Is it a true fear?

[msslechix 32]

So I know I'm just rambling but May 20th is right around the corner. It's funny how I'm not afraid of the surgery, not afraid of going to TJ, not afraid of the complications. I'm afraid of how my mom will react to me spending so much money, while I won't lend her any more. I literally pulled myself up from nothing after my divorce, and I'm always giving her money to help out of a bind. I'm afraid of how my co workers will react, because they have slammed everyone who chose to have a surgery. Just yesterday they were talking about a guy that no one recognized. Then when they actually realized who he was they confronted him! Told him he looked disgusting and he cheated and was a poor example for his kids who are also overweight. He had to have been over 350 before. He's maybe 200 now. I'm thinking, OMG to lose so much weight that you are unrecognizable? That proves it was needed. That he wasn't his true self at that weight. As for me I'm sure ill look exactly the same. But the condemnation is what I'm afraid of. The why didn't you give "me" the money. The you look disgusting, sick, frail. And as much as we like to think not, looks matter. And what people think of us matters. I grew up with horrible acne and still have the scars inside and out because of that. I've always been sensitive to that.

[devichan 79]

........ your co-workers sound like people who need reality checks. Really, that behavior is uncalled-for. Even my 7-year-old would call them bullies.

My response to anyone who attacked me that way would be "Well, that's certainly one way to look at it," and then contact HR. But that's me.

[thetattooedlady 114]

You deserve this. As a larger woman, I have give to so many people while neglecting myself. I too had acne growing up and was overweight...I never got a chance to truly love myself enough to do something that would be purely for me! At this point I don't feel the least bit guilty about finally doing something for myself! And neither should you!!!!! Be happy that you are changing your own life and damn what anyone else thinks!

[Ladydawg2009 39]

Love your post! Here's a tip. The money is yours. Your body is yours. No one else matters. If you were doing this for anyone but yourself, you would be doing it for the wrong reason. I myself have experienced both those issues. We could have used the money I spent on my copay for other things. But I think my health was at the top of the list of important things to spend money on. And I hear people all the time criticizing me for "taking the easy way." What they don't know, and I don't care that they don't, it that surgery is the hardest thing I have ever went through. I have given birth to a 10 pounds baby with no anesthetic, and would rather do that than another surgery. No my surgery wasn't out of the ordinary, just that it wasn't easy. The people who criticize are plain jealous. Either because they have weight they cant lose and aren't brave enough to take the step we have (or are going to) or they have some other failing they cant fix. So rejoice in yourself, and Celebrate your journey. No one else matters right now but you!

[rebecca_dsu 241]

Are you a confrontational person? Are you able to stand up for yourself? I know a lot of us lack self confidence, and I've seen people gain it through losing the weight.

For your 2 'issues'... I'd say if Mom has something to say about your money, express to her that you work hard for your money and you can spend it how you please. You can express that you are sorry she is in the prediciment that she is in, but she had her entire life to make the choices which led her to where she is, and you WILL NOT take her path nor be responsible for the fact she didn't plan for her own financial future. Reminder that you have helped her, and if she has the attitude of "you owe me", then let her know she won't be receiving help any more is she feels like she has control over YOUR money. You do NOT owe her an explanation though.... And certainly don't tell her how much the surgery was. It's none of her business!

For your coworkers, if they said the first word to me I'd say "Shut it... my body, my decision, my life....go find someone else to give your opinion to, because I don't want it. And if it was a mistake in your eyes, it was mine to make, but guess what?! I don't share your opinion, so back off. You think I cheated? You try going through a major surgery, have 85% of your stomach removed, recover from that only to be able to eat a little amount of food when you want to eat more...this **** ain't easy."

Stand up for yourself! Don't let other people make your decisions, and don't be so afraid of what they think.

The questions are only... do you want this surgery? Do you want to be healthier? Are you willing to spend your hard earned money on it? That's it...No one else gets a vote!

So in answer to your question...No! It's only a fear if you let it be... so don't

Good luck to you! You are gonna rock all those people's socks off with your renewed confidence and healthier self when you get to your goal

[Webchickadee 716]

I'm afraid of how my co workers will react, because they have slammed everyone who chose to have a surgery. Just yesterday they were talking about a guy that no one recognized. Then when they actually realized who he was they confronted him! Told him he looked disgusting and he cheated and was a poor example for his kids who are also overweight.

Wow. Really? Wow.

