Sabotage!

[becca77 0]

Kynekke, that is sooooo my mother too. My mom put me on a diet when I was 6 years old and always restricted what I ate. But then she would offer me treats like it was forbidden fruit. I thought she was just feeling sorry for me but now I realize that my mom also has an "unconscious" eating disorder that she will never admit to. She was never overweight till post menopause but food has always ruled her life as it does mine. I think I can identify with the emotions.

[transformer 1]

I am so sorry you are stuck in this situation! :cry

I think you need to explain to your mom and to your children why you can't deviate from your diet (how it could harm your stomach and your progress). Give them a list of healthy food items or non-food items they could bring you that would make you really, really happy!

If they don't stop it, set up a storage bag/bin out of plain sight where you'll dump all of the crap they keep bringing you! Stay strong!

If it makes you feel any better, my ex thought it would be okay for my son to give me two boxes of cordial cherries for Christmas (after I specifically said no food gifts) because "I thought you could nibble the chocolate and suck out the liquid inside." :faint: My chocolate cherries have already been stashed and they will be trashed tomorrow morning!

[ser123 0]

Yes it is amazing how those we surround ourselves with can really impede progress. I am just glad I am not going to be banded until after Christmas. This gives everyone pleeennnty of time to adjust to the way I eat...

[ladypitboss 0]

My step-mother is too a sabateur! Always has been. She has always had a problem with food and she would often put me on diets and the we would have "girl's club" where her I and the dog would sit in her room with bags of popcorn or tuna salad sandwiches or even hamburgers and watch TV while my dad and/or brothers watched sports in the living room.

For Christmas I got a box from my step-brother with a beautiful clock for me and some gift cards for my girls and in it my mom included a size 24 suit with the butt seam blown out! Hows that for sensitive? I was a 20 last year when she saw me. This was the same Christmas right after my dad passed away and I had to spend not 1 but 2 whole days baking for all the firemen and medics that helped with him because she ( the blind and can barely get around diabetic) ate most of what I cooked the first day. I am in an 18 now but not for long.

I have done alot of reflecting on her role on the family's obesity in the last year. She married my dad when I was 2 and looking at the wedding picture my dad and my 2 brothers and I were all normal size. Her and her son were morbidly obese. He was 9 and the oldest. That was 31 years ago. There is not one of us who hasnt been over 300 lbs. Her son lost 100+ lbs at 17 to join the military. He is heavy now but has been living with her or her with him for several years. One of my brothers had RNY surgery 2 years ago and lost 200lbs. My other brother would probably qualify for surgery but isnt ready to do that. His wife had RNY last year, and we talked about it.

BTW She also had a failed stomach stapling 25 years ago. She was telling me the horror stories one time and said that she could sit on the toilet and eat a whole chocolate cake. HMMM kindof wonder who failed who. She had an emergency reversal.

So sorry for the threadjack but this has been weighing on me for the last year and I just cant get over it. The only thing that helps is that I live 16 hours away. Life dealing with my mom is just easier that way. No advice for you. Just that I know where you're coming from.

[kwhenrykerr 0]

Nobody said it would be easy, leading by example can inspire others to change their ways. Our kids can learn from us and maybe they will not need the tools that we use (lap-band) to stay fit. Boy for something so easy to say it will be a goal.

[TracyinKS 7]

WOW!!!!!!!! the stories on here are soooooooo telling.

My mom (who is also big) is the hardest on my self esteem..... even when I'm down to a 12 see will say.. hurtfull things... I don't think she means too, but she does.

[skyeblu79 0]

I think your Mom doesn't know how else to show she love's you and cares about you. Think about it. She probably shows her love through food. I found myself the other night when guests were over making sure there was enough for them to eat. I was pushing food - my way of showing I cared. I wasn't eating any of it. Next time she "brings" you a token of love, just tell her I love you too Mom, but I'll pass. She will have to find a new way to show you she cares. Don't be so hard on her. She doesn't know any other way.

That's what I think too...My mother is like that. In our family, most good things have always revolved around food.

