How do I let go of the fear of Trusting myself again?

[Lunaya 64]

This is hard for me as I am new here and I am usually a very private person. I just feel like if anyone will understand, the people here will.

Today I am 10 days to surgery. I have made a list of 141 reason why I want to be Sleeved. I have my daily schedule ready and I am going to my last big supper on Tuesday the 28th with all my close friends and family. I start my liquid pre-op diet on the 29th, one week out from surgery. On the 30th I go for my last pre-op with my Dr. and Dietitian and then my last pre-op visit with my Counselor. I am scared but excited too and I think this is pretty normal honestly. I just feel a little confused and sad and I am not sure why. I seem to want to be alone all the time lately and I am not sure why that is going on either. I am not actually scared of the surgery, I mean I am a little concerned over all the "Could" happens but not really scared. I guess the biggest part of my fear comes from the fact that I can't trust myself. I always let me down that is how I got to 422 lbs to begin with. I don't want to go through all of this, and then just let myself down yet again. I mean after all this surgery is just a tool the rest is up to me and I have a less than desirable record thus far. I am sure I can do what I need to but will I ? What if I don't? How will I deal with it then? What kind of trust will I ever have in myself then?

I have gone through Therapy long enough to know that I am not the same person who got me to 422 lbs, but I am just having a hard time finding a way to re-assure myself that I can and will do this, without letting myself down again. I have gone through the whole forgiving myself for getting in this shape. I have come a long way since the days when I literally hated myself. I also know I will be more in tune with my needs because I have for a while now and I have lost 40 lbs on my own. I am a new person and this tool will help me to move into the next phase of the new me. This truly is the next step, so then why am I so worried? Has anyone else felt this way before surgery and how did you over come the melancholy of it all??

Thank you for letting me vent.

Lunaya

[Takingcontrol 467]

The good news is you WILL loose weight & prob pretty fast with your BMI. That should boost your ego & keep you motivated for quiet awhile. Yes, you can blow it & abuse your sleeve....but you should not ever be able to get where you are now. Just stay as focused as you are & you should do great! You WILL slip....we ALL do, & the good thing is the sleeve has its own way of reminding you it's there...& get back on track...just learn to listen to it! Good luck & keep us posted! :-)

[MizzouGirl 148]

I don't have answers to your questions but can tell you I too have all kinds of things going on in my head as I prepare for my surgery on the 31st. I think that's normal (hopefully). This is a great place for support and I wish you the very best on your journey. Sounds like you've come a long way so far which is super encouraging.

[No game 14,437]

I think everything that you have said here are feelings we have all felt along the way!

We are breaking up with our best friend our comfort our obsession. And we've done this dance a million times before right? Always to find our way back and feeling pretty low about it and our perceived lack of "willpower"

How will this be different? That's a good question. And I think the answer is different for each one of us.

Some say that they are finally "satisfied" with small amounts of food.

Some say the restriction and consequences from over eating after the sleeve will help "train" them.

And some say that this is literally their last chance at weight loss they are going to do whatever it takes to make it work.

Whatever it is I know that it still takes work and its not easy everyday.

But it is possible and it can be a reality to lose weight and keep it off.

Oh and it sounds like you are doing a good job losing weight pre op..

I read that you are going out to dinner with family and friends? For one last big meal? Is the occasion especially for one last meal?

[Lunaya 64]

It is mostly so that we can all get together and have a nice meal but it is my last hurrah I guess. I will never eat this way again! I will be very healthy in my choices from now on so it is like a Goodbye to my old self and hello to my New self so to speak! Thank you all for your encouraging responses. I just guess I needed to know I am not the only one who has felt this way before.

[No game 14,437]

It is mostly so that we can all get together and have a nice meal but it is my last hurrah I guess. I will never eat this way again! I will be very healthy in my choices from now on so it is like a Goodbye to my old self and hello to my New self so to speak! Thank you all for your encouraging responses. I just guess I needed to know I am not the only one who has felt this way before.

I want you to know that after you are done healing. You will still be able to socialize and go out to eat with friends!

What you are doing is something a lot if us call food funerals... And trust me some of us had weeks of them not just one night.

But when you are there, I would say look at the good time you are having with family and friends and know you will still have that afterwards.

The food? It will be eaten and then it's gone nothing magical or special comes from it..

