Any sleevers with narcissistic mother?

[mariadt 27]

My mother told me obese since I was a youn teenager and then if i diet, she told me I was anotexic. No way to win with her.

When I see pictures of myself at 16 and even when i gave birth to my dons, i was slim but felt obese. I gained a lot if weight in this psdt 10 years am told her about the surgery. She answer to that she thought i was going to fail since " you are not capable of shutting your mouth". So o decided to tell her i am not having the surgery and going without she knowing. Anubody there with a Narcissistic motherbor father?

[JoannLz 62]

My parents told me not to do it that I looked great being over weight. Lol. My mom doesn't belive in dieting. But she's been thin her whole life. After 4 kids she still weied 99 lbs. And she loves buffets and just food in general. She persanaly believes we r all the way we r and that's it. I guess its easy for her. Well I did it anyways. And here I am 39 lbs lighter n feeling great! Do what's best for u!!

[Fixerupper 335]

Yes and I did the exact same thing. Neither of my parents know.

[JoannLz 62]

Its funny my mom tells me your ass has disappeared!! Lol you r going to have old ladys skin. Lol I just laugh it off and tell them everything is fixable !!

[Butterflyhigh 504]

Yes, I have a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's been one of the most devastating things in my life to have been parented by this woman. It's why since the age of 9 I started binge eating as a way to fill up the emotional void inside of me left my the absence of real love from my mother. She actually loves it when I'm fat like her and absolutely hates it when I loose weight. She gets jealous of my WL success which makes her critical and judgmental of me and my efforts.

I'm not telling her about my surgery. She would have a field day with all of the negative drama and hurtful things she could stir up. I hardly talk to her anymore anyway. When I see her I'm sure it will be months after surgery and therefore a big transformation. I'll just say I've been eating manly raw foods (which I've lost a ton of weight on before) and have increased my exercise. She may or may not believe me....she is sure to judge me, but after nearly a decade of therapy of learning how to deal with this woman, I am finally able to say "I don't care" to whatever she throws at me.

Good Luck! It's not easy havering a mother like that.

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

My mother told me obese since I was a youn teenager and then if i diet, she told me I was anotexic. No way to win with her.

When I see pictures of myself at 16 and even when i gave birth to my dons, i was slim but felt obese. I gained a lot if weight in this psdt 10 years am told her about the surgery. She answer to that she thought i was going to fail since " you are not capable of shutting your mouth". So o decided to tell her i am not having the surgery and going without she knowing. Anubody there with a Narcissistic motherbor father?

Hi Maria!

I'm so sorry that you don't get support from your mother, it sucks. What I was happy to read is that you get that this is her problem and that when you can't get the support from some loved ones you came here. We are all in the same boat in the weight department. Know that you absolutely CAN do this. No one gets to determine your outcome but you. We are all here for you if you hear her voice in your head telling you that you can't... Keep reminding yourself that you can do it. You will be armed with a tool that will help you this time.

Best of luck to you!!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Yes, I have a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's been one of the most devastating things in my life to have been parented by this woman. It's why since the age of 9 I started binge eating as a way to fill up the emotional void inside of me left my the absence of real love from my mother. She actually loves it when I'm fat like her and absolutely hates it when I loose weight. She gets jealous of my WL success which makes her critical and judgmental of me and my efforts.

I'm not telling her about my surgery. She would have a field day with all of the negative drama and hurtful things she could stir up. I hardly talk to her anymore anyway. When I see her I'm sure it will be months after surgery and therefore a big transformation. I'll just say I've been eating manly raw foods (which I've lost a ton of weight on before) and have increased my exercise. She may or may not believe me....she is sure to judge me, but after nearly a decade of therapy of learning how to deal with this woman, I am finally able to say "I don't care" to whatever she throws at me.

Good Luck! It's not easy havering a mother like that.

Why give her an answer at all? This person is toxic, and it genuinely doesn't matter what you say to her, it is fuel for her poison. If you don't see her till there is a dramatic change, and she flips out, eaten up with pathetic jealous rage, demanding to know what you have done, flat out ask her, "why? why does it matter to you? which answer will make you behave pleasantly toward me? Will reduce your toxic behavior?" Anything else is just participating in the sickness.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I would consider getting some therapy for this, both post and pre surgery. I would, as an educated guess, say this is a part of your weight issues, and from what I have observed with a friend - maybe more??? More directly hurtful habits?

I so very truly want to post but do not want to come off as trying to be rude or anything. I just remember the onion-like levels a friend had from her step-mom being like that (my friend lost her mom at 6 months, aquired step-mom at 2 years, Dad passed at 5 and no one would raise her but step-mom). The one issue she did not seem to have was weight. She did, however, cut herself, get into really dangerous situations, fight (everyone, she broke my collar bone once and I know how to defend myself), drink into oblivion, wrecked cars and bikes on a frequent basis, and had a horrible habit of swimming across a lake at home that was notorious for drowning people in the currents.

There is a very clinical, to the point explination for your Mom's disorder, but like I learned with my friend, it doesn't help the hurt. Prepare yourself so your Mom cannot hurt you with her words as badly as she could.

PS - my friend actually still has a relationship with her step mom, but it is a bit unconventional. Her girlfriend and her step-mom's pastor/counselor "monitors" and relays emails and texts, and edits step-moms hurtful words, literaly, and passes them on. Both Step-mom and daughter are aware and in agreement. It seems extreme, but for now it is the only way my friend is willing to stay in contact with her step-mom. She pulled herself back from death over her childhood, so she is unwilling to get near that ledge again.

Good luck to you!

