Not all the nuts are in the trees...

[Carlene 12]

I am just seething as I write this. Tonight there was a knock at my front door. It was a friend of Cheyenne's, from the neighborhood, and her dad (stepdad). Now this is a very nice girl. She has been here many times and never been anything but respectful and polite and NICE. I've met the mom and thought the home life was a little rigid - the girl is 14 and not allowed to have a boyfriend, no matter how innocent, not even allowed to stay home alone while her parents go out to dinner - but that's their call, not mine.

The dad was mad as hell because he came home early from work and caught the daughter on "his" computer, setting up a My Space page. She told him that Cheyenne had taught her how to do it. He was just furious at everyone....his daughter, my granddaughter - everyone. He demanded to know if I knew what My Space is. Well...duh, yes I know what it is. But I never got a chance to answer. "It's all CUSS WORDS," he said.

I told him I was very sorry that it happened. I knew that his daughter and Cheyenne made the My Space page. I didn't know it was against HIS rules for her to have one. Cheyenne admitted that she helped her make it, but said that she deleted it after she found out Kayla wasn't supposed to have one (which explains why she was making a new one when she got busted).

The poor girl was mortified. Cheyenne had another girl from school here during this whole thing, and the dad didn't even care. He said, "We have had enough of her lying and disrespectful behavior are about to pull her out of school." Then he said, "And she's a thief, too. Did you know that?" I was appalled! I said to him, please don't do this. Girls this age are vicious and that kind of thing will get all over school and Kayla will be humiliated. He said, "I'm not doing anything. She did it to herself." The man was just a complete ASS!

These people pride themselves on their Christian principles. But it was very, very evident to me that this man does not like his stepdaughter and God help me, but I think he actually ENJOYED her misery, and putting her down in front of myself and the other kids. It seemed to me like some kind of twisted power trip.

What is wrong with these fruitcakes? I'm a Christian too, but people like this give the rest of us a bad name. Jesus never said you were supposed to humiliate anyone - let alone your own child - in His name.

[juliegeraci 7]

Carlene, that is a sad story. What a jerk. I really hope this young woman can mature in the right direction. How can you mature when you are constantly treated like a child. That is really unfortunate. My Space isn't that bad. You can protect yourself on the web you just need to know how.

[maudeispam 2]

Shame on him. I understand wanting to protect your child for the cruel, hateful people in our world, but there is a fine line. My sis and I were quite sheltered and not allowed to be typical teens. And that is why today at 34 I still have difficulty being a "adult" at times. I am finally turning around, standing up for myself, taking care of business and being a grown up. As for a normal person, this usually happens in their late teens, early twenties. For my sis and I both we are in are 30's and finally growing up. It is good to protect your children and parent and keep them safe, but with proper guidance, love, respect and understanding, a child/teen will make the right decision 98.9% of the time. Everyone is not perfect. As for that dad....shame on him, how cruel to subject his daughter to his rude remarks in front of her peers. Peers can be so crude and rude to begin with, no sense adding fuel to the fire. I feel sorry for that young lady.

[GeezerSue 7]

When I was 17, I TOLD my mom that I was like a spring and she was like a big thumb compressing that spring and holding it down and that on my 18th birthday...she would lose any right to make any decisions about my life and that she OUGHT TO let me grow up slowly instead of waiting until she had no power. She didn't believe me. My birthday is on the 13th of the month. On the first, a friend and I rented an apartment. The weekend before my birthday, I moved all my stuff out of the house. On the 12th, I left for work in the morning (I had graduated from high school very young and had a full time job and actually made more money than she did) and told her I wouldn't be home that night. She told me that legal curfew was at 10:00 p.m. I told her that at midnight, I was beyond the age of curfew, which mean all I had to do was hide for two hours. I did; I went home to my apartment a little past midnight and--I'm now sorry to say--she cried herself to sleep for many weeks.

Kids do what they need to do to be able to grow up and be themselves...it's merely a matter of time.

[Kat817 19]

Carlene, while I too feel for the poor Kayla, I believe you have obviously raised Cheyenne in a manner that will not have her going to school and humiliating Kayla. I am sure that both she and the other friend saw how you were hurting for the girl, and they probably will as well. They will take their reaction to the situation from you. They are probably apalled at the way she has to live with him, and they probably will have more compassion for her than if they had never seen him in action. I would bet your granddaughter is even more thankful to have you in her life, as her role model. This will remain in their memories for life I would imagine. So while it is a true shame the poor girl has to live with him, it may have helped cement in your DGD and her friends minds what they will NOT tolerate in men in their lives!

Have a talk with Cheyenne and her friend, ask them to keep a close eye on Kayla, as depression may very well be present. She needs her friends more than ever, remind them how special they are to Kayla especially now. You raised your DGD right, she will do the right thing!

Kat

[Elisabethsew 50]

My Space accounts require the user to be 18 so anyone who has an account who is under that age lied to get the account. That's an issue in itself. If you feel that this girl is being verbally abused by her stepfather, you should take action to protect the child by contacting the school or the appropriate governmental agency. If your this upset, trust your instincts and do something about them.

[dawnae 0]

I am with Elisabeth. You were a witness to the verbal abuse and you should report it.....maybe social services can get this guy some counseling.....as well as the whole family!

[piercedqt78 658]

My Space accounts require the user to be 18 so anyone who has an account who is under that age lied to get the account. That's an issue in itself. If you feel that this girl is being verbally abused by her stepfather, you should take action to protect the child by contacting the school or the appropriate governmental agency. If your this upset, trust your instincts and do something about them.

Actually you only have to be 14 this is directly from myspace.com

MySpace.com reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to reject, refuse to post or remove any posting (including private messages) by you, or to restrict, suspend, or terminate your access to all or any part of the MySpace Services at any time, for any or no reason, with or without prior notice, and without liability.

1. Eligibility. Use of and Membership in the MySpace Services is void where prohibited. By using the MySpace Services, you represent and warrant that (a) all registration information you submit is truthful and accurate; ( you will maintain the accuracy of such information; © you are 14 years of age or older; and (d) your use of the MySpace Services does not violate any applicable law or regulation. Your profile may be deleted and your Membership may be terminated without warning, if we believe that you are under 14 years of age.

My nieces all have accounts they are are under 18, it even says so on their profiles. ~Mandy

[green 6]

I am not sure whether you should report this verbal abuse. If your cops are like the cops up here in Canada they are largely ineffective when it comes to physically violent domestic environments. What you had observed was much more subtle. This was in the order of psychological abuse. I am also certain that the girl's mother is content with the status quo.

When you report this the cops will find themselves unable to do anything more than to speak to the stepfather who will respond in turn by further punishing and humiliating the girl. He will also seek to isolate her from you, your granddaughter and from her other friends. Her support system and her emotional haven will be smashed. You will be viewed as a meddling neighbour.

What I would do if I was you is to have a discussion with your granddaughter and the other girl who observed this debacle. Talk frankly about this man's behaviour towards their friend. Perhaps the two girls can figure out ways - with your help - of emotionally protecting this girl and shoring up her identity.