I am utterly speechless (very rare, believe me).

Firstly, who do they think they are? What gives them the right to even SPEAK to the gentleman about this weight?

Secondly, that man is SETTING an example for his kids. He's shown them that the responsible thing to do is take control of your own health. He's showing them that as an adult, you must contribute to your own positive future and make informed adult decisions about how to adjust a lifestyle to increase your longevity, enjoyment and be less of a burden on society (with less future health-care drain, disability and dependency on your family and relatives due to poor health, etc.).

He should be commended for his brave choice (as should YOU, msslechix) in meeting this challenge head-on and using all available resources to succeed.

Do smokers who want to quit get berated for using nicotine gum or the patch when they try to quit? Do alcoholics get berated for joining AA or another 12-step program? Do drug addicts get belittled and denigrated for going in to detox and rehab?

For some reason I still don't understand, it is still socially acceptable for overweight people to be everyone's punching bag. If we gain weight we're considered lazy, gluttonous and stupid. If we lose weight, some people are just waiting to pounce on us the minute we gain an ounce. back, and silently rubbing their hands in glee (see, I knew they couldn't keep it off).

And heaven help us if we use weight loss surgery such as the VSG to lose weight (and are brave enough to admit it). Now we've "cheated". We've taken the "easy" way out and don't deserve to be happy; to be healthy; to feel normal and accepted. Never mind the fact that many VSG patients spend countless hours exercising, counting Protein and carbs and calories (all the things a "regular" dieter does). Somehow, the surgery did ALL THE WORK.

Msslechix, you are having this surgery for you. People will make comments. Don't let it get to you. Some will support you (stay close to them, you need the support!). Those that are belittling you and making you feel bad could be doing it for many reasons, not the least of which may be jealousy. Whatever the reason, just remember. This surgery and this journey are YOURS. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

I am just a few days away from 1 year post-op. I have been fortunate to have had a lot of support. There have been a few people along the way who were judgmental, and I've withheld the "truth" from some because I didn't think they would appreciate just how hard this decision and this process have been. It is CERTAINLY not "the easy way out".

But I could not be happier. I'm down 136 lbs and I have another 48 lbs to go until goal weight. I am playing sports I gave up 25 years ago. I can breathe without asthma meds (even when exercising hard) whereas before surgery I had 3 puffers and 2 oral meds. I have significantly reduced my risk of heart disease, diabetes, stroke, cancer, joint replacement, and arthritis.

I'm 43 years old and I feel like a teenager again. Life is exciting and a world of possibilities have opened up to me that I thought were gone forever. I would do this again 1000x.

Msslechix. This is YOUR journey. Enjoy it, and let the others be damned.

[msslechix 32]

Thanks for the pep talk everyone. I haven't told anyone at all for those reasons. My only support is me. My mom is coming down to help with the monsters, but I told her it was a different small surgery and the copay was cheap. So that takes care of the money issue. She's now on the "what if you die" kick.

As far as work... It's almost like high school. Lots of cliques and posers. I'm not gonna lie, a few people had the surgery and we ALL questioned, WHY? They didn't look that big and after the surgery one girl looked horrid. But then looking back, objectively, even before I decided to do this... They were overweight. Really overweight. It's just I didn't focus on that as I knew them as great people, not great fat people. There are two brothers I work with. One had the lap band and lost so much weight he was healthier and had do much energy and a spring in his step. And he was proud of it. The other did it with diet and exercise. Extreme diet and exercise. Just to prove it can be done without surgery. So happy for both. But he gets offended if someone thinks he had any surgery.

And you are right. No body ever questions smokers, alcoholics, or other addictions. Or even cosmetic surgery. So yes I'm still sticking with it, and still not telling anyone. I'm sure to be the object of gossip for a while until they find someone else.

[judy79 18]

You have to do it for you so you can be a better parent, and person in general. You are investing in yourself! I was completely confident and had zero fear of going to Mexico after all my research!

[zoey1176 58]

You will Need to put your foot down and say enough is enough. Don't let any body have power over u like that. Who cares what they think.

[carstanger 346]

My counselor told me that I didn't have to take care of my brothers or sisters anymore as an adult and to enjoy being a Mom to my kids and a Grandmother! My sister and brother don't even acknowledge that I have lost weight!! Now eight less than when I had kids and my youngest is 39!! Do this for yourself.. And your health. No one else!!!