Lower BMI Bandsters!

[AudricIan 0]

I am getting so excited too and it is all I want to talk about. At times I think I am just going to tell him, then I can't do it. He doesn't know how much I weigh. My hubby thinks I weigh about 160 lbs, I told him it was more and when I asked him if he wanted to know he said "no". I have to respect that, he is 6'4" and weighs 195, I am 5'6" and weigh nearly 190. Maybe if he knew how much I weigh now he would tell me to go for it. I believe he feels that only people who weigh 300 lbs have this surgery done. I could try to convince him until I am blue in the face, i could even show him this forum and he wouldn't get it. I want so badly to be able to share my excitement and my fears with him but I just can't at this time. I guess until I am able to tell him I will just have to type away, I need to talk about it. Don't worry, I will keep everyone posted. I am still waiting on the final word from the finance company, if the money doesn't get transferred this week I may have to push my surgery one more week....I don't want to do that. I was hoping to be able to at least try some mushy stuff at Christmas dinner. If I am drinking liquids everyone is going to think I am crazy!

[new_me_2008 1]

Audri....

I know how you are feeling. My husband is 6'4 and 205 always been in perfect shape (but he works on it too.) I was so scared to tell him and put it off for the longest time.

Finally, while on a business trip, I called him and just told him what I was going to do (it was only a week before my surgery) and he says now that the sound of my voice was so different that he totally supported me and even came up with a better way to pay for it.

It was a 10 minute conversation and made us closer - in fact he became a huge ally in this with me and has helped me every step of the way. I have only told 3 others and I plan to keep it that way.

On another note, if you plan to see your husband in the 4-5 days after the surgery I dont know how you COULD keep it secret. I was sore, gassy and barely able to walk properly. I have also had a C section and this is much easier but still not a walk in the park. A nurse at my doctors office went back to work the NEXT day, so maybe it is possible, but with the bandages etc. I am just not sure how I would have kept that from my DH.

Do you keep all of your finances separate? Won't he notice a large expense like surgery? How would you feel if he spent a large amount of money without telling you? Just things to think about...

Good luck to you and I hope you have all the success that I and others have experienced. I so wish that I would have done this all sooner, it has been the best 2 months ever.

[Longhorn 1]

When I first brought up getting the surgery, I thought my husband would be against it. Now, we have the kind of relationship that even if he hadn't liked the idea, he would never have tried to stop me. But we don't make such big financial decisions without discussing it with one another. When I told him later that I didn't think our insurance would cover me (turns it, it doesn't cover any bariatric surgery for any reason,) he said he thought it was worth the money if it made me feel better. I've been tired and lethargic and he knows how sick I am of looking like this. He also knows that I had researched the surgery and wouldn't do it if I didn't think it was safe and effective.

We all have different relationships. I can't imagine not sharing this with my husband but I only walk in my own shoes.

[AudricIan 0]

My husband is so anti doctor, he would not support my decision. It goes way back to his child hood, his mom tried to cure everything with health food, Vitamins and minerals. My hubby had worms at one point and instead of taking him to the doctor, she spent 2 months changing his diet and giving him minerals, he had to suffer for 2 months! She had her thyroid taken when she was 18 because apparently that is what the doctors did back in the 50's. It has ruined her life and she has brained washed her kids to think doctor's are all body mutilators (sp?). Let's just say this: I had my youngest son last October by c-section. He was 9lbs and 3 weeks early. He had major complications because as they pulled him out he was not able to get all of the Fluid out of his lungs. He spent 2 weeks at a childrens hospital and went into cardiac arrest on day 3. Luckily, he is fine now, no health problems what so ever. His mom had the nerve to tell us that this happened because I didn't eat right and the doctor took him early so he could go on vacation or something. THE NERVE OF HER! This is how my 35 year old husband has been raised. I hate to tell him when I have to get immunizations for the kids because I know he is going to start talking about autism and preservatives in the immunizations. He has come a long way with the doctor thing, he has come to realize that the doctor's saved our son and they are not of body hackers. In his eyes this surgery is not neccessary for me.

I know that I am going to have to tell him, I may tell him the day I come home. I just can't tell him before. We each have separate accounts and one joint account. I will be paying for this myself. I don't know what else to do. He has a race boat and I absoutley hate it when he dumps large sums of money into it without discussing it with me. 3 years ago he crashed his boat, I supported his decision to take out a second on the house to get the boat fixed. That is something that he is passionate about, his boat is his dream and I would not take that away from him. This surgery is something that I really want, I never do anything for myself. I rarely even shop for myself. This is for me and I can't expect him to understand how horribly I feel about myself at this time in my life. This is the one thing that will help me to look and feel better and I am going to do it!

