Scared $hitless

[cerenatee 90]

Ya'll I'm scared. Like real scared. Like don't know what to do, crying scared.

I don't like being fat but I really don't have too many health problems yet. Just high cholesterol, I snore, I get tired easily, and my legs fall asleep a lot. I know other health problems are coming but they're not here just yet. Vanity is definitely a part of why I want this surgery but so is peace of mind. I'm tired of worrying about my health. Today it's high cholesterol but tomorrow it may be cancer. I lost my sister, my mother, and my grandmother to cancer within a 7 year period so cancer is consistently on my mind. My mom and sister were relatively healthy and thin and they still died so I know it's only a matter of time before my bad weight and bad genetics meet up. It's like a ticking time bomb and I'm always looking for it to go off.

But the complications of this surgery, when they happen, are pretty horrible. And I don't think a lot of us make peace with that really. We just assume they're not going to happen to us. At least that's what I was doing. I can only speak for me. Now I'm really thinking about what I could be putting myself though and I just don't know. What if I'm the leak, the abscess, the stricture, the pneumonia, the excessive swelling, the blood clots, the 1001 things that could go wrong. By God's grace people like Iggy are here to tell us their stories, they have overcome, and they're way better but they went through hell and none of them think the surgery was worth the benefit. No one ever says if they're overall health is better but I'm guessing it's not since they're still being treated for the complications.

Then some people don't even get those benefits. They're losing 20 lbs in 3 months, they're still hungry, they don't have a lot of restriction, etc, etc. WTF?!! All that money, time, and pain and you don't get the benefits? I know most people do but some don't and that's another negative I have to weigh. What if I go through all this for nothing? That would be so freaking awful.

But the only alternative is to call off the surgery and try to lose the weight on my own, again, like I've tried 100s of times before. But even that's scary. What if I call off the surgery and I'm still in the same place next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, until I look up and 10 or 20 years have passed, but now my health is awful and I'm 100 lbs heavier and I'm living in regret for what could have been if I had just had the gastric sleeve performed back in May 2013.

It's so much to think about and so much to consider and my fear vs my wants are blocking my prayers. I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense but I just had ot get it out of my head. I'm hoping someone else has been crazy like this, or is currently freaking out themselves, and understands what I'm going through.

Hugs.

[Francgutierrez 12]

It all makes sense, but think about you future. When and where are you having the surgery?

I am having mine on May 10th @ OCC.< /p>

[takingbackcontrol 137]

I am absolutely right there with you. One moment I am fine, looking forward to surgery and changing my life, then the next time I come here and read complication stories or regret stories I wonder what the hell I'm thinking. You put it all very eloquently.

I did the only thing I could do - i researched the heck out of doctors and actually made a switch from where I thought I was going to another group an hour away from home. I felt an urging from God to check them out, went on Saturday to another seminar there, and found comfort in the choice. It's a big group that has literally done thousands of surgeries, including doctors who were pioneers and are nationally ranked. Yes, an hour away from home is a lot more driving, but I have peace that I am doing all that I can to get that complication figure as close to zero as I can. After that, there's really nothing you can do. Pray and make a leap of faith, asking God to bring you through it with him.

[paglahg 9]

I too was nervous before going in with this surgery however I've also been thin b4 with the help of the band. When I lost the weight I got my life back and was able to do things I havn done in years like run not walk, play with my kids, swim etc.. unfortunatey, I devloped herniab and took it out gain most of my weight back but I am glad to have a second chance with the sleeve. Being over 300 pounds is so debilitating to my life. Since surgery 3 weeks ago despite the ups and downs my knees don't hurt and I look forward to what summer will hold with me and my family. I chose the surgery because I want to live a long healthy life. I intend on folowing the program so I can accomplish just that. I am glad I found this forum so I can encourage and be encouraged as well. Put God first and he wil do the rest. Yur fate does not have to be your mom or sisters. Keep pushing(pray until something happens-push)

[tryingTeresa 17]

Cerenatee - I feel exactly like you. I am so scared to have this surgery, but I am also scared NOT to have this surgery. Although I have 160 lbs to lose, I have been so fortunate that I don't (yet) have any other health issues -mild high blood pressure, but no aches & pains or diabetes that you would expect. But I too have tried 100s of times and 100s of times gained back all that was lost, plus more. I don't want to look back a year from now wishing I would have had the surgery in May 2013. It's so scary - emotionally, physically & spiritually. But I am not going to back out. I am just going to pray, follow the plan & exercise. Looks like we will be recuperating at the same time - I wish you all the best!

Teresa

[madeformore 25]

Hi Cerenatee,

Thank you for posting this! I feel the same and you stated everything so well.

I am pre-Op, my date is May 7th. I was in the office today and there was part of me hoping that they would find some reason that I could not go forward with the surgery.

I am very thankful for this site, there is so much information and support, but I have not really found a place to hash out my fears. I admire your courage for posting this. I know I am done with being overweight... obese... and I have done a lot of work to understand why I got here, but feeling confident about those things is very different from feeling confident about having the surgery.

You're right, the risks of complications are small and we try to just tell ourselves that they won't happen to us... but just because we tell ourselves we won't have any complications doesn't mean we won't.

