Really depressed

[wigenie40 12]

Hi, I'm Heather. I joined this site last year, but didn't go through with everything. I'm a Kaiser patient and I'm starting the Options program on May 30. I'm excited about this journey and plan on having the surgery in mid-December. I'm a teacher, so I'll have a 3-week winter break in which to recover.

I guess this is somewhat "off-topic" but I'm so painfully depressed. I've been divorced for over 2 years now, and I feel like it was the worst mistake of my life. I wish it had never happened. I feel like I "thought" I was unhappy with my husband, but being divorced, I'm MORE unhappy than ever. I miss my ex. We are friends and even though he says "we will NEVER get back together," he loves spending time with me, cooks for me and we hang out more than he does with his current "girlfriend." There's a lot of mixed messages coming from him. I'm so depressed...I feel so low, so "black" like the whole world is a sad place to be. And I feel like I ruined my life and it will never feel good again.

The guys I've dated since the divorce have all hurt me in some way or have been "losers" - more proof to me that I really screwed up.

I guess I'm just hoping someone can help me in some way. I hate the depressed side of myself. I feel so overwhelmed by it right now.

Thanks for reading.

[aquitenonnymouse 206]

I would suggest seeing a counselor. They can help you sort things out, and can be a great option. Weight loss surgery won't cure/solve depression, but not dealing with what you're feeling right now CAN sabotage your weight loss post-op.

[Lisha73 97]

Well...chickie....we make decisions sometimes that we sometimes regret...but the one thing is you need to evaluate your life before you get the surgery and I am glad you do have time to figure things out. You do not want to do this when you are already struggling with life issues as it can make them seem even worse...GOOD LUCK!

[brad360west 29]

There's no shame in seeing a psychiatrist. Every one can benefit from talking to some one. Your bariatric program should have a health psychologist available to you. Don't walk, run to them for help!

Hope all is well with you.

[Kelsan 117]

a therapist will be able to help you get through all this. I'm no professional, but maybe you should scale back the amount of time you spend with the ex. That relationship might be doing more harm than good.

[Lissa 2,631]

I agree with Kelsa. It's time to cut the ties with the ex. He's getting something from your interaction (hero worship from you perhaps?) and so are you, but it sounds like you're getting negative messages from him. Don't tolerate it. I also think that counseling would be a great thing for you to explore. Being overweight adds to depression issues and you can't be part of a healthy relationship with someone else until you have a healthy relationship with yourself...whether you have WLS or not. Being thinner only changes your outside packaging. The inside has to change as well...and THAT part of this journey is tough without help. The one thing that I have learned from my year of counseling after WLS is the "be careful what I think". If I start negative self-talk in my head, I will end up depressed and sad. If I keep my self-talk positive, it spreads sunshine and light to the rest of my life. I'm not at my personal weight loss goal yet, but I will get there. However, I'm a million miles removed from the sad, depressed woman I was before my sleeve. This journey requires a lot of head work in addition to the food restriction and exercise that we do. There is a huge mental change that comes with this journey and you really need to be prepared to handle that change because it's going to rock your world in a good way!

[magpie30 187]

I agree with Kelsa, you need to stop spending time with the ex. You will never be able to heal from the split with him if you keep spending so much time with him. It's only going to sabotage yourself. I have suffered from major depression since i was 15, it's hard, and i totally understand the "black " feeling. I highly recommend seeing a therapist and your doctor about maybe even getting on some meds to help. I will be on my meds for life, and i'm on a high dose of 2 of them, i don't like it, but it's the only way i can function. Get some help before you get even lower. message me anytime if you need to talk. *hugs*

[wigenie40 12]

Thanks everyone. I should've said, I am on medication and will be for life and I see a great therapist regularly.

I've struggled with clinical depression since age 8, and I know it will always be something I have to manage, like any other chronic illness. I wrote this post at an extremely low moment...a sad, raw moment. And I thank you all for being so respectful and honest with me. That's what I love about this site - people can really be themselves and find an accepting forum.

Yes, I struggle with cutting all ties with him. I've lost so many people (my parents, grandparents...so much death) in the past decade, I guess another "loss" just seems so frightening at times.

Again, thank you for your responses.

[Lissa 2,631]

wigenie, I understand not wanting to cut those ties. I had to do a lot of tie-cutting during my journey as well.. .and some of it has been really difficult. Do you have hobbies? Hopefully ones that involve social activities. I now love singing karaoke and have found a little hole in the wall place where I feel totally comfortable even if I get up and screw a song up badly. When I started karaoke, I found a whole new group of people who are positive and friendly. That has helped me more with self-acceptance than the counseling, IMO. I truly believe in counseling, but positive feedback is always appreciated, kapish? I truly do wish you luck and I hope that you'll make the ex turn you loose. He's not doing anything positive for you if he's hanging around without making an emotional commitment to you. Even if he's providing sex (and you don't have to tell any of us that), he's got to provide emotional support too, or he's not the right man. As my Granny used to tell me "Girl, you got one of THESE, you can get all of THOSE you want".. .and she's right.