I feel like I'm new again

[clk 3,519]

I really, really, REALLY hate being back in the loss phase.

Oh, today I only have nine pounds back to goal. Tomorrow it will be twelve. The next day six...and I'm so frustrated playing the up and down game on the scale like I did during initial loss.

Those that have experienced regains and recovered, how did you approach it mentally? I know this isn't a "real" regain, whatever the heck that means, because it's pregnancy weight. And no, I'm not in a hurry to see that magic number on the scale again...but I feel frustrated by not really knowing where to start and not feeling like I'm making progress.

Because seriously, I feel less prepared to adjust myself back into the swing of things than I did immediately post op. It's crazy.

I'm not sure where to put my calories. Okay, I know that I should eat as much as I need to both lose weight and feel sane. But how do I know where that is when my scale won't stay still?

Maybe I just need to aim my calories at a set point and weigh weekly.

I hate this, I feel like a newbie again. I probably shouldn't even be posting here anymore.

I'm back on a Protein coffee daily and thank goodness for that coffee. I'm eating Protein first and am amazed by the fluctuation in my restriction. Last night had a dinner of turkey and two salads (one made with chickpeas and one made with lima beans) and I was able to consume more than I expected. It's like I'm back to struggling with what a portion should be because the larger portions during pregnancy skewed my perception. I used to be good at this! I used to be able to just eye my plate and know exactly what would work. Now I've got to break the measuring cups and scale out to know what I've eaten. But then the next day, I'll only be able to eat one very tiny portion of something I expect to be able to eat more of, and it's driving me crazy.

I'm frustrated because here I am, the lady always preaching that we should approach food from a good place (a sane place!) and I'm absolutely losing my mind obsessing over what I'm eating, what I'm not eating and how much I should be eating of those things that I may or may not be eating.

If anything, this is clear proof that falling off track for an extended period of time (not that I was totally off track for nine months, but I wasn't rigid about my diet at all) can make picking things back up more challenging than simply "making good choices."

I'll have to take that into consideration next time I give advice to someone.

In the meantime, does anyone have advice for me?

~Cheri

[Supersweetums 1,164]

OK, you might hate me for saying this, but you just had a baby, give yourself a little slack. It can take up to a year to lose the baby weight (although you really do not have very much to lose). Plus, your hormones are still adjusting, and I am not sure if you are breast-feeding or not, but there is another whole ball of hormones!

Now, I can relate to how you are feeling a little. I recently started a new medication which resulted in a 7lbs weight gain when I have been stable for a year, so change in diet! I had to stop taking the medication and now am stuck wondering if I can get the last of the weight off. I have been very happy where I was, feeling like I was eating a normal diet, eating properly without feeling deprived. Now I keep obsessing over these few pounds and it is just about driving me crazy! It brings up all my fears that I will regain all the weight I lost. I keep thinking if I try this or try that, maybe it will work, maybe going back to pre-op diet. But the truth is, I really do not want to do that. So I have decided to just eat properly the way I always have been watching just a little closer, relax, and see what happens in the next month or so. I have already lost 1 of the 7 pounds, so I am hoping I am on the right track.

You are so full of amazing advice and you still belong here! I think you will find what works for you again! And I know it totally sounds so cliche, but hug your beautiful little baby and remind yourself what you just accomplished...you brought a new little life into this world. Your body worked hard and did what it is meant to do!

[Katie713 423]

Just wondering if you are breastfeeding and most nutritionists would give you a guideline as to how many calories you should be consuming for optimum nutrition for your baby. As I remember it, breastfeeding helps with weight loss anyway. Perhaps giving yourself time to let things work out before obsessing (I know, I know easier said than done) but this is a transition period for you anyway.

[clk 3,519]

I think it's just the hormonal wackiness messing with me. I can't really control or make any of the other upheaval in our lives "right" so of course I want to control the me aspect of my life and the easiest target is getting back to goal. Well, what should be the easiest, anyway!

