Any caregivers out there?

[bitteroldhag 0]

I'm wondering if anyone else out there is a caregiver for an elderly person. I have been taking care of my 86 year old mother for over 5 years and it's really stressful. I gained about 30 pounds during this time so the 35 pounds I've lost have put me back about where I was before I began taking care of Mother. She has been in the hospital 4 times in the last 6 weeks and in the nursing home for about 2-3 weeks. Even this is stressful since I have to visit often and try to make sure she's happy. She isn't. I don't exercise much because I'm simply pooped. I work and take care of mother and the 7 animals and I poop out. I will be 60 years old next year and I'm tired. I would appreciate hearing from any caregivers out there. Having the band and being a caregiver is quite a lot of responsibility and sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I am upset because I haven't lost any weight in several months. My friend from Ohio, whose husband is about to die, has the same problem. He needs an intestinal transplant but won't do it. We have the suspicion that our caregiving may be interfering with our weight loss and I'd like to hear if anyone else out there has this problem. We are both in our 50s and age makes a difference I guess. But I would appreciate some happy advice. I often recommend the eldercareforum so I think there are some other caregivers out there. I'd like to hear about their weight loss. Thanks.:cry

[anonemouse 1]

I am not a caregiver, but I would not be surprised at all if it is interfering with weight loss. I think any stress can.

[Devana 0]

Holy smokes, Bitter, what a load you're carrying. I think aside from being plain old exhausted, you probably have the emotional stress of seeing your Mother suffering.

My son was very ill, critical on a couple of occasions, during the course of a year and that's when I really went over the edge, weight-wise. Living in the hospital for weeks on end, mainly sitting by his bedside, that stress and physical inactivity resulted in me not only gaining even more weight, but left me so incredibly unfit, I was barely able to make it up my front steps without puffing.

Is she in the nursing home permanently, now? Do you have any other family members around to lighten the load?

[hbjanet 0]

Wow Bitter, we could be sisters!

I also care for my mother. She is 61 and has been in a wheelchair for the last 2 & 1/2 yrs. She is a mess. Her right hip degenerated due to previous trauma and osteo-arthritis, her left knee needs to be replaced, and she does not have full use of her right hand because of an accident when she fell out of her wheelchair!! Sheesh! Getting old sucks!

It is very stressful to care for your parent. The roles get reversed, and now I feel like the parent. She feels like she has no control over her life anymore and is very resentful. And I am resentful too! It is just hard to deal with all around. I could probably use some therepy. :phanvan

I am the youngest child of three, my brother and sister both live in Northern Californa, so I am the lucky one to care for mom. My brother sends money to help out, and that is great, but it would be nice to have a break once in a while.

I work full time, and on my days off I spend my time driving her to her Dr. appts., take her shopping, to the movies, ect. I want my life back! :help:

I gained a good 50 lbs since I started caring for my mother. I was already 40 lbs overweight to start with. I was miserable and could not see any way to change my situation. That was one of the reasons I got my band, to take back some control of my life. It seems to be helping, I am not nearly as angry as I was. I also had a bit of help from Prozac. :xena_banana:

I feel your pain, I live it. I try daily to give as much love and support as I can. It is a struggle, but I love my mom, and she would do the same for me if she could.

Keep your chin up Bitter. Heres a (((hug))) for you, and if you want to talk, I'm here.

[kwhenrykerr 0]

7 years as a caregiver, the last year was 24/7 sleeping in the same room etc. What can I say it was the best and the worst time of my life. The hard times are fading from memory faster than the Good Times.

Has it changed my life? yes Would I do it over? you bet I would

We each must make this decision and live with it.

[Carlene 12]

I think we've talked about this before. My mom had Parkinson's Disease for a number of years before she died. It is very difficult to juggle your own life, your family's needs, and the responsibilities of caring for an aging parent.

My mom was not a happy senior, either. It made everything all that much harder. And she was extremely controlling. If she wanted mashed potatoes for dinner and I said, "Okay, I am going home to fix dinner for my family and I will bring you back mashed potatoes," she wasn't happy with that. She insisted that I cook her potatoes there, at her house, before I went home to feed my husband and kids. (I only lived half a block away.)

