I can't tell my mom

[Ree 215]

I don't think I'm going to tell anyone about the surgery except my husband. I just don't want to be judged because of my decision. Plus I can't tell my mom, she would literally lose her mind. This is the same person who yelled at the doctor and told him not to take my fallopian tube when it had already ruptured and was killing me from the internal bleeding (ectopic pregnancy). My husband kept trying to tell her that the fallopian tube is no good anymore, it ruptured. So if she found out I was getting a large portion of my stomach removed she would seriously lose her shi t over it. Therefore I can't risk telling other people in fear that it will get back to her.

Is this the right thing to do, to keep this a secret? what has been your experience? and did you tell others about the surgery or keep it to yourself?

Oh and another thing I fear is that if I have a complication from the surgery and she ends up finding out about the surgery she'll be really upset at me for never telling her about the surgery to begin with.

I do feel bad about not telling her because she usually does know whats best for me but when it comes to something like this I doubt she'll understand where I'm coming from. She is very much about everything that is natural and organic and healing the body with food. She comes off as someone who is very anti-surgery.

[makemyownluck 785]

It's definitely your choice on who to tell. If you're not comfortable telling your mom, then don't. I haven't shared with many people because I also don't want to think about any possible negative reactions, but I also couldn't imagine going through this without my mom, either. Luckily, you have a husband who will stand by your side.

Would you ever tell her? Or just not right now?

[No game 14,437]

I didn't tell my mom until after all the pre op stuff was done and I had a surgery date.. She was a little worried but knew there was nothing she could do about it at that point. But my mom lives three hours away and I'm 46 so not much she could do.

Now my mother in law! She lives in town and we did not tell her until I was home from surgery, that's because we knew she would go crazy and stress me out more than I was on my own.

What happened you say??

We told her afterward and she went CRAZY!

And she was mad that we kept it from her, we told her this is why we kept it from her.

She couldn't argue that..

[southernsoul 773]

If it makes you feel better, write your mom an "in-the-very-unlikely-event" letter & tell your hubs where it is. Tell her all the things you'd want her to know & then maybe you'll be more at ease with not telling her before. If something awful should happen, she would at least have that. You have a right to go into surgery with as much calmness and serenity as possible. If she would hinder that, I think you're justified in not telling.

[Vixynne 695]

This is a decision only you can make--and you have to make the choice that will work for you. Not your mom, not your friends or other relatives; you. Make that decision without guilt and without regret. Don't be afraid.

Our mothers and dads and spouses and best friends all want what's best for us, but sometimes they mix love with their fears, which creates a need to control, and that really doesn't belong (imho) in a choice that is about your long-term health and well being. And once you're sleeved, happier and healthier, I'm betting she'll come around. I can't imagine any mom choosing to be angry forever over choosing to love and accept her daughter, even if she makes a choice Mom didn't agree with.

You're still a great daughter and a good person, whether you choose to share your decision or not. Good luck as you move forward!

[Ree 215]

I also can't decide if I should tell my MIL and FIL or not. I know if I do that MIL (mother in law) would come and stay for a few days to help us out (we live a couple hours away from both our families). But my MIL tends to have a big mouth, so I'm worried if I tell her, she will spill the news to someone else and the news will get back to others that I really don't want knowing. I just worry that my husband will have a very hard time taking care of our daughter on his own. Shes 2 years old.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

This is a very tough one. If you are close to your mom, it makes it harder to keep things, I think. I wanted to do RNY 15 years ago, and I let my mom talk me out of it. So, when I decided now to do this, I made up my mind, and I told her, but in a way that she knew I wasn't going to be persuaded otherwise. I'm 50, and she's 70, but a mom is a mom forever, lol. I have adult daughters, I know I would want to know, so I see both sides of the coin. I agree that mom's usually do know best, and they have their kids best interest at heart. Only you know your relationship and situation, but if you think ahead of what the various outcomes and responses might be, you will be able to make your decision based on what you can live with. In my case, I gave my parents solid reasons and statistics for what I was doing, and while they were very worried, they didn't make it harder for me...in fact were and are very supportive though they really didn't want me to do it.

[msnurse2u 3]

I have told probably anyone who will listen that I am having this surgury because im proud of myself for taking this very large step to change me life and to be healthier. People have this preconceived notion that getting a weight loss surgury is "cheating" or the "easy" way out. Well I call that bs we still have to make life changes and stick with it. Be proud you are strong enough to follow through with this because there are many others who can not!!!!

[doreenladner 3]

I also have told everyone who will listen that I planned to have and then had the surgery. I can't imagine going through it without the support of my Mom, sons, siblings and friends. If any of them had any negative thoughts they didn't voice them. My Mom even attended all the presurgery classes with me. Even when she doesn't like my decisions she loves me. Good luck with your decision and your surgery!!!

[buplee 556]

I initially only told my immediate family. I only told my mother after I received all clearances and I had a surgery date. Even then it was two weeks of answering various questions. she is now happy I did. Other than those mentioned nobody else knows. Some people tell everyone, and others like me feel it's no ones business.

[Izuri 428]

It's your body. While of course you love your mom and respect her opinion, you need to do what is best for you. If you think what is best for you is this surgery, and you don't think she will respect that, then I agree completely that you should keep it to yourself. I don't think there is any 'right' or 'wrong' for who to tell and who not to tell.

If you have complications you can cross that bridge when you come to it. The complication rate is very low, and i think if you were to have an issue, even if she yells, hopefully she will realize that the thing that really matters is getting you healthy. At that point there will be nothing she can do to change it anyway, so maybe she will just accept it.

Either way, it's a personal choice and I have heard people over this board time and again debate telling vs not telling, and it seems like as long as the person having surgery is at peace with their choice to tell or not to tell, things seem to still work out fine.

[Gregory Donlin 7]

I also thought about keeping it a secret. I was thinking what would people say about me? Was this something God would approve of? So many questions Pre Op. I decided to tell everybody and be open about it the support I have got from Friends and Family and my church has been awesome. I am not worried about people questioning why I did it I am just happy I did it and I'm a better person for it.