Would you go on a date with someone who didn't ask you out until you lost weight?

[skyeblu79 0]

I don't think you can help what you like, but I still think it's shallow. That can go way beyond fat people, really skinny people, ugly people, etc.

Have you ever taken the time to get to know someone and they even started looking better to you? I have. I dated this one guy that kept asking me out for about a year or so. I wasn't attracted to him @ all....I ended up getting to know him and he was a great guy. We weren't a good fit, but he had a great personality and I even started to think he looked better.

I was being shallow. I knew he was nice guy, just no facially attractive. I was afraid about what my friends and family would think.

I have changed a lot though. I have dated a lot of nice looking guys that were losers.

And about fat not being appealing. There are plenty of people that don't feel like that even though America wants us too. One of my bestfriends married a really attractive overweight guy. She likes fat guys. I have another friend the same way.

[Nana~ 4]

1. Would you go out on a date with someone who wasn't interested in you before you lost weight?

Yes, because we are human and we do judge no matter how terrible that is to say we do it. Give the person a chance to know you the real you the you inside~

2. What do you think it says about a person if he/she didn't ask you out when you were heavy but does ask you out when you are thin?

Maybe that person IS Shallow- OR maybe you show more confidence now than before and they like that OR maybe you just look HOT as HECK!

3. If you are dating someone who never knew you when you were heavier, and you gained weight and they dumped you, do you think they are of poor character?

I think if you are dating someone you will see traits that they are that kind of shallow person, and if they dump you for that screw them you can do better!

Nana~

[Lee4love1 0]

Although my surgery may be on hold....I talked to a few people about my surgery. I know and fear a few will give me a few looks after a good weight loss. Actually with me being just 107 lbs over-weight. I am not sure if I would.

It would depend on my feelings on that day.....

[kyethra 0]

When you are dating someone I don't think you have any obligation to stand by someone if the going gets tough for them. I have been on a million first dates/first meetings with people. After a while, you realize that if someone isn't attracted to you it doesn't really matter. Someone else will be and then you won't like them.

To me, people who get mad at other people for not being physically attracted to them while they are morbidly obese is a little strange. We are talking 70-100 lbs overweight minimum. We aren't talking pudgy or even heavy. We are talking morbidly obese, overtly and obviously ill. Disabled. And if you don't think you are sick or disabled then you shouldn't expect your insurance to pay for it.

My husband and I had only been dating about a month (well a little over a month) when the going did get tough for me in terms of my health. That was the way I saw how truly amazing he was. I got sick, and it wasn't clearing up, whatever it was. And I sat down with him and I said that in case this turned out to be something wierd or lasted a while I would understand if he wanted to get out now and not be involved with me, because I couldn't do anything fun like go for walks and I never felt good, etc. I don't think he actually considered it. Well I got a lot sicker and for a lot longer than I ever imagined when I said that. And he was absolutely amazing. So I married him Seriously, I do not know what I would have done without him when I was at my sickest. I would spend days lying on his couch. He would feed me and get me medicine and just take care of me. And he took me to so many Dr apointments, to the ER, he asked the guys at work about gynecologists for me, etc. After we had been dating several months and my health started to improve a little (finally!) I gained some weight- about 20 pounds. Enough to get a bigger skirt size when I went shopping and have a bigger belly, so it was noticeable. And he did notice because he asked me if I had gained some weight. So I said, yes, about twenty pounds. I was nervous. What if he was disapointed in the weight gain? What if he asked me if I was going to lose it, etc? I had no plans to go on a diet. Instead he did the best thing he could possibly do: He said, "Ok, I was wondering." And then he kissed me on my big fat belly. So you see I had to marry him. My highest weight was actually just a couple of months before the wedding- I was just a couple of pounds under 300 pounds. But I got down to about 270 for the wedding, closer to my normal weight (I had ballooned on lyrica). He was nothing but supportive.