We went to a doctor every week. My mom had a PCP, a Neurologist, an Orthopedist, and a GI guy. She really needed a Phychiatrist, too but wouldn't even consider it.

She got addicted to prescription drugs on 3 separate occasions (Vicodin and Xanex, plus others) because it was easier for the doctors to give her pills than to deal with her.

I guess now I'm glad I did it because my mom is dead, but I wasn't very cheerful about it at the time. Then my husband got Cancer and I had to start all over again. God and I are going to have a serious talk about this someday if there aren't some major rewards waiting for me in heaven.

[bitteroldhag 0]

I certainly expect God to do something for me in the future. We have discussed this before, but I was just wondering about the cortisol thing since I haven't lost weight lately and I don't think I'm overeating though I might be stress eating. My mother is in pretty good shape though she has visited the hospital a lot lately. She knows all the workers on the 2nd floor since she goes so often. But I think they may get her straightened out. Carlene -- While your mother was a pain, she didn't live with you. Mine does and I'm the servant--constantly--in my own house--for years now. I guess I just get tired, but a lot of the folks who contribute to this forum seem to be able to worry only about themselves and have help. That must be nice. Having one's own life must be nice. But I guess some of us just have to bite the bullet and expect big things from God.

[bitteroldhag 0]

Holy smokes, Bitter, what a load you're carrying. I think aside from being plain old exhausted, you probably have the emotional stress of seeing your Mother suffering.

My son was very ill, critical on a couple of occasions, during the course of a year and that's when I really went over the edge, weight-wise. Living in the hospital for weeks on end, mainly sitting by his bedside, that stress and physical inactivity resulted in me not only gaining even more weight, but left me so incredibly unfit, I was barely able to make it up my front steps without puffing.

Is she in the nursing home permanently, now? Do you have any other family members around to lighten the load?

I hope your soon is better. I don't stay at the hospital all the time with mother. I'm too antsy and I drive her crazy. I don't have any help since my brother lives in Colorado and mother doesn't really need to be in the nursing home yet since she's generally quite sane. She just can't walk very well and won't do physical therapy so she could walk. I'm pretty physically unfit anyway, but it's nice to hear that stress caused someone else to gain weight. Maybe that is the problem with my band. Thanks.

[bitteroldhag 0]

Wow Bitter, we could be sisters!

I also care for my mother. She is 61 and has been in a wheelchair for the last 2 & 1/2 yrs. She is a mess. Her right hip degenerated due to previous trauma and osteo-arthritis, her left knee needs to be replaced, and she does not have full use of her right hand because of an accident when she fell out of her wheelchair!! Sheesh! Getting old sucks!

It is very stressful to care for your parent. The roles get reversed, and now I feel like the parent. She feels like she has no control over her life anymore and is very resentful. And I am resentful too! It is just hard to deal with all around. I could probably use some therepy. :phanvan

I am the youngest child of three, my brother and sister both live in Northern Californa, so I am the lucky one to care for mom. My brother sends money to help out, and that is great, but it would be nice to have a break once in a while.

I work full time, and on my days off I spend my time driving her to her Dr. appts., take her shopping, to the movies, ect. I want my life back! :help:

I gained a good 50 lbs since I started caring for my mother. I was already 40 lbs overweight to start with. I was miserable and could not see any way to change my situation. That was one of the reasons I got my band, to take back some control of my life. It seems to be helping, I am not nearly as angry as I was. I also had a bit of help from Prozac.

I feel your pain, I live it. I try daily to give as much love and support as I can. It is a struggle, but I love my mom, and she would do the same for me if she could.

Keep your chin up Bitter. Heres a (((hug))) for you, and if you want to talk, I'm here.

I think you are too young to be taking care of your mother like this. At least I'm old. Also, your mother is 2 years older than I am!!! I had the lapband as a reward to myself for taking care of mother for so long. I know she'd take care of me if things were reversed. In fact, she did stay with me when I had heart surgery years ago. She stayed in my room at the hospital and stayed at home with me during the worst part. I remember she and my aunt who died of Alzheimer's at 85 took me for my first outdoor walk around the back yard. They were both in their 70s and I was 45, but I walked like I was 100. In a few weeks though I could really walk. Six months later, Mother had heart surgery and my brother and I went to Illinois for that and he stayed with her since I had to get back to school. But he lived with her and she waited on him. It's not the same. Also he never sends money or anything else. He always says he doesn't have any money though he makes a fortune. Mother has her own money though so that isn't a big problem.