[jensjoy28 351]

I am so sorry that that is your reality. I have some friends who have a similar dynamic with a parent, and it is one of those things that those that haven't experienced it have a hard time grasping what that must be like. I agree with previous poster that a good therapist can help tremendously...both in understanding all of the ways that this may have influenced how you view yourself as well as how it can carry over into the relationships you have with others...Awareness and understanding are just two of the powerful tools for you to have if you choose to continue a relationship with her...as one of my friends says (typically in response to someone asking why she keeps her mother in her life at all) "is she the mother I wanted...no...is she the only mother I have...yes"

Best of luck to you...hope your new stomach is just the beginning of your metamorphosis

[HatheryOnHerWay 603]

Yep, I have one. I chose not to tell her about my surgery. Maybe someday, but not now.

[Not Applicable 52]

There is a very clinical' date=' to the point explination for your Mom's disorder, but like I learned with my friend, it doesn't help the hurt. Prepare yourself so your Mom cannot hurt you with her words as badly as she could.[/quote']

My mom is the same way, it hurts.

I unfortunately told my mom I was considering surgery (On a Friday). I asked her to keep it to herself since I was ashamed that I let myself get to a point in which I needed surgery & I had not made a final decision. Well Sunday night rolls around (2 days later) and she calls me to brag that she spoke to several people at our church about my surgery. She said the ones who had WLS gained all the weight back, and she has their phone numbers for me, (so I can call them and they can basically talk me out of surgery).

I was so hurt and angry. I asked her why she felt the need to discuss my surgery with people from my church. My mother said it was because she "needed support"...

On MY surgery?!?!? WTH?!?!?

I haven't spoken to her since. Bottom line is she's toxic. I know I will have to talk to her someday but want to 1st get to a point that her words and actions don't effect me. I am planning to limit what I tell her in the future. If she doesn't have the info, she can't use it as ammunition against me. I'm also planning to establish clear boundaries to avoid this type of behaviors on her end. For example: if she chooses to betray me confidence again, I will cease to have any communication with her. The choice will be hers.

I guess if you haven't lived it, it's unimaginable to feel like you need to be on guard around your mother. Moms are supposed to be a source of comfort and support. Unfortunately this is not true for all of us.

[abranewme 98]

Yes and she was 4 feet tall and always 100 pounds. She would try to feed me to stay bigger than her at times. Always in competition with me. BTW I am adopted and my birthmother is dead so I am speaking of my adoptive mother. She now has Alzheimer's and some days has no idea of who I am. I love her STILL as this personality disorder was a torch her OWN MOTHER passed down to her. I'm free of her judgement due to the disease and now understand all the dynamics of why she was the way she was and I find comfort in this. I suggest you reveal as little as possible of your journey to her as you're damned if you do or damned if you don't. Set boundaries! This book is awesome and the website has many video snippets you may find helpful. Best of luck on your journey!

http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/

[mariadt 27]

Yes' date=' I have a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's been one of the most devastating things in my life to have been parented by this woman. It's why since the age of 9 I started binge eating as a way to fill up the emotional void inside of me left my the absence of real love from my mother. She actually loves it when I'm fat like her and absolutely hates it when I loose weight. She gets jealous of my WL success which makes her critical and judgmental of me and my efforts.

I'm not telling her about my surgery. She would have a field day with all of the negative drama and hurtful things she could stir up. I hardly talk to her anymore anyway. When I see her I'm sure it will be months after surgery and therefore a big transformation. I'll just say I've been eating manly raw foods (which I've lost a ton of weight on before) and have increased my exercise. She may or may not believe me....she is sure to judge me, but after nearly a decade of therapy of learning how to deal with this woman, I am finally able to say "I don't care" to whatever she throws at me.

Good Luck! It's not easy havering a mother like that.[/quote']

It's the most terrible thing a kid have to endure! We are only two sisters. My father died this January and she is worst now than ever befor. My sister is bipolar. Thanks god and tons of therapy i am pretty sane!!

[mariadt 27]

Thanks to all of you. I decided to tell my mother that i was hired for a job outside of the city for 15 days. Also that I decided to start a new diet so she will think i am loosing weight only because of the diet. Sadly as my dad passed away and she lives 5 min from my home, I am the one that take care of her needs as food, services payment, etc. try to visit with her as short as possible. She is starting senile dementia so she forgets almost everything. I have been in therapy for years and even when i know NPD is an illness, sometimes is just impossible not to feel as if i want to kill her!! Thanks god o have a wonderful sister and lots of lovable cousins who are with me now. Blessings for all of you. My surgey os nect wed. I am so happy!!!

[Butterflyhigh 504]

Good luck to all of you who have lived with the deep heartache and painful emotional abuse that having an NPD parent causes in a child's life.

Distance and therapy are what have saved my sanity. I went full "no-contact" for a year in order to gain perspective. After that I enacted a very low-contact relationship and erected very firm and clear boundaries.

The best thing possible to do as the child of a NPD parent is to create space and boundaries. It is not easy though, as for our entire lives we've been conditioned to play the part our mothers have assigned us.

The metamorphous I went through....first realizing at the age of 32 that my mother was NPD, having a massive nervous breakdown from the pain associated with the awareness of my childhood, therapy, going no-contact, erecting boundaries, and finally being in control of my relationship with her....has led to a reinvention of myself. I am stronger, smarter, full of more self-love than I've ever been, and focused on being the best ME that I can be. Now I am marching toward WLS. It is all a part of my personal growth, development, and love for who I am.

I will be healthy, self-aware, strong, self-loving, and above all...I will be IN CHARGE OF MY OWN HAPPINESS!