anyone's family waiting for them to fail?

[devonmae 56]

My sister in law is a nurse on a bariatric/transplant floor. She is also more overweight than i am. She just keeps saying things to my husband about What will happen when i have bad Things happen. I feel like she's waiting for me to have a complication or fail. She keeps getting to say it's because she sees so many complications but i know it's because she is jealous. She's too afraid to go through with it so she's just going to keep being miserable with her life.

[JShaw 22]

That is clearly her insecurities talking. Ignore it. Once she sees your success that will be revenge enough.

[SqueakyWheel&Ethyl 160]

Revenge? How about Inspiration? If your experience has minimal, or no complications, and the weight GRACEFULLY melts off, you will be inspiring her. It sounds like she is under a lot of pressure to be in that department with weight issues of her own. Feel compassion for her. you'd be taking the high road.

I doesn't MATTER if she is critical. That's her issues. You don't have to embrace or internalize any of it. Don't waste energy on this. Focus on YOUR good health, including your good mental health.

[MIJourney 490]

Gosh, hope she's professional & positive with her patients and that attitude doesn't creep out.

[melody2 61]

Her rock. Her backpack. You don't have to carry her rock in your own backpack.....give it back to her. It's amazing how lite our backpack becomes when we give others their rocks back.

[JShaw 22]

Revenge? How about Inspiration? If your experience has minimal' date=' or no complications, and the weight GRACEFULLY melts off, you will be inspiring her. It sounds like she is under a lot of pressure to be in that department with weight issues of her own. Feel compassion for her. you'd be taking the high road.

I doesn't MATTER if she is critical. That's her issues. You don't have to embrace or internalize any of it. Don't waste energy on this. Focus on YOUR good health, including your good mental health.[/quote']

The reason I said revenge is that she is surrounded by inspiration on a daily basis working in a bariatric unit. If she can't gleen an ounce of inspiration from her surroundings then she won't get it from her family.

Maybe I am being pessimistic since I just encountered this with some close friends - all of whom had have some sort of plastic surgery. Yet instead of supporting me they have opted for silence. This kept me from telling really anyone except my immediate family. And I mean immediate. In fact we just told my fil this evening that I had a sleeve done on Tuesday.

[melodymouse 196]

I disagree with the ignore it advice. People behave badly because they are allowed to get away with it and if you don't speak up it will just continue. Trust me! I have a whole family like that. You need to call her on it, in front of a witness. Just do it in the most kind, respectful way you can. Tell her you are not one of her patients. Tell her this was not an easy decision and that you are really working hard. Tell her you could really use her unconditional love and support and not her criticism. If she really cares for you, she will choose to be supportive. If she doesn't, that's when you should start ignoring it. The best tool I have found for my weight loss success was not my sleeve. It was finding enough love for myself to find my own voice. To stand up for myself and stop allowing my abusers to hurt me! You can do it too. You don't have to be hateful about it, but you certainly don't deserve to continue to be hurt or put down. Some people are just so full of themselves they can't see the pain their actions cause others. Give her the benefit of the doubt first. After all, isn't that what you would want for yourself? Best wishes!

[SqueakyWheel&Ethyl 160]

Love the rock/backpack analogy. Thanks!

JShaw, she also deals with transplants and that can be discouraging, too. And, I can relate to familial pessimism. I'm one of six kids and I've only told one of them about the sleeve. The others think I had surgery to help my liver, which is also true. There is a stigma that is present in our culture, and criticism seems easier within a family. When we don't need that negative energy around us while we heal, it's a good idea to not share everything, IMHO. At least, it works for me.

Good luck!

[Healthiernewme 81]

This is your journey. I would just focus on you... you can't control how others feel/act. That's why you have us and this forum:) We'll cheer for you!!

(BTW - love the rock/backpack analogy too)

[sharonintx 1,275]

Don't you just hate it when people act that way?? I do. It takes all the self control I have to not rip them a new one right then and there.

You just keep on with your plans and try real hard not to let her affect you. Easier said than done, yes, but just like with the rock in the backpack - you won't ever change anyone by trying to explain to them how

inconsiderate they are and how bad they make you feel. It's definitely her problem and not yours.

Oh and about you having the final revenge - well - if that's the only satisfaction you can get out of this thing then by all means enjoy it:)

[devonmae 56]

Thanks for all the support. I've been dealing with her negativity since I texted her months ago saying i was having this done. Her response was oh no don't do it. I wasn't Asking her permission i was telling her what i was doing! I am also a nurse and understand what the complications are. The only one i had to discuss if I was having it done with was my husband, I don't need to get permission from anyone. I'm a grown woman who makes her own decisions!

[devonmae 56]

I know it sounds shallow but her wedding is in October and i am going to look hot when I'm there! !!

[Takingcontrol 467]

I'm a nurse too, & know the complications & I'm right here with you! I weighed the pros & cons & it was worth the risk to become healthy & spend more time with my hubby, children & grandchildren! Teach her by example!

[taylokat 180]

I'm a nurse who works in the recovery room and we have post op sleeve patients all the time. When I told my co-workers I was thinking about it, I couldn't believe all the negativity...mostly from the thin nurses who never struggled. Some if the heavier ones, too. So I learned to shut my mouth. I dropped my benefits for the brew year so I can use my husbands benefits. I was sleeved on 4/12 and have lost 20 lbs including my ore op diet.(surgery done at a different hospital). I'm telling them Portion Control and healthy eating... No processed garbage. They don't need to know anything more!

[Andi 78]

It's sad.. but it seems like a reaction that people have in case things go wrong.. they can be like "I tried to stop them!". Overall, I try to believe that people like that have good intentions. They tend to also have bad listening skills when it came my turn to talk. I'm not sure why, but I think it has to do with fear.

For myself, I balanced the "What could go wrong & how likely/unlikely it is to happen" versus "What is going to happen to me if I don't get this surgery & continue on like I have been".