I truly appreciate everyone's support and advice. I hope that one day I can get on here and tell everyone how my hubby totally understood why I did this and is supportive of my lifestyle changes, that would be so fabulous!

[new_me_2008 1]

Good luck to you and let us know how every thing turns out! I am sure it will be fine.

Do you have someone staying with you down in TJ?

[AudricIan 0]

I am going alone too. I only live about 2 hours from TJ. The one friend that I have told wants to go but I would rather she doesn't come along. I have 4 days to get my surgery, a little recovery time and then I will come home. I am getting my surgery the day I go down so I have 3 1/2 days to relax. Thanks for being so positive, I am really starting to get worried. I can do this! Once I lose 20-30 lbs, i will tell my hubby. If he see results then it will be easier for him to understand why I did this. If I tell him before I do it and the lbs don't just melt away, he may be negative about the band, I don't think I can handle that right now. THANKS EVERYONE...i just wish one person could say they didn't tell there hubby and it worked out just fine, LOL!

[scgirl81 0]

AudricIan - Won't your husband see your incisions at some point prior to you telling him?

[AudricIan 0]

I sure hope not! I will do my best to keep my shirt on and the lights off! LOL. I had a heart to heart with him lastnight. I didn't tell him but it was the first step. I talked to him about how I am feeling lately and how much my weight and appearance is bothering me. I told him that I am going to do something just for me whether it be selfish or not. I was kind of feeling him out. After talking, the last thing he would expect is for me to have this surgery. He was thinking like I may take a mini vacation alone, or start smoking again (haven't smoked in 7 years) He is clueless, the poor guy. I told him I have been talking with other people in my situation (as far as being obese) and I am getting a lot of support from others who understand how I feel about my weight. He just doesn't understand, he thinks I am fine and this is what I look like because i have had 2 kids. My weight just doesn't bother him. To me, this is not about him, it is about me coming our of my shell. I told him how I hate going to the beach or even getting in our pool because as soon as I put on a bathing suit I can't breath, I panic. I can't even enjoy a day at the beach with my family. (We only live 4 miles from the ocean). I am trying. Thanks for all of the support!

[Mischievous1 6]

Mostly out of discouragement, but also due to motivation by wasa bubblebutt

I thought I would log in and say "hello" The scale isn't moving and although my clothes fit better or don't fit and I feel great; the scale has the brakes ON!

I usually eat:

coffee

string cheese

healthy choice chicken Soup (can never finish)

south beach bar (140 cal, 10g protein)

lean cuisine (240 cals max)

1 egg

When I tally everything up, my cals range from 680-1200.....just depends on the day

So I'm back to the gym spicing things up; I was getting bored with my work-out. NowI'm just waiting for things to change....they have to, right?

Less going in than what's expended = weight loss????

I eat SOOOOOO much less than before so I thought I would have lost more?

I was lurking on some other posts and other crazy ates have lost almost double what I have, so I have blamed it on my lower BMI and figured I would hang out in this forum for now :kiss :biggrin1:

More updates to come! You guys keep up the good work!

Have you tallied up your sodium intake? It looks like what you have listed may be on the high side...I too love healthy choice Soup and the frozen meals, but when I eat them I tend to hold onto Water weight......

[Mischievous1 6]

Thanks for the advice. Luckily I work from my home office so I shouldn't have to explain to my co workers, my nanny may wonder what is going on though. I am not too sure I should keep it from my hubby either but I am going to have to. If I did tell him and he was understanding, he would be totally against me going to Mexico to get it done. I did meet with a band surgeon here in Orange County, he was great. Then when they hit me with 20k for the surgery I had to walk away. My hubby would be equally as mad if he knew I took out a 20k loan to cover this! Again thanks for the advice, wish me luck!

Good luck, it will all work out in the end and he will love love love your new healthy physique and improved self esteem and that's what it's all about!! Being healthy, happy and satisfied.

