Any sleevers with narcissistic mother?

[Nesa 51]

Today I was talking about it with my mother and she tells me "I know your scared you should just not do it but its up to you but remember you don't have to do it" lol I told her I'm really excited and yes a little nervous she tells me "I know your my daughter you don't want to do it" I'm 100% sure I do want to. She tells me just to diet when she knows I have tried every diet out there and nothing has worked for me. It might sound weird but I know she will be there next to me every minute of my process, I think she does support it but she just doesn't understand "why surgery" since she has a always been a thin person even after she had her 4 kids she has a awesome body. She also tells me "remember there is a lot of risk you are very healthy just a little over weight" "don't loose too much weight just get to your healthy weight" lol I just tune her out. I totally understand all of you.

[Karmen081020 31]

My mother doesn't know about my surgery, all my family knows about it except her just because I want to avoid the usual negative criticism. I will eventually tell her but not yet.

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[Karmen081020 31]

Thanks to all of you. I decided to tell my mother that i was hired for a job outside of the city for 15 days. Also that I decided to start a new diet so she will think i am loosing weight only because of the diet. Sadly as my dad passed away and she lives 5 min from my home' date=' I am the one that take care of her needs as food, services payment, etc. try to visit with her as short as possible. She is starting senile dementia so she forgets almost everything. I have been in therapy for years and even when i know NPD is an illness, sometimes is just impossible not to feel as if i want to kill her!! Thanks god o have a wonderful sister and lots of lovable cousins who are with me now. Blessings for all of you. My surgey os nect wed. I am so happy!!![/quote']

Good for you Maria I'm glad you have family members close by that support your decision. We are all here for you too! Good luck on Wednesday, you know you are in my prayers.

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[vegasneon 181]

I haven't spoken to my mother in 16 years. It is unlikely I will ever speak to her again. The last straw was something unbelievable and unthinkable that I won't go in to here. I suffered with her for 38 years and I don't regret one bit that we are not in contact.

If we were on speaking terms there is no way in hell I could tell her I was having WLS. She once told my son that the reason she had 6 kids is because there are always one or two not speaking to her! This was before I quit talking to her, from that day forward she forgot my son exists. My daughter was always her favorite grandchild and they still talk. My mother is a very mean, bitter, strange person. My fathers daily mantra was "damned if you do, damned if you don't". That pretty much sums up my mother.

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[SkinnyScrapper 57]

Thanks to all of you. I decided to tell my mother that i was hired for a job outside of the city for 15 days. Also that I decided to start a new diet so she will think i am loosing weight only because of the diet. Sadly as my dad passed away and she lives 5 min from my home' date=' I am the one that take care of her needs as food, services payment, etc. try to visit with her as short as possible. She is starting senile dementia so she forgets almost everything. I have been in therapy for years and even when i know NPD is an illness, sometimes is just impossible not to feel as if i want to kill her!! Thanks god o have a wonderful sister and lots of lovable cousins who are with me now. Blessings for all of you. My surgey os nect wed. I am so happy!!![/quote']

I suggest we have a sub-forum for Sleevers with NPD mothers! There are quite a few of us.

It has taken me close to 40 years to realize it was not me and that the issue was narcissism. I think the final realization of NPD really helped me to put all this in perspective. For all of you who have learned of this earlier...it is good that you know the problem - use that to your advantage to take care of yourself. I am 50 years old and just starting to get my own life.

I did tell my mother....because the surgery was scheduled to interfere with her birthday party. She was upset about the party - acted like she didn't believe me. Next two phone calls she went on and on about her back pains....she always has to "top" me. Never any support. She quickly told both of my brothers and their spouses and relayed to me the content of the conversations....apparently I "used" to take care of myself. My surgery was postponed and so was her party. They are actually coming to me to have the party one week post op! She wanted to invite all these people. I finally told her it is one week after my surgery....oh, she didn't realize.

Anyway, sorry for the vent, but I totally understand. Take care of yourself and take your life back now. seriously, I would be open to a sub-forum as a pre and post op coping mechanism.