I was breastfeeding but after two serious rounds of mastitis coupled with UTIs in a three week period (I'm currently on my second round of antibiotics) I decided to rely on my frozen supply (I have a freezer completely full of milk - probably about two months worth) and use formula next. Breastfeeding/pumping does burn about 500 extra calories a day and I had been eating about 1,300-1,500 calories a day while breastfeeding and having no issues with supply or baby's nutrition.

And yeah, my upset over the not breastfeeding thing surely contributes more to this feeling I have that I need to control something (anything!) so it doesn't help my mindset or mood right now. But the mastitis knocks you flat - I have two five year olds and a five week old and do not have the luxury to spend two or three days in bed and a week dragging because of repeated infections. Hopefully this decision makes things a little easier around here.

I think all I need to do is take a deep breath and just relax for a few weeks. I suppose that it's reasonable to expect that I'll lose weight just as slowly as I did on the way to goal weight. It took me six months to shed the last twenty to goal, so taking another three months or so to shed these last nine pounds isn't too bad. And I know, I know, being only nine pounds from my starting weight at five weeks postpartum is a huge accomplishment.

Elisheva is just adorable and sweet and we're enjoying her as much as we can. I think the biggest stress in my life is this insane move and getting into the swing of things in our new home. I'll adjust with time and I see that I'm just not giving myself that time right now. I am thankful for those moments with the baby. I'll be busy unpacking boxes and she'll cry and my first thought is "Oh, I was almost done with this!" but once I'm holding her and feeding her I realize my only breaks and quiet time are when I get to sit and hold or feed her. It's really sweet and it's really a blessing.

It's just hard to go from maintaining (and pretty effortlessly) to the other side again. It's more upsetting than I expected. I need to back off on the scale and I probably need to just take it easy on myself for a while. I'm normally a very busy, structured achiever. I like to just make a goal and accomplish it. Feeling like I'm floundering is foreign to me and kind of distressing to my controlling personality.

I'm going to hook up with a local WLS support group later this month. That might help focus me a bit more and might make me feel better, too.

~Cheri

[coops 1,790]

Cheri my lovely friend...

Please don't take this the wrong way but... C'mon! Give yourself a little slack! You have a beautiful baby, twins, a hubby and a new home... 9lbs is nothing compared to that! You know, in your heart of hearts that it will go when it is ready - and for that to happen you have to be ready. So chuck out the pesky scales for a few weeks, settle into your new home and enjoy these precious moments with your family! They won't come back.

You are always such a voice of reason and some one who I admire for your sheer determination and strength. Take some time out for yourself - and then, with time and more energy you will get rid of those 9lbs, you know you will.

I think the WLS group is a great idea, a place to chat to people in the same boat, that is why I come here... I don't know of a WLS place where I live.

Take care of yourself and you will reap the rewards... hugs x

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Cheri I love reading ur posts. I am totally amazed that u have an amazing bundle of joy right there in ur arms. I am amazed that u gained so little and know that with food eating habits those pesky lbs will come off quickly. Hang in there and be loving to yourself by the way, u are totally awesome and a fantastic role model for me.

[M2G 1,836]

As I read your posts, I just have to say that I think while you are typing you are figuring this all out. The fact that you focused on shedding the weight as something you can claim control over, well that is a huge lightbulb moment. You already know that the weight won't disappear overnight and you are on the right track with knowing what you are eating.

You will eventually get back to that place where you can visualize your plate and know if it is right or wrong without having to break out the scale, but until then, use the scale, and do what feels right for right now.

Coops is right, cut yourself some slack. And enjoy that sweet baby.

[Kalimomof3 613]

Cheri,

I can tell from your post you are stressed. At 5 weeks post partum and having 2 bouts of mastitis and add to that 5yr old twins and a move who wouldn't be ?We are military and I find these moves make me insane in the 2 months before and after just give yourself space and time to breathe and are gonna be just fine.I am telling you this from my own crazy stage of pre PCS right now .You were so good at losing the first time around you will find your groove again of this I am sure:) No worries!