anyone's family waiting for them to fail?

[SqueakyWheel&Ethyl 160]

It's sad.. but it seems like a reaction that people have in case things go wrong.. they can be like "I tried to stop them!". Overall, I try to believe that people like that have good intentions. They tend to also have bad listening skills when it came my turn to talk. I'm not sure why, but I think it has to do with fear.

For myself, I balanced the "What could go wrong & how likely/unlikely it is to happen" versus "What is going to happen to me if I don't get this surgery & continue on like I have been".

Yes! For me, it was strongly recommended by the transplant team of doctors at Baylor (all 7 of them I saw in my last appointment). They told me if I don't get the fat out of my liver quickly, I would be on a fast track to a liver transplant. I have the blessings of all of my doctors and my husband. That was all I needed. A very few close friends know I had a sleeve, and every one of them were fearful and hesitant ("Have you thought this through?" no, duh), but TOTALLY supportive when they found out Baylor suggested it. They want to see me live, too. I might open up more in the future. I hate treating this like its something to be ashamed of. I'm really quite proud of it! I just don't want to listen to the ignorant-laden comments of nay-sayers... Not right now. Let me at least heal first.

[devonmae 56]

I told most of my co-workers/friends. The skinny ones were a little more negative that's why i waited to tell them until i had a date but their negativity truly felt like concern for me and my well being. I've been pretty lucky that i have gotten a lot of positive feedback when we have told people, They have been very proud of me for going through it and are excited for me.

[NurseGrace 509]

Bah, this type of thing is hard, and how to deal with it really depends on how comfortable you are with confrontation. If someone I knew personally were making comments like that to my husband I would probably say something about it to them. Not some kind of ghetto showdown, but something along the lines of "I know you deal with complications every day and I'm sure you have seen some terrible things but when you tell my husband fill in the blank it disturbs me for fill in the blank with your personal reasons and I would prefer you separate me, my husband, and your perception of whatever probables I may or may not have from your work life because what you are saying is troubling to me"

[NurseGrace 509]

But as a side note, I catch the most amount of negativity from fat people. It's been my experience that the people who never had the struggle are the least judgmental but thats just me.

[BethinPA 305]

My sister in law is a nurse on a bariatric/transplant floor. She is also more overweight than i am. She just keeps saying things to my husband about What will happen when i have bad Things happen. I feel like she's waiting for me to have a complication or fail. She keeps getting to say it's because she sees so many complications but i know it's because she is jealous. She's too afraid to go through with it so she's just going to keep being miserable with her life.

I totally disagree with her lack of support for you and your decision! However, as nurses in the hospital setting, we tend to see all of the complications and worst case scenarios, which color our opinions. So, since she is seeing the "sleeves-gone-wrong" type patients, that is what she knows. She doesn't come to a site like this forum and read about all the success stories that we do. I would just try to have a little compassion for her is all....

[makemyownluck 785]

Totally agree with BethinPA - she's a nurse in a bariatric unit, she's seen the ugly side of this. That's to be expected. MOST people go through this with no issues, but some people have problems. Just like MOST people have, for example, gall bladder surgery with no problems, but some people have a complication. It's bound to happen with surgery, but not more so with this surgery over any other surgery.

I work in health insurance as an underwriter, and for a long time I had a negative attitude about WLS because I would see people's medical records who've had surgery. People who regained all their weight and still had or "regained" their comorbidities. But I realized that that doesn't mean that it will be like that FOR ME. Those people made bad choices or maybe weren't as invested in their new lifestyle. Medical records aren't going to tell you how that person thinks or feels or how they really live their life. In her job, your SIL sees people when they are at their worst, but that doesn't mean that's the end of the story for those patients. People are there when they have a problem or when they are in their first few weeks post op and not at their best - they don't make an appointment to say, "Oh yeah, everything has been wonderful and my life is so much better now!" so her viewpoint is biased.

Because I work in a department of other underwriters, and I know most have the same opinion of WLS from a professional/underwriter viewpoint, I just don't want to share my surgery with any of them. ESPECIALLY pre-op - the potential for negative responses alone is enough to keep me quiet on the subject. Maybe after the surgery is over with, I'll be more comfortable sharing my story.

I know that for many of my friends, I've been their "Fat Friend" or their "Fat Accomplice" - the person they turn to when they want to feel better about themselves simply by comparison. Or the person they can go eat something terrible with and I won't judge them or make them feel self-conscious. One friend even asked me "Who am I gonna be fat with now?" It was meant as a joke, but I think there was some truth in it also. It's an adjustment for everyone that's close to you. While your SIL might be overly negative about it, I think she's ultimately trying to be helpful because she's concerned. Tell her you appreciate the concern, but that you're trying to stay positive. I think if you put it that way, it'll let her know she's being negative without you having to specifically say it. No need to start a fight or "put her in her place".

Good luck!

[newlife27 323]

My sister in law is a nurse on a bariatric/transplant floor. She is also more overweight than i am. She just keeps saying things to my husband about What will happen when i have bad Things happen. I feel like she's waiting for me to have a complication or fail. She keeps getting to say it's because she sees so many complications but i know it's because she is jealous. She's too afraid to go through with it so she's just going to keep being miserable with her life.

Don't get discouraged a lot of ppl will do that to you its a shame sometimes its family.....my coworkers told me i was gonna die....straight like that :/ i don't know whether its jealousy or not but what i do kno is THIS IS FOR ME!!!!! I plan on working hard up until surgery and thereafter i will not let anyone get in my way!!!! THIS IS FOR YOU LADY DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE HATERS!!!!

[Sannah 258]

Of course she see's all the complications, since success stories don't generally come back for more care. Bummer that she is acting this way. You rock your sleeve and let your success speak for itself!!!