Now I have never been thin (well unless you count when I was a tiny little girl). I was about 220 or 240 when we started dating. Of course I am also one of those morbidly obese people who doesn't seem to have the self esteem issues. I have tons of self esteem. Maybe a little too much. I think I am adorable. Granted, I am more adorable thiner, but I am still pretty damn cute morbidly obese. And I have awesome breasts. Anyway, I knew my husband liked bigger girls when he started dating me. I even asked him why. He said it was cause he felt that thinner girls were too thin and looked that twigs and he would worry about them snapping in half or breaking or something (he is actually very gentle). He just doesn't find skinny attractive.

Guys I have dated in the past found me attractive. I never got past the second date with them because I never wanted to (i'm picky) so I figure I was ok. I wasn't going to date someone who jsut wanted a thinner version of me. And I wouldn't date somewhere who liked me but not my size-- unless- and this is the big unless-- unless my transformation to a healthier life style would be what promted them to ask me out instead of just my weight loss. If a guy was more impressed with better habbits and routines and energy and exercise and health, I could dig that. But if all a guy cared about was the scale, no way.

Same with friends, etc. I know some people feel very negatively about obese people. Now maybe they don't care for what they feel is a lack of good grooming or something or other ignorant stereotypes. As I tend to be oblivious and still dress like a sloppy undergrad a lot (bleach stained t shirt, here I come), and I am more likely to forgot to brush my rather long red hair than I am to actually do anything with it (I haven't worn a ponytail in at least two years), I tend to have a bit of acne half the time because I can't be bothered to actually put on my acne cream, same deal with glasses and contacts, and I would like to wear makeup, its just that I would first have to remember, and then I would have to put it on. And that takes time and skill, and effort, and finding the makeup, and so forth. And I swear eyeliner requires an advanced degree in makeup technology. So on occasion, as I rush out of the house, it occurs to me I look like a fat slob. If I were to cultivate a more polished look and had people respond to the polished look I could understand that.

But how does one figure out what one is responding to (other than asking because people do sometimes lie about things and I don't know how to tell if they are being honest)? Are people going to have a positive response to healthier lifestyle or lost weight? To polish look or to lost weight? Or is it impossible to distinguish?

[Lee4love1 0]

Here's my story: I was right at 170 to 180 pounds back in 1995 a few years after my Army days. I had no problem with getting a Woman or a date for that matter. Then I met my children's Mom right after I had started to experience back problems. I had explained to her--how the military service had caused it. She insisted she was a bit phased. We soon was pregnant with child. My son was born in June of 1996. I went back to work without a problem mid 1995. within 3 years--I have major problems. I started to m7y weight go up to, due me always missing work for back pain. In July 1998 I had to have surgery. All of a sudden at the end of 1998 I was totally unappealing. I found out my thyroid was almost asleep. I started on thyroid meds. Soon I got the cold shoulder. During this time--a second child was born. Speeding up a bit--she walked out, complaining hot big and fat I had got--how I was just 1/2 a Man. I went through the up and down weight slide. Down to 250, back up to 300. Tried this diet and that diet. Nothing worked, When I kicked butt with a serious weight loss in 2003--My knee was gone. A full knee replacement, then a second neck surgery. Yes I am disabled, But I pride myself on bouncing back. Now I am 270 and holding. My ex-wife saw me in 2005 and claimed I was l0ooking good. No way I could go back. The mral of the story is, with all of my surgeries, weight gain, weight loss and medical issues. I can't blame my ex-wife. The best thing that came out of it--winning hild custody of my 2 sons--now soon to be and 11 years old. Now I am not even attempting to get a new wife nor girlfriend. I am totally focused on my weight loss--getting the "Lap Band"--even as the medicare policy has changed with the new cuts. I can't blame the ex because--Many years ago before my Marriage. I was really feeling good about this Woman I knew. We attempted dating--but she said --No, No, No. She was like a fit size 8 to 10. But all of sudden she started to gain weight. She had developed Hyperthyroidism--where you lose weight. So her Dr has to place her the meds to gain weight back. Since that is not a clear cut science--she went from that 1o to a large 20 as I would guess. I saw her--I was trying to get away from her. So would I expect someone to date me due to my weight loss and not date me now--again my answer is maybe. I know how folks feel since I have gone from skinny to fat and back.....

