Unsupportive Family Members

[Amy O 7]

I just need a little time to vent - thanks for listening in advance

So yesterday I went to the first of my 6 month meetings with the nutritionist. I was so excited to finally be starting this, because I have been researching this surgery for years, and at last my insurance covers it!

I started the process three years ago, was going to weight watchers again, and decided that this would be the right thing for me - to find out that my insurance did not cover it. So I tried it again, counting calories, going to the gym, etc to no avail. But I never told anyone about these diets I was doing, because I was afraid I was going to fail like I had done so many times before.

Fast forward to yesterday, I'm so excited walking out of the nutritionists office, who gave me a glowing review saying that I would be a great candidate for the surgery. My mother calls me and I tell her where I was, and why I was there. She proceeds to yell at me, saying I don't know what i'm doing, this is a drastic surgery, there are so many complications, it's not reversible, i'm lazy, I dont exercise enough, do you know that this is a LIFE change, what am i thinking, blah blah blah. Keep in mind, that I am 28 years old, married (my husband is super supportive of whatever I decide to do) and haven't lived with my mother in about 4 years. She has no idea what i've tried and what i haven't. Plus, I have done so much research that I know all the ins and outs. I told her, that this matter is not up for discussion, that she could be supportive or we would not talk about it. She said bye and hung up. We have not talked since. I know she is probably just scared for me but dang, I really didn't think she would react like this.

[Shribhi 9]

Hi Amy.

Im writing to you from India and just yesterday i decided to do the surgery and met the doctor.im sorry about your mothers reaction and this is precisely what i fear so ive decided not to tell my parents or my in laws or anybody except for my closest friends.i know its hard but dont take it to the heart.they wish well for us and are not so well inormed about the surgery and are not even aware how much we have triedwith other things since they dont live with us and dont see us on a day to day basis.i have umbilical hernia which im getting corrected when im getting sleeved so i have decided to tell my parents only about the hernia surgery and everybody else too for that matter.we have each other Amy everyone here in this forum is super supportive.ive found some excellent friends here who i write to everyday and they write back and since we all are in the same boat we completely get each other.so my dear Amy dont be disheartened.....you can write to me whenever you want and ill write back as soon as i see tour message.love and hugs.

[AudOne 82]

I got some of the most supportive comments from people I would never have expected it from and some of the most negative from some of my closest friends and family. I do believe they are scared for us but at the same time people who aren't in your shoes don't understand. Obesity is a disease with massive dangers all by itself. Diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, constant joint pain and muscle aches and yes early death. I explained it to these people in those terms. I also explained something the NUT at my doc's office told me that I have found invaluable, the surgery doesn't cure my disease, but it does put it in remission so that I can learn to deal and live with it daily. This is your journey, no one else's. It took me years to decide to do this for myself. Now, 10 days after surgery I wouldn't change my decision and I feel optimistic about my future for the first time in years. Remember to trust and put faith in yourself! You are worth this!

[Fixerupper 335]

Had surgery 8 days ago. Didn't even tell my mom. I felt bad at first but I needed to do this for me without anyone else's anxiety. I'm grown and this is my business. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Shribhi 9]

See Amy.......its everybodys story.....AudOne wrote the same thing ......look at the brighter side...you just made two new friends who understand you ......feel free to write anytime.hugs.

[Amy O 7]

Thank you all so much - There is such great support in this forum! Thankfully I do have people who are greatly supporting me in this journey, it just sucks that she isn't one of them

[FeeIsMe2 508]

Thank God my hubby and mom were so supportive, but my Aunt actually called me at work and told me not to do it... obviously I didn't listen to her and now I down over 140 lbs and she says that this surgery is the best thing I ever did.. Ha! (She never mentioned that she told me not to do it)

Do whats best for you!

