Ideas for what to tell people?

[QweenNique 44]

I stand by my post and refuse to argue on this forum. however I will revise it to say what everyone wants to hear because if you don't write what everyone wants to hear your a horrible irresponsible person (this is why I only have posted like 20 some times). Everyone is right' date=' keep a secret for the rest of your life. Good idea![/quote']

I didn't find it rude or incentive. And the truth always come to light!

[newat52 1,613]

Newat52, Please point out where I called anyone a name???? My post was so non specific to any one person! It wasn't even directed at anyone person. Also, please explain to me how in the world can I be considered IRRESPONSIBLE for wanting weight loss surgery to be accepted by the public???? You may not agree with me which is fine, I don't care, but to say that I am name calling and irresponsible is just not right.

Your post was directed at those who don't tell the world. You implied that we first complain that WLS is not accepted but on the other hand we are ashamed or embarrassed to have had it. First of all, What makes you think that we are ashamed or embarrassed? You assume it for whatever reason. You don't seem to have a concept that private people are just that. Just because some people don't tell everyone they meet about everything about them does not add up in any way, shape or form to embarrassed or ashamed. It just doesn't.

There have been so many threads regarding this subject, some started as innocently as this one and some come out and just label the thread, why lie? People get tired of being called liars, living a lie, ashamed and embarrassed. Yes, we've been called them all.

Let me just say one more time, that it is not a lie to keep private things private. Be it my income, my sex life, my medical history. I don't share those things. It's nobody's business.

People don't have to like what you write, but calling them embarrassed and ashamed is name calling and Irresponsible.

Oh, and your little dig at the end of your last post shows that you are not open to another point of view.

I stand by my post as well.

[skintowin 21]

Well I am open to all opinions and points of view, that is why my post was written very general and was not supposed to be a them vs. Us comment. If you notice I never gave my story of if I tell people or not and I used the words "we" and "ourselves" my comment was a general comment about surgery, maybe I put it in the wrong conversation but it was on my mind due to all the Chris Christie talk that day.

My last comment, or "dig" as you call it, was out of frustration of being called irresponsible for wanting surgery to be an acceptable form of weight loss just like weight watchers or any other similar program.

[zoey1176 58]

I'm just going to be honest, I have nothing to hide.

[TES 858]

If you want to tell everyone who ask, then do so but stop trying to shame others into doing things the way YOU would.

Exactly. I think we can only speak to what works best for each of us as an individual, and we should respect others' decisions about how much they want to share with others.

[Banned member 320]

I do think people are embarrassed and that's why they don't tell the truth.

People are telling the truth when they say that they are eating smaller portions and watching what they eat! How is that a lie? VSG is only a tool, it doesn't do the work for you and people can easily gain...........maybe not right away but people have been known to gain all of their weight back or lose very little. I personally didn't sign up to be the spokes person for this surgery. Since when did keeping something private=embarrassed? Do you feel comfortable discussing the number of people you've slept with, how much money you make, how much you spend shopping, how much debt, financial/marital issues, sexual abuse, STDs, etc? If you choose not to disclose the answer to these questions, does that mean that you're "embarrassed" or "ashamed"? Privacy is something that should be respected. I highly doubt anyone can claim to be "truthful" 100% of the time.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I'm not arguing with anyone but I did propose (define: to engage in talk or discussion) a question to those who believe that we should be "truthful" and "honest". Would those who feel open about discussing their surgery' date=' also be open to discussing the number of people they've slept with, how much money they make, how much they spend shopping, how much debt, financial/marital issues, sexual abuse, STDs, etc?

It's not about keeping a "secret" for the rest of your life but merely about respecting someones decision to doing whats right for them and if that means taking their surgery to the grave, then fine. Neither decision is more right than the next. A lot of people come to forums like these so that they can share their journey and be open. VSG is not my life and I hardly ever think about but I didn't sign up to be the spokes person for this surgery.[/quote']

Some of the comparisons to list here are pretty unreasonable. For example, income. Openly exposing your income (if it is substantial) is dangerous, it makes you a target for identity theft, and has the potential of causing an immense amount of hassle from money grubbers.

Lets see,

number of sexual partners? IDK, but it's over 20

Income? Well above the national average

Spend shopping? More than I should, less than I can

Debt? I'M DEBT FREEEEE!!!!!

Financial issues? I always like more (but I am appreciative of what I have)

Marital issues? Pretty much revolve around kids.

There you go. All answers are "truthful" or "honest". I believe those terms are interchangeable.

Another "Honest" response might be, "I'm not comfortable sharing right now." Or "I'd rather not say." .

I haven't seen anybody insinuate that anyone needs to divulge anything they are not comfortable with. What I have seen is people saying "don't lie".

