Unsupportive Family Members

[No game 14,437]

I've made a conscious decision not to tell my family. I live in the same house as my mother and will not be telling her. Based on history and knowing them' date=' this makes for a far less stressful decision to keep them in the dark. The only person that knows is my daughter (who is uber supportive) and my best friend, only because I want him to sit with my daughter in the waiting room so she isn't alone.

My grandmother would worry herself to death so I'm just asking her to say a prayer for me for my birthday (my surgery day).

Will I ever tell them? No.

Everything isn't for everybody. Definitely make the best decision for you.[/quote']

My word! Won't that be stressful keeping it a secret from someone you live with?

I didn't tell my mom until I had a surgery date.

And my poor mother inlaw wasn't told until I came home from the hospital. Because she would have a freak out, and she did

But I don't know if is possible to not tell someone you live with?

[Nuchnuch 120]

First of all, I want to say how sorry I am that you received this reaction from someone, your mom, who you would hope wouLd be supportive especially if weight is something you have struggled with. I could not imagine if I didn't have the support of my husband and my parents, they have been awesome.

It is pretty interesting to me that when it comes to wls, other people seem to believe that we make this decision to go through with it, without thinking. In most instances, since it is such a life-changing surgery it is something that is extensively researched.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

[1stBabeBorn5th 51]

My word! Won't that be stressful keeping it a secret from someone you live with?

I didn't tell my mom until I had a surgery date.

And my poor mother inlaw wasn't told until I came home from the hospital. Because she would have a freak out' date=' and she did

But I don't know if is possible to not tell someone you live with?[/quote']

Nope. Not stressful at all. I can go weeks without seeing or speaking to her. She'll never notice that I was gone for 2 days ore that I've dropped weight.

[Amy O 7]

So an update: we have finally talked. While it didn't go the way I hoped we now have some understanding. She is mad that her opinion seemingly doesn't matter to me. While I have made my decision to go ahead, her opinion does matter, which is the whole reason I told her about it in the first place. She says i'm impulsive, I want things done now and right away. I haven't tried hard enough, I need to try again, i'm taking the easy way out. Somehow, in her head she thinks she has done more research than I have done. She says "if you think you're going to get my approval on this, you are wrong". Well I am an adult, my insurance covers it, and I have talked it over with my husband. I really hate arguing with her, we are close and this really upsets me

[kulita 243]

Does your mother live with you and your husband? If not, then how will she ever see that you have done your research, have dieted, have a Dr's approval, and need the surgery to benefit your health? She may or may not see it, but keep reminding her that you are going to try to seek approval because you are doing what is best for your health right now and don't want your health to get worse. Also, remind her that you would like her support in your adult decision. If she starts complaining or tries to talk you out of the your choices that you have made let her know that you do not want to discuss it anymore and change the conversation. Soon she will realize that if she wants to talk to you she must do so in a respectable manner that will not cause your undue stress.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

So an update: we have finally talked. While it didn't go the way I hoped we now have some understanding. She is mad that her opinion seemingly doesn't matter to me. While I have made my decision to go ahead, her opinion does matter, which is the whole reason I told her about it in the first place. She says i'm impulsive, I want things done now and right away. I haven't tried hard enough, I need to try again, i'm taking the easy way out. Somehow, in her head she thinks she has done more research than I have done. She says "if you think you're going to get my approval on this, you are wrong". Well I am an adult, my insurance covers it, and I have talked it over with my husband. I really hate arguing with her, we are close and this really upsets me

It is so hard to draw a line with a mom, but this is part of being an adult and your mom will love you even more for it. I bet she is very proud of you and deep down is scared she will lose you. I love your determination and I know you will be very successful with your new sleeve and your mom will be there to support you after it's done too. Especially when she sees how happy and healthier than before..... CONGRATS!

[sixbuttons 102]

I understand how you feel. I made the decision to only tell a few people - well at first. I told my parents and my dad was super supportive right from the beginning and so was my mom. Then last month she told I should try dieting again, that surgery is really drastic and there is no coming back from it. Now, this month, she's back on board! LOL! She said she just doesn't want something to go wrong or for me to die or be sick all the time. I think a real problem with the sleeve is that people think it's exactly like gastric bypass. I'm 29 years old and when I was like 16 or so we met a lady who'd had gastric bypass and she had nothing but horror stories to tell my mother and I. So, to this day, that's what my mother thinks. And she was telling me that I would get dumping syndrome and all that. I gave her my handbook to read and then she felt a lot better. I don't know if your doctor gave you anything like that or not, but mine gave us a folder full of info. Now, my mother has even mentioned maybe trying to have surgery at some point! She wants it now! I know it's hard, but give her some time. You are her baby and she doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. I don't know if you have kids, but I have a 3 year old son and I would go nuts if he had to have a major surgery because I don't want anything to every hurt him. Maybe your mom will never be supportive, *but* maybe in time she'll come around - especially after you have surgery and she realizes you're going to be just fine.

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

Thanks for the update, I was wondering how things were going.Good job being a grown up! Sometimes it's REALLY hard to remember that you're an adult when you're dealing with your parents! You mom has her feelings hurt now and she'll get over it!

BTW, I only told my sisters because I KNEW they'd be super supportive.. My mother, sister-in-law and extended family still have no clue.

[abranewme 98]

It is so hard to draw a line with a mom' date=' but this is part of being an adult and your mom will love you even more for it. I bet she is very proud of you and deep down is scared she will lose you. I love your determination and I know you will be very successful with your new sleeve and your mom will be there to support you after it's done too. Especially when she sees how happy and healthier than before..... CONGRATS! [/quote']

^^^^what Ms Skinniness said is SO TRUE and on the money!

[Lunaya 64]

I just want to say, I worry about those who are not telling their loved ones. My Sister did this to me kind of, Told me she was having surgery on the 16th but actually had it on the 15th. It was a routine surgery not WLS but she lied so that I would not worry. Of course I didn't as I didn't know but then I received the call that she had passed away. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. I am just trying to give you some insight to the other side of the story.

With Blessings to all

[Fixerupper 335]

Lunaya, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[LI Gemini NY 607]

I just want to say' date=' I worry about those who are not telling their loved ones. My Sister did this to me kind of, Told me she was having surgery on the 16th but actually had it on the 15th. It was a routine surgery not WLS but she lied so that I would not worry. Of course I didn't as I didn't know but then I received the call that she had passed away. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. I am just trying to give you some insight to the other side of the story.

With Blessings to all[/quote']

I'm Sooo sorry you experienced that. I gasped when i read your post. This thought really plagued me for quite a while so I told my mom n sis. You never know what will happen and I would hate for them to live with unanswered questions and no closure.

[Lunaya 64]

Thank you for your sympathies. I am happy to hear that it helped you some.

Blessings

Lunaya

[abranewme 98]

I just want to say' date=' I worry about those who are not telling their loved ones. My Sister did this to me kind of, Told me she was having surgery on the 16th but actually had it on the 15th. It was a routine surgery not WLS but she lied so that I would not worry. Of course I didn't as I didn't know but then I received the call that she had passed away. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. I am just trying to give you some insight to the other side of the story.

With Blessings to all[/quote']

Oh my GOSH I am SO SORRY to hear of your loss. I am marinating on all you've said. Wow...