No longer invisible, and that's what I wanted, I thought ...

[Nicolanz 1,484]

I think at any weight, we're seen as "sex objects" haha! I used to go out a lot before I had kids and drunk men hitting on you is the worst! You do have to become somewhat of a b***h to get your point across.

As I'm losing weight, I do notice women acting differently. Like pointing out my flawa rather than being happy for me. I only surround myself with positive people but I do have to deal with jealous coworkers and clients. It's okay though, they don't bring me down. I think when you gain confidence and security in yourself, the social aspects fall into place. It might be new territory to have people notice you and it will take time to get used to, but enjoy it. Love yourself and let that personality shine! If social issues are due to abuse, counseling might be helpful. Enjoy life to the fullest and don't let others dictate how you live it!

[Museum-Mama 196]

Lots of great insight above.

I am do not have this problem, as I am still big. Surgery in a month!!!

You cannot control what others think or how they act. You need to learn to be comfortable with who you are and have become. Grasp confidence! If you don't like the way a man is talking to you, be polite but CLEAR that you are not interested. As another post said, women will be catty no matter what. Hey, if your own best friend has the guts to start an affair with your husband and then lie to your face about it, then to heck with it all. (Yes, I went through that. Not pretty.) But what I learned from it was who I Could and SHOULDN'T trust.

To thine own self be true. No one, NO ONE, can fault you for being an honest person. They will try, but that is their own jealousy/insecurity causing it.

And AMEN on the self defense class!

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Oh yea, I forgot to add the safety issue. I'm tall and have always been overweight. I feel like that has been a reason nobody messes with me! I too think about what will happen when I get to goal! Self defense classes sound like a great idea!

[******** 397]

You guys must be hanging out in the wrong places..who said bigger women dont get hit on?...I'm pre surgery and get more attention than my stick thin friends...honestly I wouldn't want attention from men who wouldn't give me attention now. You can't love me at my worst you sure as hell can't at my best...not that I think big is worst looks wise, just health wise. I think confidence is more where your getting attention from, you feel confident with your new body.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Women have always been cruel to me, that is why I make friends with men instead. I have a distinct memory of when I started to really pack on weght in college, I had the semi-unconscious understanding that the fatter I got, the nicer girls were to me. So, I traded self worth and health and confidence for *friends*. Sad. Once I got really fat, girls were nice to me, trusted me around their boyfriends, guys were themselves (quite revealing, both good and bad). Until I got super obese and then it flipped again, with women petrified to share the same oxygen with me, lest they catch the fat.

I think there was a bit of self-sabotage about to happen last year, before my world shattered into a thousand pieces for other reasons, I was teetering on the edge of normal size/very fit, fitness girls were starting to want to be seen with me in public, I was hovering on the edge of the ability to wear single-digit sizes, male models (seriously actual male models) were willing to date me, and there were many nights that I lay in bed, prodding my sharp new hip bones, feeling the never before felt strength in my muscles, that I wondered if I could do it, if it was *okay* that I become an acceptable recognized healthy woman ... and if/how I would handle it ...

I want to get back that feeling of strength, and I want very much to continue losing until goal, and I know everyone else can just suck it. Haters gonna hate, right?

But, if you've ever heard the old saying about the prettiest girl at the dance sits alone because nobody is brave enough to ask her ... it's true, and yes it can be very lonely. The women hate you and wont befriend you because they have been so trained into low self esteem, and the men assume you must be a superior b**** who is going to shoot themdown because you've got your pick of anyone and beauty must be cruel. v_v

I would love to take some self defense classes but there aren't any here, I've just got running and weights at my disposal.

[Vegasme 30]

this is an important topic.. I think this is so important fo you to get to the bottom of. This issue may be why you put on all the weight in the first place ( as a shield). You need to seek therapy to get a solid mind/ body balance and be sure you are fully aware that the weight wasnt really shielding you-- you are old enough now to shield yourself and take back your own power. You deserve to be the best you !! Take the time to get to the root of your emotional situation --- why you put on the weight in the first place?