[NeverBeTheSameAgain 241]

Its all up to u...personally, I think it will be some ppl u will want to tell and some u dont want to tell. After, I have my surgery, if I feel like tellin it I will and if not I will tell them none of their damn business...just like that. U dont have to answer to anybody, the choice u made was for YOU!!!! U know what u had to deal with being overweight, so u dont owe anybody an explanation. I am not a good liar, because I will forget what I said before and to whom, so by all means do what makes YOU comfortable. good luck honey

[skintowin 21]

I was going to leave this topic but it keeps pulling me back in.

Just for the record, I never insinuated that if you don't tell the world you are embarrased.

I meant WE as a whole should not be ashamed! There are people that DO tell others and are ashamed that we had to go this route, I for one was one of them. But I realized I was more ashamed about being almost 300 lbs!!!

My comment went a completely different way then it was supposed to and i'm sorry for that but I just want us all to not feel bad for the course we choose.

And yes I have seen people write on other boards that they would never tell anyone out of embarrassment.

maybe not all, but lets not act like there its no one out there that feels this way

[skintowin 21]

I also hate when people imply that we are somehow ashamed or embarrassed about surgery because we don't shout it out to the world or tell everyone who ask. I wonder how many people have considered the fact that they themselves might not be open to sharing other parts of their lives. For example: the number of people they've slept with' date=' how much money they make, how much they spend shopping, how much debt, financial/marital issues, etc. You may be open about your surgery but do you feel comfortable sharing other aspects of your life that may be intrusive to your privacy? I am not ashamed of my surgery and it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life but it's not my job to divulge every aspect of my life. I do not owe anyone an explanation and I highly doubt that anyone in life could ever claim to be "truthful" 100% of the time. If you want to tell everyone who ask, then do so but stop trying to shame others into doing things the way YOU would.[/quote']

And to answer your questions

Yes those very close to me know things about me such as the debt I have, my sexual activity, my health issues.

Do I think everyone needs to tell that stuff to everyone, absolutly not, just like I said telling about your WLS is a personal choice, so is all that info

[No game 14,437]

I was going to leave this topic but it keeps pulling me back in.

Just for the record' date=' I never insinuated that if you don't tell the world you are embarrased.

I meant WE as a whole should not be ashamed! There are people that DO tell others and are ashamed that we had to go this route, [/quote']

But see you yourself keep putting it into only two categories.

It's really not that black and white? is it?

I tell some people and I don't tell some people,

What does that make me?

Can't put me into those boxes! I don't "fit"

Oh and on a side note this argument is as old as the hills and it goes this way every time.. Nowhere

[No game 14,437]

Its all up to u...personally' date=' I think it will be some ppl u will want to tell and some u dont want to tell. After, I have my surgery, if I feel like tellin it I will and if not I will tell them none of their damn business...just like that. U dont have to answer to anybody, the choice u made was for YOU!!!! U know what u had to deal with being overweight, so u dont owe anybody an explanation. I am not a good liar, because I will forget what I said before and to whom, so by all means do what makes YOU comfortable. good luck honey[/quote']

Bravo!

[skintowin 21]

But see you yourself keep putting it into only two categories.

It's really not that black and white? is it?

I tell some people and I don't tell some people' date='

What does that make me?

Can't put me into those boxes! I don't "fit"

Oh and on a side note this argument is as old as the hills and it goes this way every time.. Nowhere

[/quote']

I know, I usually don't comment and the one time I do I get this :-)

I believe I just need to stop explaining myself and digging myself deeper. it really wasn't meant to be an argument, just a thought I had. Lesson learned, I'll just continue to be a lurker from now on.

[Banned member 320]

Some of the comparisons to list here are pretty unreasonable. For example, income. Openly exposing your income (if it is substantial) is dangerous, it makes you a target for identity theft, and has the potential of causing an immense amount of hassle from money grubbers.

Lets see,

number of sexual partners? IDK, but it's over 20

Income? Well above the national average

Spend shopping? More than I should, less than I can

Debt? I'M DEBT FREEEEE!!!!!

Financial issues? I always like more (but I am appreciative of what I have)

Marital issues? Pretty much revolve around kids.

There you go. All answers are "truthful" or "honest". I believe those terms are interchangeable.

Another "Honest" response might be, "I'm not comfortable sharing right now." Or "I'd rather not say." .

I haven't seen anybody insinuate that anyone needs to divulge anything they are not comfortable with. What I have seen is people saying "don't lie".

Would you be open to sharing all this info with people who you barely know in person? It's easy to be open and honest on a forum, so it doesn't surprise me that you would be fine with answering these questions because of the anonymity of the internet. Being honest is also saying that you are watching what you eat and eating smaller portions, that's not a lie and it is a totally valid/truthful response also.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

I have told the people I want to tell.. Period. Others I don't tell, don't need to know.. Or I would tell them. If someone asks, which it's 5 months now AND NO ONE HAS, I will tell them.. Whatever I want! PERIOD! And no one here should care if I do or not. I AM NOT ASHAMED, LYING, EMBARASSED OR SOME FREAK . In reality, I do what I want.

Ironically... Is there ever a thread called "why tell the everyone"? Seems like its always questioning the people wanting not to.