[Purplrose323 32]

Hi Amy, I'm sorry your mom isn't more supportive. Hang in there! A friend of mine had WLS and her father was the same way, very unsupportive, told her she was taking the easy way out, etc etc. Fast forward to 5 years later and he tells her how wonderful she looks and how great it was that she did this. I myself am in the process of having trying to get revised from lap band to sleeve. This time around I only told certain people. You will find some positive and some negative, but you are doing this for you and no one else! I have gotten so much support from this website it's amazing and a Godsend, fill the void from those that don't support my decision. Good luck with your journey!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I love that you set a boundary with your mom.......Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy! She will come around and she will see your happiness and the positive changes in you. Your right, she is scared and she doesn't know that this is the safer procedure out of all the wls. Plus it's permanent...... Keep movin forward to a healthier life style.......

[kulita 243]

Are your parents paying for this procedure? If not, then you need to take a stand and tell your loved ones that the question left unanswered is whether or not they will support your and your Dr's; NOT whether or not you will have the surgery. I hope the best for you. I also hope you don't have the type of parents that will chastise you as soon as you are in pain, or experiencing a difficulty- NO ONE needs that in their life. That is emotional abuse and neglect. My guess is that they just want what is best for you and don't want to see you suffer. They best way they can do this is through supporting you, finding out all sorts of info, and asking YOUR Dr. and questions or concerns that they may have.

Dr. Oz even said it best when he stated that the risks for this surgery is minimal compared to the risks of not having it and developing debilitating disease from obesity. http://www.doctoroz....ould-be-getting

[NeverBeTheSameAgain 241]

This forum is completely supportive and I have found SEVERAL friends here...but sometimes we want support from certain ppl bcuz we love them so much and we expect them to except us in everything we want to do, or places we want to go ect. I kno that I would be devestated if my mom said those things and not tlked to me since then, it hurts and she is scared, uninformed, worried and thats maybe all she knows...BUT u need this to save UR life not hers. Nobdy really knows how u feel when ur in the car by urself, when ur in the bathroom looking in the mirror, when u've been invited somewhere and ur scared about what ppl might say....only u know ur reasons for coming to this decision in the 1st place and by all means this is NOT THE EASY WAY OUT. The easy way, is to just stay on the road ur on, do nothing about it and just die. U be encouraged and if u need more support message me or any1 of us and we will help u thru this. We are all in this 2gether!!!!!

[abranewme 98]

I think my bf is jealous I'm getting this done. She's suddenly acting odd saying DON'T get the surgery you can die. I think the idea of me being skinny again without her freaks her out. My husband? Super supportive! Not telling anyone else in fear of unsolicited advice and negative reactions.

[MystiGal 143]

9 times out of 10, people are afraid of the unknown. Maybe you should share some of the material you researched before deciding on this surgery. My family was initially against it, but only because.they were not informed and it scared them. Once I provided them with websites, and material from my surgeon, they all felt better about my decision. At the end of the day, the only person that needs to be ok with your decision is you.

[junebug38 13]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I think it's really good that you stood your ground! Hopefully she will come around!

I'm 38, single, and have not told a soul I'm doing this because I don't want to have to deal with reactions like that. All my friends are thin or only slightly overweight....they just don't understand what it's like. I have lost and regained the same 30lbs just about every year for the last 10 years. I have finally realized I need to do something else! But the decision feels very private to me, so I don't think I'm going to even tell my parents. I don't want them at the hospital, and I don't want them telling all their friends, which they have a tendency to do. I do feel bad that I will have to lie to them and tell them I am going out of town on a work trip so they will watch my dogs for a week...

Ok, I'll stop there. I guess I have a few things to get off my chest too!

[1stBabeBorn5th 51]

I've made a conscious decision not to tell my family. I live in the same house as my mother and will not be telling her. Based on history and knowing them, this makes for a far less stressful decision to keep them in the dark. The only person that knows is my daughter (who is uber supportive) and my best friend, only because I want him to sit with my daughter in the waiting room so she isn't alone.

My grandmother would worry herself to death so I'm just asking her to say a prayer for me for my birthday (my surgery day).

Will I ever tell them? No.

Everything isn't for everybody. Definitely make the best decision for you.