This is a very serious surgery. It has the potential to seriously change our lives for the better, but I'm affraid we are kidding ourselves if we do not consider the possible complications seriously.

I'm scared, too.

Thank you again for posting this!

[mamamareli 144]

I'm scared too. Getting sleeved on may 8th. Trying to be positive but you are right, things can go wrong. I have 2 small children and sometimes I'm scared they will be left motherless. But obesity could do that too. This is tough. Thank you for posting. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Chances are good that we will all come through it just fine. I need to keep focusing on the positive things this surgery can bring to my life.

[Smiley_Girl 27]

OMG!! I know exactally how you feel....My surgery is May 3 and I have even had awful dreams. My son told me I hope your surgeon knows what hes doing because your my only parent....geeez!! My anxiety is through the roof all I think of is the surgery....Im soooooo ready and excited but damn Im scared!! Also I read about preop diets and hospital stays. My Dr is doing my surgery outpatient and I only have to fast after midnight the day of surgery.

[paglahg 9]

I felt the same way

[cerenatee 90]

Thanks for showing up and speaking out everybody. May 2013 is right around the corner and this stuff is real now.

Ya'll, after getting some love from my FB group, I'm in a much better place. I got so wrapped up in my fears that I forget I have done my research. I have selected a great surgeon and a great hospital. I am following all my doctor's pre-surgery orders and I'm going to follow all his post-surgery orders as well. My surgeon is very careful and he's very cautious. He places the staples and then he goes back over them with sutures. He leaves the drain in for 4 days after the surgery in case of excessive bleeding. He checks for leaks after the surgery and the next day. He keeps you in the hospital for 2 days and then in a hotel, which he stays at himself so he's close, for another 2 days. On my return, I have solid medical care in case anythng goes wrong. Yes, the care is 4 hours away but that's ok. I can be admitted to the hospital with no problems and the bariatric surgeon has residency there so I'll see him as much as necessary, if needed. Most importantly, I have a God that loves me. I have a God that has brought me out of hell, that has always shown a light in my despair. I have never been deserted or rejected. I have never felt alone during my darkest moments. If God has been saving me from this world since I was a child, I know He's not going to overlook me because I'm in Tijuana.

That's my truth. That's what's going to allow me to have this surgery and claim the victory I know is mine, even if I have to walk through trials and tribulations to get to that victory.

Now ya'll tell me your truth. What steps have you taking to be ok? How have you ensured that no matter what happens, you've done your part? Because at the end of the day, if we've done our parts, the rest is up to the fundamental goodness and purpose of this universe. Whether you believe in God or not - I use to believe in whatever was keeping the trees alive because the trees didn't work and they didn't move - sometime you just got to let life be life.

[madeformore 25]

Hey mamamareli I have two small kids, too - they are my biggest motivation!

Cerenatee I have to thank you again, you are getting your focus back in the right place.

I have been really scared - for about a week. Yesterday was another moment of making the decision, again, to move forward with the surgery. Last night my daughter was running around the car parked in the driveway, while I was walking and playing with her. I enjoy my time playing with her, but I just kept thinking, I want to run with her! That is the reason I am on this path.

I am confident in my surgical team and hospital. I have to move forward understanding there may be complications - I will pray that everything goes well, but try to have the attitude that I will take things as they come.

I want to RUN with my kids! I was to ride rides at Disneyland with them. I'm not going to continue to allow my weught to prevent me from being the mom I want to be!

I guess this emotional rollercoaster is normal in the days and weeks leading up to surgery. I think it is important that we share that, though, so people know it isn't just smooth sailing up to the day of surgery.

Best wishes and prayers for each of you ladies!

[cerenatee 90]

Madeformore, your name says it all. I'm so happy you're giving yourself a fighting chance. You deserve to run, not only for your kids but for you too. You deserve rides at the amusement park, and better health, and cute clothes from more than 1 store, LOL, and everything else this surgery an bring you.

We rock, we're loved, and we're going to be ok. So there.

[Vixynne 695]

Anyone who intends to go through with this surgery, and tells you they AREN'T at least a little, now and then, scared totally spitless is either flat-out lying or hasn't done their research.

I shift every ten minutes from THRILLED to terrified. I have never taken such a big step before. It's amazing, it's frightening, it's the best chance I have at long term health, and it could be nothing that I expect. Yikes. At least I'm not going through it alone.

[cerenatee 90]

Vixynne, you are so right. I was so scared to go by myself to Mexico but I just spoke to a friend who went by herself and had her surgery yesterday. She's doing awesome. She's being treated very well and everyone is being so nice to her. She said you definitely can't get that level of service in the states. She only had good things to say about the doctor, the hospital, and the hotel. Fears relieved. LOL.

[Janett 87]

Omg! I feel the same way! I am nervous, exited, scared etc etc However we are only getting older! And heavier I am terrified of the complications! However I believe its time we do something for US! We deserve it its been a long journey. Lets think of May 2014! we will have a totally different opinion! This surgery will give us a healthier life and improve our quality of life. Post op sleeve patients always say "its the best thing they've done".