[piercedqt78 658]

I am super close to my mom, and usually she is amazing. she encouraged me to have surgery, even though when I was banded 8 years ago she flipped out. But when she came to see me in the hospital 1 day post-op she informed me that this surgery will benefit her as well, she will just follow my lead and only eat what I am eating, and stop when I stop. Well here I am 4 weeks post-op and down 21 pounds, she has gained 5. When we have gone out, and I have ordered a side portion of chicken salad and only eat a few bites, she will either, eat the rest, or take it home and eat it as a snack later. But when I am eating my 2 or 3 bites, she is eating an entire meal. It was hard hearing her say that I had to have surgery for something that she could control without doing anything but following my lead. She also tries to get me overeat, or worse eat garbage food. It's driving her crazy that I am doing something about my weight, and she is afraid to do anything. I don't think it's anywhere close to what some of you are going through, but sometimes even the most caring of moms get crazy when it comes to weight loss.

[vegasneon 181]

Its not just Moms, its women. So many of us have such a messed up relationship with food and our weight. My very best friend in the world who is much closer to me than my siblings ever were and is very supportive thinks I should have just stayed on the liquid diet. I tried to explain that isnt sustainable for the long haul. She is a bit more than 100 lbs overweight but she has only gone through this as an adult and I dont think it is even a big deal to her. Most of the overweight women I know dont seem to feel a real NEED to get to a healthy weight. The women I work with encourage people to their faces and then laugh behind their backs at their Portion Control or their not eating junk food. They would like to lose weight but they dont want to do the work. I think they want me to tell them the weight will just fall off after surgery with out any deprivation. If that wee true they would get it too but they just laugh about how they can't live without chips, candy, soda and fast food. Its very sad and it makes me not want to even let the subject of food or diets or WLS come up.

I'm venting now- sorry.

[buplee 556]

I haven't spoken to my mother in 16 years. It is unlikely I will ever speak to her again. The last straw was something unbelievable and unthinkable that I won't go in to here. I suffered with her for 38 years and I don't regret one bit that we are not in contact.

If we were on speaking terms there is no way in hell I could tell her I was having WLS. She once told my son that the reason she had 6 kids is because there are always one or two not speaking to her! This was before I quit talking to her' date=' from that day forward she forgot my son exists. My daughter was always her favorite grandchild and they still talk. My mother is a very mean, bitter, strange person. My fathers daily mantra was "damned if you do, damned if you don't". That pretty much sums up my mother.

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Your experience sounds like my wife's. Her mother has mental issues which she took out on my wife but not her younger sister. They have only seen each other four times in the last 20 years. My kids know of her but don't ever ask for her. My mother has been the only grandmother they know. Both of her parents (her father is deceased) are/were abusive alcoholics. She and my wife's nasty cousin stated that at our wedding reception that they gave our marriage two years. We have had the last laugh, we've been together almost thirty years and will be celebrating our 25th anniversary next week.

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[mariadt 27]

I suggest we have a sub-forum for Sleevers with NPD mothers! There are quite a few of us.

It has taken me close to 40 years to realize it was not me and that the issue was narcissism. I think the final realization of NPD really helped me to put all this in perspective. For all of you who have learned of this earlier...it is good that you know the problem - use that to your advantage to take care of yourself. I am 50 years old and just starting to get my own life.

I did tell my mother....because the surgery was scheduled to interfere with her birthday party. She was upset about the party - acted like she didn't believe me. Next two phone calls she went on and on about her back pains....she always has to "top" me. Never any support. She quickly told both of my brothers and their spouses and relayed to me the content of the conversations....apparently I "used" to take care of myself. My surgery was postponed and so was her party. They are actually coming to me to have the party one week post op! She wanted to invite all these people. I finally told her it is one week after my surgery....oh' date=' she didn't realize.

Anyway, sorry for the vent, but I totally understand. Take care of yourself and take your life back now. seriously, I would be open to a sub-forum as a pre and post op coping mechanism.[/quote']

It will be great to have a sub forum for us sleevers dealing with a NPD. As you said we are quite a few , do you know how to fo it? I will also like to ask you as my friend. We can make a separatefd support group fo dealing with our narcissistic parent once we are sleeved because we will have to deal with one more issue than rhose who have supportive parents