was my staple and always had been. I held on for as long as I could and started getting weekly salon treatments to help with regrowth (which if you can afford worked AMAZING), but I did finally have to cut my long locks into a cute and sexy short style. I have NEVER had short hair and I was terrified, but because I was no longer “fat” it looked amazing on me and gave my hair the volume it was lacking since it was so long. It is still short (I have since cut it again bc I loved the way it looks so much) and all of the hair I lost is coming back in thanks to my treatments and the hair loss coming to a stop. I think it stopped falling out after about 3-4 months so it was a while before I noticed I was no longer losing fist fulls of hair. I kept my long hair in a cute braid to the side or French braided for a few months before I finally cut it because it was thin enough at that point that leaving it down just wasn’t an option anymore or everyone would have noticed.

Another concern I had was “what is my body going to look like after this surgery if I lose a lot of weight?” Well, I needed to lose a little over 100lbs and have lost 92 so far. I feel very lucky because it isn’t too bad. My arms underneath are a little flappy, but I also haven’t worked out like I should and am currently working on that and can tell it’s getting better. My tummy is pretty much what I expected. I do not have any loose skin there at this point (and don’t think I will), but it’s not my favorite to look at for a few reasons. I have a ton of stretch marks, particularly on my lower tummy area) and since losing weight they definitely make it hard for my lower tummy to not hang a little. Now, I have seen some bad pics of bellies and mine isn’t horrible at all, but I don’t love it. I also hate my surgery scars because I want to be able to eventually show my stomach in a swimsuit and they will keep me from feeling comfortable doing that. I want to get a Tummy Tuck, but that will have to wait for now. I did do a consult and the doctor wants me to wait until a year out and then of course I have to figure out financing. She did say, however, that I won’t need a full tuck because my muscles underneath are in great shape so technically I’ll only need the panniculectomy done. She is trying to get insurance to approve that, but I don’t think it will happen because it doesn’t look horrible or hang much at all and I can’t imagine they will cover it, but we’ll see. My breasts are another area that has been significantly affected. They are much smaller than they were (although still considered large and well-proportioned for my body size) and they are hanging down lower than they should now. This again seems to be because of the stretching (stretch marks). They could use a lift and the doctor thinks around 350cc’s implant to fill in where the skin is loose. I’m hoping to have this done at the same time as the tummy tuck. All that said about the surgeries I’m looking at, I could never do the surgery and I would still look great guys. So, if you’re concerned about not having the money for surgery later on, don’t let that be a deterrent. I still look pretty fabulous naked compared to a year ago. I have had a thousand compliments on my change in appearance since my surgery and the men I’m around are falling all over themselves and not just any men, but the hot and fit ones, so don’t let something like a few imperfections keep you from following through with your surgery because if I never get plastics done I will still be more than okay with the way my body looks and I have done virtually no physical exercise up until recently. I saved this for last because it is for me the one place I do have some loose skin. It is very little, but trust me, I hate it and it’s something I can’t help but notice and it’s my inner thighs. I’m very short so for me my fat distributed more to my backside and thighs than anywhere else. I was fat all over, don’t get me wrong, but this area took a lot of what the rest of my body couldn’t hold so when I lost weight, that area became very flabby because it’s such a fatty area. Again, I have not worked out like I should so I KNOW I can improve this by leaps and bounds which is what I’m working on now. I will try to update you on that progress later on for those who are interested. I am hoping to eventually get it to a point where it’s virtually unnoticeable and think it’s possible aside from the stretch marks which I could care less about for the most part since even the skinniest people I know have those.

As far as my body, that is all I can think of that were huge concerns of mine going into this last year. I really do look amazing and feel like I’ve won such an amazing prize by getting my life back. It’s been so long since I was smaller I hadn’t realized how much differently I was treated from before I gained the weight. It isn’t right, I will agree, but there is a definite difference and I was even extremely confident for someone who was overweight. I always thought people treated me the same, but now I’m realizing they didn’t. I am called sweetheart and darling all of the time now where I didn’t get that as often before. I’m constantly complimented on my clothing, hair, smile, face, jewelry, etc. I have always been very fashion conscious so I did get compliments when I was bigger, but nothing to the magnitude that I am now. It really does make you feel amazing and I can’t stop smiling. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of walking into a room or up to someone and having them call me “skinny”. Some people take offense to that from what I’ve read on these boards, but I think everyone is also entitled to their opinion. For me, it makes me feel like all of the effort I’ve put into making healthy eating choices and watching my portions to aid my sleeve are just being complimented every time someone says “Oh my God, you look amazing”.

