Feeling Guilty

[lisalee 0]

I'm not really sure what to think....my weight loss has been praised and supported by friends and co-workers. I have never heard a disparaging word from anyone, nor have I heard anyone say, "You took the easy way out." (BTW I KNOW that's not the truth!) I remind those around me that this process isn't a cakewalk (ha, ha) and is requiring a life change for me, including learning to rethink and react differently.

YET, I spoke with a friend today who had gone online to look up the lap-band and expressed frustration that she wasn't able to get the band done because her BMI was too low. She had gained back 20+ pounds that had been lost while doing Weight Watchers. She was frustrated and even said, "why should I be discriminated against because I don't weigh enough?"

Without going into risk vs. benefit issues, AND cost (she's a nurse like me and knows) I merely responded with support and empathy. The thing is, I remember being at that BMI many years ago and feeling the same way. I used to think, "what am I going to have to do, gain the weight to get it off?" Unfortunately, life took a difficult turn and I packed on the necessary pounds and then some...so here I am!

I have been thinking about this ever since and feel bad. I feel frustrated for her struggles and guilty for having my blessed little band. I only wish everyone around me could have the same fortune that I have had.

Is this some sort of "Fat Girl Recovery Guilt?" :nervous

I'm also worried that those overweight friends I do have may begin to silently or subconciously resent me for my weight loss. I haven't gotten there yet but it worries me. I know, "if they do that they're not really your friends." I hear that but I need to know how to deal with it.

To confuse things even a little more, I have noticed some folks are starting to treat me differently, in a NICE way, than they did before. I'm not sure they are even aware of this.

Sorry for the novel but I'm confused, worried, and obsessed.

[faybie 0]

Dr.'s will do the surgery if you are under BMI, btw, they just make you sign a waiver making sure that you understand the risks.

I have also heard of people using ankle weights. I can guarantee they don't pat you down. One lady that I met only had 30 pounds to lose and was banded.

And Lisa, I know exactly what you mean about people being nicer and maybe not realizing it. Happens to me daily now. I am not really insulted, it just proves to me that there really is weight prejudice out there. Although, I can't remember any time where a "heavy" person got a lesser "hello, good morning, how are you?" from me than my thiner co-workers.

[flabuless 18]

Welcome to LBD lisalee

Congrats on your surgery...Wow, so many changes/adaptions we have to go through on our lapband journey and, no, its not just the food its also how those around us respond to us and we to them...but its a fulfilling journey...and for you its great that you have that peace that you have done the right thing...I look forward to hearing of your progress.

becky

[Jachut 487]

I know how you feel, I feel that way with regard to my DH. He has a smaller weight problem than I had, his BMI is probably 32 or so, but that's enough to get banded in Australia, particularly since he has high blood pressure.

He's got a weight problem not because he overeats, but because he spends an hour and half in the car to get to work, sits at a desk all day and then spends an hour and a half in the car to get home. He has to do all those stupid business lunches and drinks and Australian culture is so "blokey" - men do not refuse to drink and eat salads at a business lunch. He never overdoes it but they're still high calorie meals.

Not to mention the fact that being the accountant he is, we spent the $3,000 to get me banded becuase he knew how much it meant to me but he would never in a million years spend that kind of money on himself when it could be paid off the mortgage. And since he doesnt eat that much anyway, and basically sticks to healthy food, I suspect he'd be a slow slow loser as a bandster.

His problem is more that he needs to get not only more exercise but more incidental activity and he seriously probably needs to do some huge weights work to pack some muscle on to try to lift his metabolism. But he doesnt have the time.

I seriously feel guilty for spending the money and the time I've spent on myself. The hours I spend exercising are indulgent - the house goes uncleaned and errands go undone because I place more value on myself. Which is fine, but my husband doesnt get the same opportunity.

[Marimaru 7]

Regarding your friend, they are starting to band lower and lower bmi patients... I think that in the future it wont be so hard to get the surgery in the future, if you can prove that you've had a struggle with weight loss, and you are afraid of gaining back (or gaining more back, as the case may be.

I'm not ignored as much as I used to be, and people smile at me more. I work with my family, so it's nothing work related, mostly stranger related.

As for the overweight friends... I have one friend in particular who I don't see often in the first place, but I've seen her twice since my surgery, and she doesn't want to talk about it. It's fine with me, but she's about 350 lbs, and has worked at Curves for 4 years and keeps saying that's how she's going to lose weight... I'm afraid she's thinking of her weight problem like it's 15 lbs, not the 100+ that it is... you know? But she doesn't want to hear anything about it, so I don't say anything.

[threebeauties 0]

As far as being treated differently goes

I wonder how much of it IS that some of us are being treated differently (better) and how much of it is our perception. I am guessing its a little of both.

I know that for me, I am always thinking that people are judging or being critical of me. I walk into a room and think people are judging me and making assumptions about me based on my weight.

[marjon9 6]

going[/i] to lose weight... I'm afraid she's thinking of her weight problem like it's 15 lbs, not the 100+ that it is... you know?

I can sort of understand that. My own self image is still much thinner than reality. I'm at about 340 now and that's pretty big. But in my mind's eye I'm about 250. The thing that shocked me is I was dancing at a party with my wife and I saw the video tape. I really could not believe my eyes. I looked like a character from Fantasia, the Hippo in a tutu (except the Hippo was a better dancer). So, it's the lap band for me. Surgery is 1/16.

[lisalee 0]

Thank you all for your support. I do think that part of the reason people treat me differently is because I feel better....and that comes out in my general appearance and personality.

It's interesting to hear that they may lap-band people a little lighter. Faybe, we have the same doctor, I think I got that impression in his seminar. It's amazing what can be done if you have enough money. This was self-pay for me (now I'm broke ) Most of my other healthcare always been through an HMO though...and that's definitely different.

I'll have to work on getting rid of the guilt. I know this was necessary if I want to see 60 and need to remind myself of that! I deserve this