I am Afraid

[SassySenior 111]

We all have fears, before and after surgery. I have some serious fears -- I'm worried about surviving the surgery. All doctors I've talked to have told me I'm a high-risk patient -- one who could have deadly complications.For example, my PCP wanted me to have a chemical stress test. There is, however, a risk that this test can cause a heart attack to occur. The doc's rationale - this test will indicate what might happen during surgery. She says in the cardiology lab, their better equipped to handle it. My reasoning is I want the surgery very badly. So, I don't want to do anything that might cause my surgery to be postponed indefinitely or not occur at all. I figure if I'm going to have another heart attack, I want it to occur during surgery with the finest surgeon in the Southwest, And in a hospital, there's bound to be someone around to help out if I need it. The complications that could happen are also scary.But the bottom line is ... I can no longer stay like I am. My fear of having to live my life as it is now is substantially worse that taking the rare chance of a complications with surgery. I have waiting a very long time to get the surgery, and I am very close to getting a date.I totally trust my surgeon. I did extensive research prior to choosing him. No matter what other surgeons I visited, they would all recommend him because he is the top doc. He's the surgeon other doctors send their problem patients to. I know of several lives saved by him when their initial surgery with another surgeon was a disaster.Speaking of disaster, I somewhat avoid reading the Horror Stories from people who've had serious complications. But I usually pull my head out of the sand long enough to learn what I should know about what could happen.I know of two people here who have had life-threatening complications. One is called "Horror Stories" and the other is written by paigeelaine, if you want to look them up.Those are my fears. What are yours?

[CA712 111]

Sassy, I too had so many fears going into this surgery. As I have stated before it took me 3 years to decide. I have talked to many people who have had this surgery, those who would do it again and those who would not. Like yourself I could no longer go down the road I was going down. I could feel myself losing this battle. I had/still have sleep apnea, high blood pressure, incontinence, bad knees(still do) out of breathe everytime I walked. It was just an effort to get out of bed every morning and get thru the day. I had no quality of life and the kicker was my very last blood test before surgery showed I was diabetic. OMG what would be next?? I even prayed about my decision to have this surgery. One day at home all alone I just stared out my backyard window and cried, how did I get to this point? What made me so fat, why can't I get this weight off by myself? What is wrong with me that Weight Watches did not work? nutrisystem did not work, Jenny Craig did not work. I had spent thousands of dollars trying to get rid of this fat. Weight loss has been an effort for me over the past 15 years. I have a slow thryoid and take synthroid. I became so depressed and my depression meds dosage kept going up on every doctor visit. I was told be so many people to not have this surgery but I hated looking at myself in the mirror everyday. By this rate I will be in a wheelchair in 3 or 4 years so after I was done crying and to the surprise of my family I decided to have the surgery knowing I could die on the table. At the rate I had been going I just saw a short life ahead of me anyway. How can I be good for anyone when I cannot be good for myself. I had the surgery on March 11th and I was so scared and all I did was pray that this was going to work out. My nutrionist told me I would be OK, my surgeon told me of all the could go wrong and that he would do everything possible to make sure there would be no problems and I would be OK. The nurses getting me ready for surgery told me I was in good hands and to relax. One nurse told me she had the same surgery 4 years ago and my doctor did her surgery. She lost 200 pound and has kept it off. I knew then that I needed to make peace with myself and God as I was wheeled into surgery. I prayed for all those having surgery in March and for those who had surgeries earlier in the year for all of us to have successful recoveries. I know you will have to make up your mind about what to do next and it does sound like you have an outstanding surgeon. I still do not like reading about horror stores since I am still only 7 weeks post op but things can happen. I took a chance and thanks to God and a great surgeon I made it thru so far. I pray for those who still have issues and hope that their problems can be corrected over time. Whatever decision you make I will support you.

[SassySenior 111]

No, there's no decision to make. I'm gonna get the sleeve, even if it kills me! LOL. Like you, and God knows how many others, I have no quality of life left. I am bedridden - my choice - to prevent falling and because there is no furniture in my place that I can get up from.

I appreciate your replying! So, thanks! It helps. My fear of dying on the table or from a deadly complication is real. All doctors tell me this. I had to come to grips as to whether I wanted to live the rest of my life like I am now. And the answer is definitely not. Everything is so difficult because I can't do anything.

I am supposed to be getting an electric wheelchair soon, so that will allow me more freedom. But I just don't want the life of an invalid. If I had to live this way for whatever reason, I would accept it and soldier through. But I don't have to live this way. There's is an out. It's called VSG, and I'm gonna take it, come what may.

My biggest consolation is the surgeon I have. He is so well known and highly regarded that many of the other surgeons I saw who didn't want to take me on, referred me to him. One Dr. was over the moon with how wonderful my Dr. is. Seems that doc had studied under my guy, Dr. Provost, when he was a professor at a local Medical School. In fact, my surgeon taught (proctored) many other surgeons in this area how to do this surgery.

So knowing, I have the absolute best surgeon is at least 60-80% of why I'm going through with it. I went through a similar and even scarier time when I had surgery for the first time. It was 1999, and I had ovarian cancer, which has a 25% survival rate. You can only imagine the terror I felt, not knowing whether the cancer would kill me or if I'd even make it through the operation. I had had a heart attack a year earlier and no one knew how I'd do. My doctor thought I was a goner. Didn't think I'd survive the cancer and wasn't sure how I'd do in surgery. But I came through with flying colors.