[Ccota08 0]

Sorry to post in such an old thread, but I need to speak on this subject. It's one of the things that runs through my mind the most when I think about the surgery.

Over the years, I've had many, many rejections from girls I like. As far as I can tell, it's my weight. I've never had a problem getting along with girls, and I often have girls as friends whose personalities I click with. Hell, a lot of my friends who are girls tend to act a bit flirty with me. And yet, I've never had a stable relationship in my life, and I get the feeling it's because of my weight. Part of me is excited for the prospect of potentially being attractive to girls I like, and yet another part of me knows I'll probably get really upset that the only thing stopping them from liking me is the weight. It's that conflict that scares me. What happens if I get really upset, and possibly angry, with someone I really like, and have liked for a long time? Will it work out, or will I just mess up the only chance I'll have with someone I've liked for years? I just don't know how I would take that...

[kellyodoran 12]

Sorry to post in such an old thread, but I need to speak on this subject. It's one of the things that runs through my mind the most when I think about the surgery.

Over the years, I've had many, many rejections from girls I like. As far as I can tell, it's my weight. I've never had a problem getting along with girls, and I often have girls as friends whose personalities I click with. Hell, a lot of my friends who are girls tend to act a bit flirty with me. And yet, I've never had a stable relationship in my life, and I get the feeling it's because of my weight. Part of me is excited for the prospect of potentially being attractive to girls I like, and yet another part of me knows I'll probably get really upset that the only thing stopping them from liking me is the weight. It's that conflict that scares me. What happens if I get really upset, and possibly angry, with someone I really like, and have liked for a long time? Will it work out, or will I just mess up the only chance I'll have with someone I've liked for years? I just don't know how I would take that...

You are only 20, you have plenty of time to meet someone special. That may not even know you were heavy, and if she does (if you tell her) she should be the kind of person that would be thrilled for your success!

[beernut 0]

Sorry to post in such an old thread, but I need to speak on this subject. It's one of the things that runs through my mind the most when I think about the surgery.

Over the years, I've had many, many rejections from girls I like. As far as I can tell, it's my weight. I've never had a problem getting along with girls, and I often have girls as friends whose personalities I click with. Hell, a lot of my friends who are girls tend to act a bit flirty with me. And yet, I've never had a stable relationship in my life, and I get the feeling it's because of my weight. Part of me is excited for the prospect of potentially being attractive to girls I like, and yet another part of me knows I'll probably get really upset that the only thing stopping them from liking me is the weight. It's that conflict that scares me. What happens if I get really upset, and possibly angry, with someone I really like, and have liked for a long time? Will it work out, or will I just mess up the only chance I'll have with someone I've liked for years? I just don't know how I would take that...

This is a situation where I think you should wait to cross that bridge when and if you come to it. I'm married but wondered if I wouldn't feel angry once men started to notice me again when they didn't even really see me before. I have started to get attention but it just kind of makes me smile and roll my eyes as opposed to getting upset. Who knows how you'll actually feel should that situation arise so try not to dwell on it negatively now.

[HeatherinCA 10]

I'm thinking yes... it would depend no the situation though, and who it is. I haven't been asked out, so if someone approached me that I'm friends with, I wouldn't think anything of it. If it was someone that had rejected me then I'd think twice. TBH I haven't dated, never really had any desire at all (maybe I'm weird). Hopefully I will want to when I'm skinny, but personally I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to because of my weight. I judge guys! I know I'm overweight, but I judge these things about them too. I don't want the type of guy that is available to me now. The (majority of) guys that like overweight girls are an interesting crowd and it doesn't interest me. It's shallow but that is how our mind works. I don't feel I know anybody that would suddenly ask me out when I'm skinny though (lol all my boyz are gay). So I'm not too worried about it.