And, this post has gone so long that I’m just going to briefly touch on food and stalls because I read a lot about that before and after my surgery too. I think everyone is different and should treat this surgery in such a way that will benefit their weight loss goals. While I was definitely addicted to food for a period of time after gaining weight, I have not always been big so for me, after the surgery, I did not miss food at all and I know everyone isn’t so lucky. So, I have been able to possibly indulge a little more than someone who would never be able to stay on the wagon if they did. My diet is pretty lax compared to most I see on here, but I also do not eat much at all even almost a year out. Up until recently I was still only eating 3-4 bites before becoming full. I think that is different for everyone. I usually do something small in the mornings (egg or oatmeal) and then eat pretty normal the rest of the day. I try to make healthy choices such as choosing a lean Protein, but if I have a bite or two of a side it’s usually what everyone else is having. The beauty for me is that I only eat a bite or two and if you can’t do that then stay away from the carbs because it isn’t worth damaging your weight loss for. I look at it like this, I spent 8 years eating myself to death so I’m going to skip the pie or cake because I ate enough of that for a lifetime. If there is cake, I’ll take a bite of my husbands if I just really want to try it, but usually it doesn’t appeal to me at all. I have stalled a few times throughout, but unlike some, I don’t worry about it because I know I’m eating small portions. I was stuck at the 150 mark for probably longer than any other stall (a complete month with not losing even a pound) so I went back to Protein shakes for Breakfast and then made sure I was only eating lean Protein for lunch and dinner with minimal carbs and I’m now down to 145 so that proves to me that if I’m stalling I can break through with a little effort on my part. Another thing that I know is controversial is sodas. I used to drink Dr. Pepper like crazy and since surgery I will admit that I do have the occasional Dr. Pepper. Now, that said, by occasional I may do this once every three to four weeks and when I do it’s one of the tiny 90 calorie cans. Again, I am not easily persuaded back into old habits so if you are DON’T do it! I just want one occasionally and I don’t deprive myself of it. Some people can’t even tolerate it anyways so it’s not an issue. I tend to be able to tolerate most anything. The only things that have changed pretty drastically are that I don’t like the taste of milk anymore so I don’t drink it at all where I used to drink a glass every couple of days. I can’t stand it now. I also can’t really eat anything super spicy anymore which makes me a little sad. I love jalapenos and used to eat them with everything and I just can’t handle it. It doesn’t hurt my belly, but gives me horrible acid reflux/indigestion so I just don’t go there. I have eaten ice-cream a couple of times and it was bad. I had symptoms similar to dumping and that will make you stay away forever because it’s no fun. I think it was because it was liquid and ran straight through so quickly because if I eat something sweet that’s solid such as a small brownie or cookie (which is rare, but does happen once in a blue moon) it doesn’t have the same affect. Again, I just think everyone is different. I was never one to eat a lot of sweets or snack so it is pretty much a non-issue for me.

I really hope there is some useful information in this post for those of you who are new or thinking about surgery. I just know I would scour the boards for hours trying to find info and compare notes and find people that were close to me in size and stature. It always gives you something to look forward to. If you have a specific question about something I didn't talk about here, feel free to ask me. I'd be happy to answer it for you.

[yazzy 105]

Thanx so much for all that info. You look AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cant wait to get where you are ...

[Eva Linder 47]

Enjoyed reading your story, thanks for sharing.

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

An awesome story n journey, Ty 4 sharing!! If I had not seen ur pic, I'd still say u are awesome. Ty 4 concerning urself w our concerns. You look great.

[linda305 173]

Omg. You are so inspirational. I have been trying to take the first step for the past 3 years but end up saying, thiswas not for me. I went to my furst doctor appointment and will continue going. But you are giving me the courage to continue with my goal. Keep up the good work, you look fantastic.

[Heartonsleeve 32]

Nice work! Your story is impossible to read though, for me at least. Paragraphs are your friends!

[Sleevedreamz 107]

Omg. You are so inspirational. I have been trying to take the first step for the past 3 years but end up saying, thiswas not for me. I went to my furst doctor appointment and will continue going. But you are giving me the courage to continue with my goal. Keep up the good work, you look fantastic.

Thank you and I want everyone to feel as amazing as I do! If I don't share then I'm not helping others and while it isn't the "easy way out" as so many think, it is a way to save a life that is important. I wish you the best on your journey. I also went three years before my surgery and backed out and I WISH every day I had done it sooner. Hang in there girl. By this time next year you will be well on your way to freedom!

[Sleevedreamz 107]

Nice work! Your story is impossible to read though, for me at least. Paragraphs are your friends!

Ha, well, thanks and the stupid program wouldn't allow me to separate them my dear. It has been driving me a little crazy so thanks for pointing that out. Hopefully it will be fixed soon because it still won't allow me to use the return function.

[luckysmomma 407]

Awesome! Congrats!

[deannams 7]

What an inspiration. It is just what I needed to hear as I lay here unable to sleep and a bundle of nerves, I an scheduled for surgery in a few hours. It is 3 am here and surgery is at 7:30. These are the stories that really keep me on track. Current weight is 234 and my goal is to get to 120. I haven't always been heavy either I started to gain weight at 32 and now am 52. I had a baby at 40 and have never been successful on any type of

diet. So in a few hours I will be a new journey! Thanks for the inspiration

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

God bless you n your team of medical staffs...please luk how ur doing whenever u can!! Congrats:)

[leeann71 539]

What an inspiration you are. If you dont mind saying, what is your weight and your height?

[Sleevedreamz 107]

What an inspiration you are. If you dont mind saying' date=' what is your weight and your height?[/quote']

Thank you and not at all. I'm five feet and a half inch and my current weight as of that after picture a couple of weeks ago was 150. My current weight is 145 so still making my way to goal! I started at 237.

[LadyKatie 61]

Thank you for sharing!! You look so amazing!! I definitely hope I can have an amazing journey like you!! Keep up your great work!! Keep inspiring us

[Camella 209]

Thanks for sharing your story. I had my first doctors appointment yesterday and I'm still really scared. Reading you story has helped relieve some of those fears!