Health wise, I have always been blessed, no matter what was wrong with me. I've made it out of many dark situations smelling like the orchid that I am.

I have a philosophy: There's no point in worrying or getting all worked up about something that may never happen. I'm sure that by the time of my surgery, I will have turned that philosophy button to green. In fact, I think I'll start now. Why wait?

I'm pretty chill -- not at all a worrier. Heck, after what I've been through there really isn't anything much worse than what I've already survived.

Maybe I'll change my name to SassyChill!

[CA712 111]

Hey Sassy, you have made up your mind to have the surgery and I am so happy for you. Just keep a positive mind and do not listen to any negativity, that is what I had to do too. You sound a lot like me so I really do understand where you are coming from. Has the doctor set a date for your surgery? Once you have a date believe it or not you will feel better. I know I did. I went to my local support group last Thursday and a woman walked in on a walker and sat down beside me. We talked a little since it was my 1st time at support. During our support session the nutrionist called out her name and told everyone that when she first met Mary that she was in a wheelchair and now she is walking with the assistance of a walker. Mary stated that she is walking all over her house room to room and have even ventured out doors to walk about 5 minutes outside and she also stated that in 4 months she will be off the walker that is was her goal. I know she will do it just like you will. You have pushed the GREEN button and you are on your way.

I'm liking the SassyChill.

Take care and keep me posted.

Cheryl

[Chris R 217]

I don't want to be a wet noodle, but I'm with your doctor on this one - your bariatric surgeon is NOT a heart surgeon. If there is a such a strong possibility of having a heart attack, I'd rather it happened in the cardiac unit where they specialize in that than on the table during another surgery. The point of having the sleeve is to prolong your life. Whats the point if your doctor is so concerned that you could die on the table? Considering the risk of that during the test, I don't think the doctor would suggest it if he didn't think that there was at least an equal risk of it during the sleeve surgery. Please think about it!

[SassySenior 111]

Thanks for the advice. I always like to consider all sides of an issue. I didn't disclose everything, so here's some additional info I had an echo and an EKG, which I passed with flying colors. No evidence of any problems. In fact, have not had any problems since my heart attack 15 years ago.

I don't have cardiac clearance yet. I only saw the PA, and he told me it was the other Dr's day off. So I gotta fax a bunch of forms for the cardiologist to fill out and request that he write a letter giving me cardiac clearance. If he thinks more testing is necessary, he will deny clearance.

My other doctor is my PCP, and I dislike her immensely, so I'm not likely to listen to much she has to say. I will be changing doctors as soon as I get my surgery date. Just don't want to slow up the process by changing PCP's now.

Thanks for caring, Mrs. Newlywed or should I say Ms. Noodle? tee hee

So how the heck are you anyway? How are you feeling? How much have you lost? I just gotta know! :wub:

[Chris R 217]

Sounds like you've got it covered with the echo and EKG

I'm doing well. I'm down a total of 103, 43 since surgery. My old 5X and some 6X clothes are hanging on me. Even my underwear is baggy and my bras are loose!

My mother had gotten me a new 5X outfit for Christmas, and I asked her to return it for a smaller size, since I knew I wouldn't be in them for long. She mailed the replacements in a 3X last week. I tried them on - a pair of black knit pants and a long sleeve cotton knit sweater. They actually almost fit! A little more snug than I would like to wear them comfortably, but since my stomach isn't as lumpy, they were presentable! Too bad the weather is now too warm to wear them, and by the time it's cold enough for them again, I will (hopefully) be out of the X's altogether!

Hope things go well for you!

[CA712 111]

Hi ladies, well it is almost 3 months since I have had my surgery and I am down 50 pounds. I started with a BMI of 58.8 and now my BMI is 49.9. I am so happy but the past 3 weeks have been hard to say the least. I am having my first weight loss stall and no matter what I do the scale will not show a loss. I keep myslef motivated by telling myself I could never have lost the 50 pounds without this surgery. This past week I had to have a D&C done so I waited a few days to get on the scale so now I am up 11/2 pounds. I just want to scream. I am so hoping to have at least 75 pounds off of me by 6 months and this is making me crazy. Well ladies hang in there we are all in this together. Talk to me soon. Cheryl

[CA712 111]

Sassy, did I miss something? Has your surgery been scheduled? Cheryl

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Thanks for all the posts girls, so many of the posts could have been written by me. I am the proverbial worry wart but for some reason I am gung ho putting my fears aside, happy as I can be, as my husband and I plan our surgery in November. Two weeks ago my husband (we are both diabetic) was unconscious at 4 am with a blood sugar of 28, and taken by Rescue. A horrible experience, again. Life can only get better and I am soooooo excited!! Love this group. I am 67, he is 66. I am ready to start living!!!!

[minnesotafats 7]

Hi Linda, and welcome! How exciting that you are having surgery and having it together! You won't find yourself like me, having to continue cooking big meals for family when all you want is a few bites and later a few ounces:) I had my surgery in May, I was 62 then and just turned 63 last week. I am so happy I did it and would do it again in a heartbeat! We will look forward to sharing your journey(ies).

Jean

[SassySenior 111]

Hi Linda & hubby from Florida,

I hope you can find your way to our thread called "Boomer Chat Room." If you click on "Group Discussion" from the Baby Boomer's Home Page, it's under a Purple Banner that says "NAVIGATION." Group Discussion is the second item on the list. That's where I am going to post my reply.

I have revamped the site somewhat from it's original design in February. Now, we "chat" on any topic in the Boomer Chat Room. See you there.