What I'm really interested in is whether this sort of stress causes cortisol to rise and keeps me from losing weight. I lost 35 pounds in about 4 months and then nothing. Maybe I just eat too much. Has anyone had their cortisol tested?

[Carlene 12]

Carlene -- While your mother was a pain, she didn't live with you. Mine does and I'm the servant--constantly--in my own house--for years now. quote]

No, my mom did not live with me. She really wanted me to live with HER - to leave my husband and children to fend for themselves and move into her house and care for her 24/7. I told her I loved her too much to do that, since the end result would not have been what she envisioned. Instead of an indentured servant, she would have had the daughter from hell who eventually smothered her in her sleep.

I guess I'm some kind of weird. After caring for a terminally ill spouse for several years, I had a brief "life" before I remarried and now my mother-in-law, who is 86, lives with me. And don't forget the granddaughter. I don't know how to NOT take care of other people.

[green 6]

Bitter, it strikes me from reading your posts about your life with your mother that you are exhausted and that your emotions concerning your present life and your mother are complicated. This only makes sense; you are between a rock and a hard place and your sib is not pulling his weight, is he? Perhaps some talk therapy might be indicated. You would be able to sort through your feelings, maybe figure out some new approaches to your relationship with your mum, and perhaps learn some distancing or relaxation techniques.... Who knows? It might be worth a shot.

(I mention this because my own family life has been a difficult one. I have been seeing a psychologist for some years now and this has been most useful. It really saved my sanity when my mum and my kid brother suddenly died not so very long ago.)

[maudeispam 2]

I work as a overnight (10 hour) 40-50 hour week Direct Support Professional. (Similiar to a nurse aide/home health aide, but I work with 5 ladies with developmental disabilities). I love the ladies too death, but sometimes the stress of the job can be very demanding. My cortisol levels were tested and all came back normal. Doc said get more exercise and eat the right foods. MY weight is coming off, slower than most, but I do have PCOS as well as diet controlled Diabetes. Both can be pre cursors for slow weight loss. Best of luck to you.

[mousecrazy 2]

The only experience i have with this type of situation was when my mom was hospitalized for the 5 months before her passing. I gained a lot of weight during that time, which I attribute to very bad decisions about wht to eat, when to eat, lack of sleep, and worry (cortisol).

I want to encourage you to love yourself, and do at least something to show yourself that you love you each day. And NOT the stuff your inner brat wants you to do...but maybe 15 minutes of quiet time, if that's what you like...reading a book...put cuticle cream on your nails...a cup of coffee/tea...fill in the blanks with what you like.

Just ONE thing. Prove to yourself that you are taking care of you. Your psyche will get the message.

I say it's worth a try.

[ralheit 0]

My husband is disabled after a stroke at the age of 46. I have been wife, cook, maid, cheauffer, yard care and care giver for 8 years now. Plus I work full time and have grandchildren that I occassionally get left at my home. There are times the stress is almost overwhelming. And I have been having quite a slow down right now in my weight loss as well. Plust with holidays coming, I'm about to lose it. A week away and I still haven't even got my tree up.

I have noticed lately that I'm always in such a hurry that I'm not cooking and grabbing whatever I can then moving on. I know that's not helping and even though I know I really need to get that Water down, I'm a little behind on that as well.

Bitter, you're not alone. But I guess it does help to be able to vent a little and understand that someone else is going through the same thing. Thinking of you. God bless.

[DrewsLou 3]

I can certainly unerstand the demands of 24/7 care. My hubby and I have been married for 4 years now. 3 months after we married, he had an operation that went horribly wrong and for 3 years I was his constant caretaker. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Since then, he has been sick on and off and has had several operations and been hospitalized more times that I can count. As of right now he is doing okay and is mostly independant with things. Part of my difficulty in caring for him I'm sure was brought upon me by myself as I didn't think anyone could care for him the way I could.

Kudos to you for caring for your mom.... there is a special place in heaven for people like you!