Upset when others eat bad

[LysMyMiss 5]

I still don't eat perfectly and I'm still obese, but I still try to teach my family about healthy eating. I would prob do better if they were all on board too. My mom has type two diabetes and numerous problems because of it. She'll say "I'm allowed to eat.....(amount of whatever food)", yet she never actually eats it. All she eats is cake and fried chicken. My sister goes out to eat constantly. Last night I calculate her calories just for dinner and it was over 1,000 calories... Then she went out for ice cream and today she brought home a bag of donuts. She's avg size, just a lil thick in the tummy. My dad will buy a bag of chips and she eats the whole thing, but I'm always the one blamed because I'm the fat one. Obviously that pisses me off. But it makes me even more angry when I see family eat bad. Why the hell do I get so mad? I can't control what they eat, but I just can't let go. How can I NOT get so angry over this?

[TES 858]

You are probably angry bc you care about them and their health. Unfortunately, they don't have the tool or mind set that we do. I might try making some healthy meals and Snacks (like cutting up a bunch of raw veggies and putting them in the fridge--maybe with a Greek yogurt dip) and remarking how good they taste and asking if they want any. I would also remove myself from situation if possible where you are seeing them snack a lot and that kind of thing.

[johnlatte 1,232]

Hey,

I think you should focus on you. You can't change the behaviors of other, but you can change. That's going to be the most important thing during the recovery process of WLS. People will only change if they really have it in them. I know that it is frustrating, but that is the reality of it. You can lead by example and maybe the family unit will see that you are committed to getting to a more healthy lifestyle and join you. If not, well unfortunately that's something you can't control. Hang in there and stick you your goals, you'll be happier in the long run.

[Jessica H 79]

People at work call me the calorie police. I know it's none of my business, but when they complain about gaining weight... I too, just care about the people around me.

[mark! 449]

Quite honestly, it pisses me off when I see someone trying to tell someone else how to live/eat. I think it's a waste of time and effort in most cases. I can understand if it's your husband/wife/kids/parents/close friend, but co-workers? That's a bit invasive in my opinion. People know what they're doing, and they choose to do it, so be it. Some people just don't care about calories/fat/carbs/etc like we do/have to. Let them be. For the sake of relationships at work and other places, worry about yourselves. It's also very hard to take advice from people who are obese and out of shape. I rarely give nutrition advice. I have a certificate that says legally, I can, however I steer clear of it and focus on giving strength training. Just because we have a mindset, or experience in something doesn't mean we should go around telling others what to do or making them feel guilty about enjoying something.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Growing up, my mom would always make snide remarks about my plate and what I was eating. I think it was a big contributer of why I've been fat all of my life. Unfortunately, no matter how much you care for someone, nobody likes to be told how to live especially when it comes to eating. I'm sure you and the calorie police poster are not telling anybody anything they don't already know. I agree with John, just focus on yourself. That's the only person you are responsible for. (Unless you have kids of course). Good luck!

[Andi 78]

Well if she's getting blamed for food disappearing, that adds a little more dimension to it. When my brother & I lived with our parents we'd get into trouble for the ice cream disappearing every night. Later on, he and I are sharing a house and neither of us are buying ice cream. Meanwhile.. it still seems to be disappearing around my Dad

If someone runs a menu/meal by you and asks for your honest opinion about where things are going wrong, I think that's fine to crunch some numbers & have a conversation with them. For the most part though, people know when they're eating poorly. In order for them to change, they have to want to change. It can be frustrating, especially if they're people that you care about. Best thing to do is to set a good example for them.

[Macy6 356]

I personally shut down and get very angry and hurt when people try to "help" me by telling me what I am eating is bad, and the way I work out is wrong. Its my own problem, if I was ready I would do it, when I am not ready I don't and the last thing I want is someone heckling me. I think it is OK to be concerned, I think it is OK to one time sit your mom, dad, sister down just the two of you and say "I am worried, I want you to be healthy and happy what can I do to support you" but you can't do it forever, you can't get mad a week later when they bring donuts home, or when they load their salad up with 1/2C of dressing. You opened the door and it is then their job to come to you for that help if they choose too.

[TES 858]

I think the best thing that you can do is continue to set a good example--sometimes being healthy is contagious!

[LysMyMiss 5]

I know it turns people off when you point out their faults but it just comes out. Like another poster, my mom also made snide remarks growing up about what I eat and my dad still corners me with questions even if I don't do anything "wrong". I guess I'm psychologically giving payback or something who knows.

For about a week I quit eating and just worked out like crazy. I managed to lose a few lbs but my work outs began turning into crap because I just didn't have enough energy. So, I knew I needed to start eating again, but I felt like an 80 calorie apple is 80 calories more ill have to burn for a 3,500 calorie pound. I began throwing up food. One side of me knew this was wrong (I know all the problems it can cause. I've worked in the medical field for years) but it makes total sense to the other part of me. The problem kept getting worse so I confronted my parents about it. I guess they figure if I admit to it, then it's not really there versus if I turned to skin and bones and they caught me doing it. They don't understand at all and were just thrilled that it made me lose weight. When I quit doing it, I gained those few lbs back immediately so I feel like I need To go back to those bad habits, but at the same time I know it's going to reflect in my workouts. I'm completely torn down the middle.

[Andi 78]

For about a week I quit eating and just worked out like crazy. I managed to lose a few lbs but my work outs began turning into crap because I just didn't have enough energy. So, I knew I needed to start eating again, but I felt like an 80 calorie apple is 80 calories more ill have to burn for a 3,500 calorie pound. I began throwing up food. One side of me knew this was wrong (I know all the problems it can cause. I've worked in the medical field for years) but it makes total sense to the other part of me.

Even though part of you recognized that this wasn't right & the problems that it can cause I'd recommend that maybe you should talk to someone about it. There's some bad potential for a eating disorder. Especially when your family that should have been a support system didn't support you in a healthy way.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Do you take financial advice from broke people?

Until you have proven by example that you know how to maintain a healthy body nobody wants your advice.

It sounds harsh, but really think about it. If an obviously unhealthy person tried giving you dietary advice, would you listen?

The best thing you can do is focus on you. Talk about you. Celebrate your success openly, believe me , they are watching. Before you know it, they'll be asking you for advice. When they do don't shake your finger at them, relate to them. Look for things that they do that was also your problem. Tell them your story and let them connect the dots. You can point out a lot of problems when you point at yourself.