To tell or not to tell...

[ChaoticBliss 113]

Hello. I know there are other threads discussing this topic, but of all that I have read, none apply to my specific concerns. I have 5 children, three of whom are teenage girls. I am considering not telling them for multiple reasons. First, I don't plan on telling family or friends such as parents and grandparents. To tell them and not expect them to "accidentally" bring it up in front of family members could put them (and me) in an awkward position. Then, the most important concern, is body image. I know all the rules, I even follow many of them. I have taught them to understand that they eat to fuel their bodies and that the goal is to be healthy, not seek to obtain the media's idea of "perfect". Because of my own struggles with weight, this has always been of foremost importance to me. I worry about the message I will be sending to my impressionable 17, 16, and 14 year old girls. They do not understand the struggle, they are healthy and young and hopefully have many of the tools they will need to live the rest of their lives that way (my goal anyway). I have a different perspective and story. Of course hiding anything from teenagers is another task all together. So my question is, what are your thoughts on not telling teenage daughters?

[MichiganChic 3,262]

That's a tough one. I also have three daughter, late teens through early 20s. It would feel like a bit of a conflict for me to tell my kids and not my parents. We are all close, so in my family, I wouldn't be able to do that. I agree, it is likely to slip and then you have deal with others you are close to having the information, or feeling hurt they were excluded. As far as the message you are sending, I felt fine about that with my girls. They were worried about me, but were/are very supportive. I think kids are intuitive, and they might understand and appreciate your struggle lmore than you know. And yeah, hiding things from kids living in the same house is tough Good luck, however you decide.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I told my teens. I explained to them that this is MY way of getting healthy so that I could better help them STAY healthy. I needed to tell them so that they would understand why I am eating differently, looking at Vitamins, shakes, websites to explain it, etc.

I did tell my father because we are very close, but I was not going to tell my mom until AFTER the surgery. I caved and it went much better than I expected, but I have no qualms about not telling people. It's easy enough to say that I have changed my eating habits and I'm exercising more.

My kids understand that some things are private, but that said, I don't expect them to lie. I am not proud that I got to the point of needing surgery but I am not ashamed that I made the choice before I developed diabetes, high blood pressure, body pain, etc. It's the best choice FOR ME and I could give a rat's ass who might not agree (including several of my dear friends who are very vocally against any weight loss procedure).

It is what it is and if something is to go wrong, I can't feel like I didn't prepare them for what was going on.

[Taradawn15 148]

I know this isn't the same because my girls aren't teens, but I choose not to tell my 9 and 6 year old girls. My 9 year old already is starting to think a lot about her body because of kids at school and on the bus. I really was worried about her thinking she needed to change herself to be what others want her to be and she so impressionable at this age. I also did not tell my family, only my husband knows and I am so thankful now at 6 months out that he is the only one. Of course my children have noticed my weight loss and eating choices, I just continually mention how important it is to me to be healthy so I can be the best mom and role model I can be. I know a lot of people don't agree with not telling but I am happy we keep the info to ourselves. Good luck

[ChaoticBliss 113]

Thank you guys so much for your responses. It really helps to hear others' viewpoints. It makes me think on things I might not have considered and I was having a hard time finding anyone else discussing this. What I truly appreciate is your taking the time for thoughtful posts.