[Mischievous1 6]

My husband is so anti doctor, he would not support my decision. It goes way back to his child hood, his mom tried to cure everything with health food, Vitamins and minerals. My hubby had worms at one point and instead of taking him to the doctor, she spent 2 months changing his diet and giving him minerals, he had to suffer for 2 months! She had her thyroid taken when she was 18 because apparently that is what the doctors did back in the 50's. It has ruined her life and she has brained washed her kids to think doctor's are all body mutilators (sp?). Let's just say this: I had my youngest son last October by c-section. He was 9lbs and 3 weeks early. He had major complications because as they pulled him out he was not able to get all of the Fluid out of his lungs. He spent 2 weeks at a childrens hospital and went into cardiac arrest on day 3. Luckily, he is fine now, no health problems what so ever. His mom had the nerve to tell us that this happened because I didn't eat right and the doctor took him early so he could go on vacation or something. THE NERVE OF HER! This is how my 35 year old husband has been raised. I hate to tell him when I have to get immunizations for the kids because I know he is going to start talking about autism and preservatives in the immunizations. He has come a long way with the doctor thing, he has come to realize that the doctor's saved our son and they are not of body hackers. In his eyes this surgery is not neccessary for me.

I know that I am going to have to tell him, I may tell him the day I come home. I just can't tell him before. We each have separate accounts and one joint account. I will be paying for this myself. I don't know what else to do. He has a race boat and I absoutley hate it when he dumps large sums of money into it without discussing it with me. 3 years ago he crashed his boat, I supported his decision to take out a second on the house to get the boat fixed. That is something that he is passionate about, his boat is his dream and I would not take that away from him. This surgery is something that I really want, I never do anything for myself. I rarely even shop for myself. This is for me and I can't expect him to understand how horribly I feel about myself at this time in my life. This is the one thing that will help me to look and feel better and I am going to do it!

I truly appreciate everyone's support and advice. I hope that one day I can get on here and tell everyone how my hubby totally understood why I did this and is supportive of my lifestyle changes, that would be so fabulous!

LOL...after reading that-I SUPPORT YOUR DECISION!!...LOL

You have a hard road convincing him and I can see how you support his passion no matter how expensive and he needs to learn to support yours...and in the long run your passion will help his...(hint, hint) so you go for it and good luck. If you have ANY questions about Dr. Ortiz or the procedure itself, feel free to send me a personal message.

I'm rooting for you!!!:clap2:

[InTheCityGirl 0]

AudricIan-I completely understand about your husband. I have a similar situation. I finally did fess up to my DH today but have not told him the cost. Ugh. Luckily we have separate finances so he does not know. I am going to avoid the topic to the best of my ability.

I am going to be going to Dr. Ortiz's offices on Monday 12/3 night for surgery on 12/4 and leaving the day of your surgery 12/6.

Send me a PM and we can hook up to support each other. I am going alone as well.

I am excited and scared all at the same time!

I sure hope not! I will do my best to keep my shirt on and the lights off! LOL. I had a heart to heart with him lastnight. I didn't tell him but it was the first step. I talked to him about how I am feeling lately and how much my weight and appearance is bothering me. I told him that I am going to do something just for me whether it be selfish or not. I was kind of feeling him out. After talking, the last thing he would expect is for me to have this surgery. He was thinking like I may take a mini vacation alone, or start smoking again (haven't smoked in 7 years) He is clueless, the poor guy. I told him I have been talking with other people in my situation (as far as being obese) and I am getting a lot of support from others who understand how I feel about my weight. He just doesn't understand, he thinks I am fine and this is what I look like because i have had 2 kids. My weight just doesn't bother him. To me, this is not about him, it is about me coming our of my shell. I told him how I hate going to the beach or even getting in our pool because as soon as I put on a bathing suit I can't breath, I panic. I can't even enjoy a day at the beach with my family. (We only live 4 miles from the ocean). I am trying. Thanks for all of the support!

[AudricIan 0]

LOL...after reading that-I SUPPORT YOUR DECISION!!...LOL

You have a hard road convincing him and I can see how you support his passion no matter how expensive and he needs to learn to support yours...and in the long run your passion will help his...(hint, hint) so you go for it and good luck. If you have ANY questions about Dr. Ortiz or the procedure itself, feel free to send me a personal message.

I'm rooting for you!!!:clap2:

Just when I thought everyone was thinking I was crazy, you reply with this! I am glad to know that you understand. I give so much to my hubby's boat racing passion. When my oldest son was 10 months old he crashed at 90 mph, I thought I was going to lose him that day. Even after that, I still support him. We go to races and boat shows 10 times a year, I pack up the cooler, the kids and make sure we have everything we need and off we go. I am so scared for him when he is in that boat, it is very dangerous, not too mention expensive!

