I came out about my surgery

[mistysj 1,940]

Originally I was going to keep my surgery a secret, but I really dislike secrets and I was inspired by Angelina Jolie to share to help reduce the stigma. I posted the following to my Facebook friends and emailed it to family and friends who are not on Facebook. I don't think this is the right move for everyone but it was the right move for me.

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I really dislike secrets. That's the reason for this post. I am typically a very open person, especially when my experience might help someone else.

You know how Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy before she got breast cancer, as a preventive measure? Well, last week I had surgery for a similar reason. I had a weight loss surgery called the vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG). This is a different procedure from the lap band or the gastric bypass. The purpose of the surgery is to allow me to eat small enough portions to lose a significant amount of weight, while feeling much less hunger.

I wasn't originally going to disclose it beyond my very closest family and friends, because there is a huge stigma about weight loss surgery. The stigma of weight loss surgery is almost as bad as being obese itself. But I think the stigma is wrong. I had the surgery to address my diabetes, which was extremely manageable before the surgery but is already in remission, only days afterward. I did it to prevent sleep apnea, arthritis, high blood pressure, and heart disease, none of which I have yet.

I also did it because being fat in this culture is very hard, emotionally and psychologically. People are cruel to fat people. I've been told by family members that I caused my diabetes, that I would never find love or marry as long as I was fat, and that I'd look so much prettier if I lost weight.

I probably won't talk much more about the weight loss surgery or the weight loss itself. While compliments are nice, compliments about weight loss make me feel very uncomfortable and feel extremely personal. The "losing phase" will probably last a year to 18 months, and then I will be in "maintenance" for the rest of my life, which will hopefully be long and healthy. I won't be crowing about how much weight I have lost. It's a personal issue and I have no idea why people think it is appropriate to ask.

But I want to do my part to end the stigma about weight loss surgery because diet and exercise alone don't work for 95% of people who are obese. If it has worked for you, I'm happy for you. If you've kept the weight off for several years, you are quite an outlier. Surgery works in almost every case.

Please don't send me your friend-of-a-friend anecdotes or other negative opinions. I am not a doctor and I will not give you medical advice. If you have a friend or loved one considering this route, please educate yourself so you can be supportive to them. If you want to know what I can and cannot eat now, that information is pretty easily available too.

It's not an easy decision and it is certainly not the easy way out. Thank you in advance for your support.

[kulita 243]

Misty that is a huge step and I know you feel relief from hiding it.

{{{hugs}}} & <3

[southernsoul 773]

What a beautifully simple and sincere post! Good for you!!

[Ivoryowl 13]

I have not had the surgery yet . But everyone feels that I need to hear their opinion on the subject. This is my body and I am the one to decide what is right for me. Your words express my feelings exactly. Thanks for sharing.

[Pixie Dust 526]

That was very brave of you! If it makes you happy & feel lighter from the setting the truth free, then I'm right behind you, supporting you. As for me, I will keep it personal & private. I just don't have the strength to deal with the negativity & I know that's what I'll get from extended family members. It's a personal decision for everyone but I'm so glad it will work out for you!

[Vixynne 695]

Way to go, Misty! That was a real leap, and you clearly put a lot of thought into your post--it's very well-said!

I'm one of the people who (at least so far) hasn't really brought my choice out into the open. Two friends who have had WLS know about my decision, and they're wonderfully supportive. For me, it's a private decision and (so far) I'm just not comfortable bringing in anyone else's opinion, or as you mentioned, the friend-of-a-friend catastrophe stories or "gosh, why didn't you just go on a diet?" commentary. I'm just not ready for that onslaught, and might not be till I'm post-op.

That being said, one of the reasons I'm having this surgery is that I was inspired by a really wonderful friend of many years--her name here on the boards is wordnerd--and her absolutely amazing transformation from her own VSG.

There may come a time in my weight loss that I will feel so bust-a-button thrilled that I'll want to tell everyone I know.

There may come a time that my journey might be educational or inspirational to someone else who's struggling.

When that happens, I'll share.But not...quite...yet.

I don't have your bravery at the moment, but one day, I know I will--and that's when I'll share, just like you did! I hope everyone who reads your FB post has the good sense to either be super-supportive,or else has the good sense to keep quiet about their negative opinions. Well done!

[mistysj 1,940]

Everyone has been extremely supportive. I didn't really give them the choice if you read the last paragraph.

I didn't post this to convince anyone else to share their surgery. It's a personal choice. Please don't feel any pressure or judgment from me.