[danelle235 79]

Lunaya... Thanks for sharing your story. It takes courage, and you're right. Everyone here is supportive and understanding of the struggle of being in bodies that don't serve us. This is an opportunity to change our internal dialogues, or thinking about all the times we've failed ourselves in past attempts. This is DIFFERENT. You've never had 70-85% of your stomach removed before. And while it DOES take a bit of work and dedication and... there IS inevitably some mourning over losing our 'coping mechanism', this is still a game changer. A LIFE changer. I encourage you to listen to the many many positive testimonials of people that LOVE their sleeve, and once the weight starts falling off and you feel and see results, your mentality changes. It just does. You will be one of those that are celebrating in no time! And in the meantime, we're here for ya!!!! You got this!!!

[NancyDec20 212]

I think for all surgeries there are could ofs... I was nervous of what was I gonna feel like afterwards... well its a shocker for sure.. I woke up and I was all there still.. not hurting at all cuz of the pain meds.. oh yes get the pain meds.. you will need them if not during the day then at night to get comfy and sleep.. its a great journey.. yes I had the food funeral.. and I had to say goodbye to an old me and hello to the new me.. and what a boost when the wt starts falling off. its like I can do this. I have a great support group at my jobs and at home.. plus here too.. all sorts of good advice and help and comfort.. yes its true we all slip and have something we really shouldnt.. but our tummys will tell us for sure.. its like hey! dont eat that again..and so you dont. .makes it hurt.. and you dont feel well.. live and learn.. just make sure you sip sip sip and get your Protein and fluids in.. thats important..and listen to what the doctor says.. you will be great.. best of luck to you..

[inarakatra 51]

I really think that you will be happier with the surgery. I can lost 40 lbs, but I gain it back then lose it then gain back ... etc. I'm where I am in my weight because I can't get skinny so I'm having this surgery in hopes to fix that. I'm 38 and my body doesn't lose like it use to. I am even a vegetarian who has cut out sugar. I use Splenda. I don't have caffine and I still can't lose the weight. So this is the next step. This step seems to work for people who can't lose it any other way. I can do without the bad food, but my body still seems to stay fat. Best of luck!!!

[GirlOnFire 111]

I'm still pre op but it sounds to me that you are in the right frame of mind for this surgery. You have really thought it through and the only things that are left are the things that you can't possibly know until after its over. Its normal to fear the unknown...especially when you have tried so many times before and it didn't work. I'm right there with ya.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

141 reason why I want to be Sleeved - confused and sad - can't trust myself.

Lunaya

Welcome to VSG (also referred to as the venting/support board!!

I think we all have been in your shoes

coming here shows how smart you are - and how lucky we are

All/most of have lost X amount of weight over the years - over and over again - just to regain

it can/is a scary feeling how things will "work" for you after surgery

having had many surgeries, like you i wasn't afraid of the operation itself

i also was afraid - OMG - after all my failures, why will I all of a sudden will be successful now???

i didn't find the answer right immediately after surgery

but as time progressed - and i continued to eat and drink properly, losing weight - i thought to myself "wow, i'm doing this"

you do have the help now from your smaller tummy - thats why we were sleeved to help us be successful in losing this weight and keeping it off

as you said - the sleeve is only a tool - but its a great tool!!!!

it helps us moderate are food - not allowing us to eat much - actually very, very small bits of food

but as OP said - you will be able to go out with friends and family - ordering an appetiser and only being able to eat a small bit (taking the rest home for another couple of meals)

truth is just throwing in here for a minute hubby and i went to Red Lobster last night!!!!

i had salmon and scallops w/broccoli- Um um good

i ate 1/2 and took the rest home for tomorrow!!!

I always remind my DH (darling husband) i am a cheap date

As someone else said - sure you PROBABLY will slip up a bit - we/most all of have been there (i'm raising my hand )

btw if you start to goof up - a bunch of us climb through the monitor and reach out saying, no, no, no - don't eat that!!

actually we just give you a hug - and we'll talk to you, listen to you vent - we are all here to help you

we/you get back on the wagon, start on the trail again, and hopefully our GPS will take us on the right road

We all know you can do this! we know it, we know it, we know it!!!

we can try and convince you too - but you have the final word

just keep telling yourself - "this time i will lose the weight, and keep it off - i'm so excited to start my new life, i will be successful"

being scared, nervous - happy, excited too are emotions we all feel before WLS

i am usually a good judge of character

and i see your lovely smiling face and i say,"wow what a great candidate for surgery!!" I know she can do this, she will regain her health, and become happier with herself"

DON"T second guess yourself - you have made the wise decision to have this surgery!!

there will always be bumps in the road

unless DOT paved that day

come to the board and read many different questions and answers you are thinking to yourself

then ask your own great questions

we're all here for all you NEWBIES

you will become a loser in no time - but we know you are a winner!!!

keep up the great work with your pre-op

take care bud

you can do this

good luck

:wub:

kathy