This is the first thing that I have ever done that is just for me, all about how I am going to feel...me, me, me! I also feel that once I am feeling better about myself, he will see that and understand why I did it. I just don't want to tell him and then not lose weight fast enough then he would doubt my decision. Thanks for understanding.

[TracyinKS 7]

audri: YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only you know how to best approach your husband. Just from reading the few posts I have, I would say that you are doing the right thing for you. I think when it does come to a head and you fess up that you will need to point out the support you have given for his passion the boat......... this is your passion... becoming healthy for you, him and your boys.

For the non banded and even more for the non obese... they don't understand what we go through.... and some never get it. My husband used to make fun of me when I would try going back to low carb.. he just didn't get it... (I did all my research without him knowing, I signed up for several seminars but then backed out... until finally I decided... come hell or high Water I was getting it done... I looked into Mexico, denver and other self pay options near me........... then I found out that my insurance DID cover it!................. so I hem hawed back and forth until I finally told him I was "thinking" about it and asked him if he would attend the seminar with me.... suprisingly he said yes......... He went........ he only really wanted to know how it would affect HIM.

I put the money in my flex account for all the deductibles, it was my insurance that I work with daily so I handled all the details of approval, ....... still....... he was worried about how it would affect HIM........ how would HE deal with me not eating the same types of things, how would HE deal with going to buffets, how would HE deal with MY surgery......... still sometimes there are issues.......... he doesn't like to eat alone, but in reality he had to get over it......

When the family has spaghetti, I only have the sauce and a few crackers, when the family eats at the buffet I take my time and only eat a bite of this or that, while the rest waste plate after plate....... when we go out for mexican (like we are tonight) he will have an entire order of fahita's and a basket or two of chips and I will have MAYBE 3 chips and a bowl of tortilla soup............... the moral....... YOU CAN DO THIS and HE CAN GET USED TO IT!

[AudricIan 0]

audri: YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only you know how to best approach your husband. Just from reading the few posts I have, I would say that you are doing the right thing for you. I think when it does come to a head and you fess up that you will need to point out the support you have given for his passion the boat......... this is your passion... becoming healthy for you, him and your boys.

For the non banded and even more for the non obese... they don't understand what we go through.... and some never get it. My husband used to make fun of me when I would try going back to low carb.. he just didn't get it... (I did all my research without him knowing, I signed up for several seminars but then backed out... until finally I decided... come hell or high Water I was getting it done... I looked into Mexico, denver and other self pay options near me........... then I found out that my insurance DID cover it!................. so I hem hawed back and forth until I finally told him I was "thinking" about it and asked him if he would attend the seminar with me.... suprisingly he said yes......... He went........ he only really wanted to know how it would affect HIM.

I put the money in my flex account for all the deductibles, it was my insurance that I work with daily so I handled all the details of approval, ....... still....... he was worried about how it would affect HIM........ how would HE deal with me not eating the same types of things, how would HE deal with going to buffets, how would HE deal with MY surgery......... still sometimes there are issues.......... he doesn't like to eat alone, but in reality he had to get over it......

When the family has spaghetti, I only have the sauce and a few crackers, when the family eats at the buffet I take my time and only eat a bite of this or that, while the rest waste plate after plate....... when we go out for mexican (like we are tonight) he will have an entire order of fahita's and a basket or two of chips and I will have MAYBE 3 chips and a bowl of tortilla soup............... the moral....... YOU CAN DO THIS and HE CAN GET USED TO IT!

I think you hit the nail on the head. He will be worried about how this is going to affect him. He is going to be worried that I won't feel good and then I won't be able to take care of everything around the house. And when will I feel like having sex again (just being honest). We go out to dinner a lot as a family. He likes sit down type restaurants, no fast food. Usually they aren't kid friendly places. He takes FOREVER to eat and I always scarf my food down so I can entertain the kids. Now he is going to have to eat a little faster as I will need a lot more time to chew, chew, chew. That will affect him. Thanks for sharing you and your hubby's story, I imagine a lot of people can relate.

When I do tell him I am going to discuss all of this with him. How it is not about him or his feelings, just like the race boat in my garage is not about me or my feelings. You guys are all great. I feel better today about my decision than I have in a few weeks. That's why we are here, to support eachother. For some of us, this may be our only support group. :think