Banded Bulimic

[barbara465 2]

Christa thanks for the explanation. I understand better now. I always thought that purging was for the food. Now I see it is for the feeling or getting rid of the feelings.

I never ate much at any sitting, but I certainly was a grazer. A little of this, a little of that, and before you knew it I was overweight. I've been feeding my "feelings" since childhood. I would sneak food and find myself to this day doing the same thing. There is something comforting about eating something without anyone knowing it.

[piercedqt78 658]

I learned to feed my feelings, because having a very southern mom, we were fed for every emotion. If we were sad she would bake us something to cheer us up. Happy? let's Celebrate with Cookies or a cake. Struggling with homework? Let's take a break and have a snack. I have to watch her like a hawk with my daughter. My DD has some severe medical problems and everytime we go to the doctor or have to have boolwork or medical testing, she wants to bake. It's a vicious cycle, and I am stopping it now. ~Mandy

[christa94 0]

it is tough. there are so many things/issues associated with food. we don't just eat for nurioushment. alcoholics can stay away from booze, they don't NEED it for life. drug addicts can stay away from crack. but, food, you absolutely NEED. and it is hard to not use food for emotional purposes. i am not bulimic anymore, but i have to constantly check myself and my emotions and make sure that i am handling them properly and not somehow turning to a bulimic tendency to cope with issues. i thought the band would make it easier. but, i count calories and weigh myself way too much. at times i become overly focused on weight and the number on the scale or the number that is in the tag of my clothes. when i realize i am being overly focused on it (or someone that knows my history points it out to me) i have to stop and take inventory of what is going on in my life that could be causing me such stress.

[Veggestyle 0]

Teresita--I want to start out by saying that you are such a lovely person. You always write such supportive things for everyone and you are always there to lend an attentive ear and provide encouragment. Thank you.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I totally understand. Honestly, I wasnt going to write anything about what I have been going through recently, but I want other to know, including you, that you are not alone.

I have been banded for just about two weeks now...and going into this I know that I have suffered from bulemia...I have such a difficult time with food, I hate it, I love it...I dont want it to f***in control me anymore! :angry

And now...I am banded and I do feel ready for these changes, but they are all so overwhelming, not including everything else that goes on in life...during the past week now I have PBd a few times...not on purpose in the sense of self inducing it...but I did it to myself by eating too much, too fast and not being able to control myself and my thoughts about food and filling that void! You are not alone!!!

Even though I felt so guilty and worthless and stupid and....after these "episodes" I know that I am worth it to be successful and be happy, I get back on the horse so to speak and I know that I have another chance.

I hope that this helps you a bit...it was difficult to share! THank you!