Best of luck:)

[Rycherchick 147]

I think I did because men have always looked at me and I cheated yrs 2-5 of my marriage. I did put on some as Ins to my hubby after he forgave. Men still looked at me heavy or not so Iam dealing with it in therapy but I do know what you mean. I was never invisible even if thats what subconciously I was going for.

[Rycherchick 147]

I think I did because men have always looked at me and I cheated yrs 2-5 of my marriage. I did put on some as Ins to my hubby after he forgave. Men still looked at me heavy or not so Iam dealing with it in therapy but I do know what you mean. I was never invisible even if thats what subconciously I was going for.

[aquitenonnymouse 206]

I feel like strangers are nicer to me than they used to, and I'm still obese. No one has been cruel to me, but I definitely feel like people interact with me differently. Heck, I probably interact with them differently too.

[Spatters3 315]

Mouse: I think you hit it - people react differently to you now because YOU act differently.

I think there are a lot of people who are repulsed by the morbidly obese. Being there myself, I still have to stop myself from looking at other obese people with pity in my eyes. If *I* have trouble, my Lord, how difficult must it be for someone who has never been overweight?

I always used my size as a shield. It worked well. Now I use my age. HA!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I always feel invisible, I always feel voiceless. People speak for me, literally. It's like I'm not here. Like there's no point in my being here. Like I'm screaming in a soundproof booth, banging my fists, and people are just walking on by, not noticing or caring. Unless it is men wanting to fu** me now. v_v

[Arts137 1,811]

I always feel invisible, I always feel voiceless. People speak for me, literally. It's like I'm not here. Like there's no point in my being here. Like I'm screaming in a soundproof booth, banging my fists, and people are just walking on by, not noticing or caring. Unless it is men wanting to fu** me now. v_v

Globetrotter, we all know that there is much more to you than just a vagina. While I do not know you, your writing lets us know how smart and witty you are. Sorry that this is a tough time. Isolation far away sure must be hard.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Thank you Art, now if only I could get people I know in person to get this, and men.

[Chelenka 827]

Globetrotter: you have brought up a very sensitive issue and I think you are very brave to open yourself up here and speak so honestly about your experiences and feelings. I am very concerned for you because you have so much anger, sound depressed and I think you would really benefit from some counseling if you can afford it. Think of it as an investment in your soul. I have been obese my entire life but I'm also very tall which made me seem threatening and less than feminine to many insecure men. I also have experienced both unwanted and wanted attention from men. I met my husband when I was at a point in my life where I was happy with myself and with being alone and so didn't "need" anyone but I wanted a life-partner. I've never have had any issues bonding with other women and have many close friendships some of them life-long. I think we project onto others what we feel about ourselves. When you learn to love yourself as unconditionally as possible and start projecting that love and kindness out to others you will attract loving people who are not mean-spirited and judgmental and who will love and value you for who you are. I hope you can find some women friends here or in you home-life. Can't imagine going thru life without that support. Hugs to you!

pre-surgery weight 325; surgery date 2/28/2013; surgery weight 307; 8 weeks past-op weight 281.4

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Great thread, and I didn't read all the replies yet - but i will.

Let me make one simple comment. You and I have a CHOICE of how we respond to this attention, to this no longer being invisible. WE HAVE THE POWER OF HOW IT WILL IMPACT US AND OUR BEHAVIOR - NOBODY ELSE HAS THAT UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE IT TO THEM.

At first it was scary to me too. I felt like all eyes were on me, everywhere I went. i felt... naked. I felt both too ugly and too attractive all at the same time. I wondered if I was dressed too revealing/too sexy but friends often told me i dressed to baggy and illfitting clothes. There was a weird couple of months when long time friends and colleagues were wowed and amazed and calling me hot...

Now, I am in a much better place. I do get appreciative looks sometimes stil but it doesn't impact me much. I am me, whether men look at me or not. I am comfortable in my own skin.

It is empowering to realize that they can look or not look.

I can respond or not respond.

It makes me feel good to be appreciated (much like I appreciate an attractive man!) but - i have a perfectly wonderful day with or without that glance.

I think it starts with accepting yourself and being comfortable with you - just the way you are.