female only Shame on me!

[Readytobeskinny 13]

Tink, I fear I will be in your shoes in 6 months. I almost feel like future me wrote the post. I'm hanging in there because I have invested 20 years into this relationship and have three young children together but I really don't know why I think a skinny me will make him any less of an emotionally distant a-hole?? I fear the inevitable is coming...

[Fixerupper 335]

I'm still pre op. Married 11 years. I was 5'7" and 140 when I got married. By year three I was 240 and by year five 270. My husband is pretty neglectful and rarely affectionate. He once tried to blame it on my weight until I reminded him that I spent most of our honeymoon alone IN A BIKINI! I realized then that he had a problem totally unrelated to me. I left him this summer and lost thirty pounds in three months. He begged, I came back and so did the weight. I go back and forth between being angry with him and feeling sorry for him that he is unable to emotionally connect with anyone, its not just me. I'm trying to make it work for kids but somewhere in the back of my mind I know I will probably have to leave for my own health.

[Roxanne Hughes 10]

you know the saying. "fool me once' date=' shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me"

this is a "poor me " rant at 4 months post op. And yes, i am in therapy for these issues. I just need some empathy from others who are facing the same challenges to their self-esteem

Shame on me for marrying a man who didnt love me just as I was- 100 lbs overweight.

Shame on me for thinking the sleeve would miraculously improve my marriage.

Shame on me for thinking that losing 50 lbs would make a difference in those feelings of what I can only describe as distain.

Shame on me for getting all dressed up and then getting disappointed when I get nothing but negativity in return.

Shame on me for needing outside approval, acceptance and self-confidence.

Shame on me for wrapping my self-esteem up in a man who is emotionally unavailable.

Shame on me for marrying a VERY controlling man, when I knew going in that I could never be good enough.

And FINALLY (for now) shame on me for looking outside myself for what I will only find within myself--God's love for me as a child of

His, and a love of myself.

Anyone else in the same boat with a controlling, disapproving, jealous, a*****e of a spouse (or significant other)?

How to deal with the SHAME of never feeling like my best is ever good enough?

Is there a secret that Im missing out on? Please share and be kind [/quote']

Yes...a good man..... deserving of you.

[rizabonita 41]

This is probably easier said than done but I think you are worth it! The only person that needs your love and support is YOU! Why waste your prescious and valuable time on a person that clearly doesn't care for you, your feeling and your overall well-being? There is no excuse to be degraded and mistreated by anyone, especially your husband. I say walk away from him and never look back. This is only a test to prove to yourself that you ARE strong and you DO Deserve BETTER and you can do it with out him. I'm sending you a cyber Hug to show you, that even though I do not know u personally, I'm proud of your accomplishments! You will be happy if you love yourself enough. Make yourself proud now and go for it! Walk away with your head held high!