[ser123 0]

TracyinKS... that's how my dad is. He is here for the holidays and as soon as we left my sister's house he was going on and on about how much food she eats. I was instantly irritated. He used to make fun of my mom for being overweight and me as well. He constantly judges people for being fat. It makes me literally want to take a Peanut Butter sandwich and smash it in his face. I get along with him very well in general but this one issue continues to crop up. His mom, my grandmother, was the same way. I am sure that it contributes to my psychological issues with food.< /p>

Rant over.

[faybie 0]

My dad is the opposite kind of saboteur. He constantly comments about my weight and what I eat. He says crappy things about fat people. He makes fun of fat people. He used to make fun of my mom for being fat, even after she divorced his ass. He used to make fun of me about being fat, even after repeated requests not to.

I have sat down with him and talked to him like a rational person. I have made it about me and not about him. It doesn't matter. Finally, one time me and my dad and my sister were driving in the car and he made a joke about me being fat... about 3 hours after I had had one of our rational conversations about how I find his jokes hurtful. I stopped the car in the middle of heavy traffic and put the hazards on. I told him if he wouldn't stop making fat jokes, that was fine, let me know. I would turn the car around and stay home and he and my sister could go somewhere without me. We sat there for 5 minutes in the middle of a lane of traffice. I didn't say anything and neither did he. It was one of those situations where the first person who talked was going to lose. He finally said, "Fine, I won't make any more jokes" and he hasn't and that was 3 years ago.

He is still indirectly very passive aggressive about it. But I do not take direct abuse anymore.

Sometimes you have to be a real hard ass and sometimes being rational and nice and calm doesn't work.

Good luck, and keep us updated on how you handle your mom...

super genius,

My late father was the same way, but my forcefulness and hard assness NEVER phased him, he would have sat there in traffic for a week... Your father made a big step imo, even though he is terribly, terribly wrong, but for him to admit and not do it if he was/is that type of person is impressive to me. It's him not you, always remember that and forgive... Forgiveness is a choice.

My apologies for the hijack but this hit home with me...

[GayleTX 1]

Yep, every southerner loves a good funeral because the food just starts pouring in!! LOL!! And every cook tries to outdo the other. I always accused my dad of going to funerals of people he didn't even know just so he coud eat the good 'vittles.'

My mom does the same thing as yours, especially when we eat out. She is in a wheelchair and I'll fill her plate at a buffet and then go fix my paltry little plate. As soon as I sit down, she starts taking food off her plate and piling it on mine. She just can't stand to see me 'deprived.' I'M NOT DEPRIVED!! It does not bother me one bit. In fact, I LOVE feeling superior to all those folks at the buffet places around me eating with both hands like starving barbarians. I AM IN CONTROL!! I no longer have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. I'm still fat, but not as fat as I was.....in spite of my mother!!!

[ser123 0]

Faybie, I totally agree with you... and I do believe he made a big step by not continuing to make fun of me directly. I can say me smashing a Peanut Butter sandwich in his face would not be very forgiving, would it? Thanks for the attitude adjustment! :bananapartyhat:

[roband 0]

Some people only know how to love with food.

Keep up the the GREAT work!!!:clap2:

[flabuless 18]

Wow kynnekke

What will power! I don't think I would be able to be as strong as you! You are an inspiration to us all! I think your mum is just insecure as you keep on loosing weight and doing great she is going to have to look at her own self and she doesn't want to do that...easier to keep you large then have to deal with herself. The force be with you!

:bananapartyhat: becky

[kwhenrykerr 0]

GayleTX: You are in CONTROL, yea girl!

[TruBlueSue 0]

Tracy - your mom and mine MUST be related...lol...for Christmas (I don't Celebrate it b/c I converted to Judaism, but she just can't get over that either) she gave me a huge box of cordial cherries - my absolute, can't turn down fave...I ate 4 (two servings) over two days and dumped the rest...jeez...and I'm now in a size 14 pant she keeps telling me that "my, the ass in those is so baggy..." The 14s fit for now...damn...gimme a break...wish the top would shrink as much as the bottom lol but not my hubby!!