self sabotage

[KDT8402 25]

I'm 7 weeks post op down 33 pounds. I've been very happy with my results and feeling more confident. However, I believe depression is starting to sink in. I suffered from depression before the surgery. I guess i was hoping that it would somehow go away. I know, I know very wishful thinking.

Lately it has been hard to get out of the bed to go to work better yet going to the gym. I feel awful beat myself up then become even more depressed.

Even with a small stomach i haven't over come emotional eating. I ate everything that i knew I shouldn't today. It made me sick but i ate it any way.

I don't regret the surgery. I guess i was going that if i was happy with myself that the depression with magically go away. I don't want to be disappointed in myself because i know that is going to make me more depressed. I just don't understand why I can't control this. I have been my own worse enemy. I want more than anything to be successful with this surgery. I don't want to sabotage myself. I dont understand why i can't stop.

I have appointments scheduled with a psychiatrist and an psychologist/ addiction counselor next month.

I guess I just needed to vent. I don't have anybody to talk to about this. I can't expect anybody to understand something i don't understand myself.

There needs to be a rehab for food addicts, lol.

[Iniysa 157]

Hope you feel better soon! I've lived with my mom's severe depression so even though I work hard not to let it get to me, I do understand.

[No game 14,437]

Hi,

there are many of us here that understand what your going through. I am a food addict and binged until it hurt before surgery and still have to battle this demon today...

I'm glad to hear that you are going to counseling.

There are also over "eaters anonymous" in most cities.

Does your bariatric center have monthly meetings?

[KDT8402 25]

Thank you both for your kind words. Surprisingly my bariatric center doesn't have any type of support groups. I've been trying to find one in my area but cine up short handed. I'm going to ask the counselor when I meet with her If she knows of support groups.

[No game 14,437]

I find that talking to my friends that I've made here really helps when I'm having a hard day.

So know that there are lots of supportive people here also including me

I've been really learning a lot about people's thoughts about why they overeat so many of us have different reasons.

[No game 14,437]

I must sleep now... But I started a thread called "big fat people" and if your bored you can read it and join the conversation (some of it is silly)

I would love to hear your thoughts and struggles then who knows? maybe we can help each other out.

[CharmingTortoise 83]

I'm pre-surgery but I know I'm going to be in the same boat you are after the surgery. I, too, am hoping that maybe my depression will diminish at least a little after the weight loss. I know it's a futile thought, but it keeps me going a bit. I know how you feel about eating stuff, even when you know you shouldn't. Even when you know it's going to hurt you or make you sick. I would suggest seeing if you can move up your appointments with the psychiatrist sooner. They can give you some tools to help you when you just can't shake that feeling that you need to eat.

[Takingcontrol 467]

I too thought my depression would magically disappear after surgery & I could stop my antidepressant....but it didn't happen that way! You automatically have a loss of energy after surgery...that combined with depression can be unbearable! I'm glad your seeing someone...the best thing I did was get back on my med, the fatigue will get better! Good luck!

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

Your hormones also go way out of wack after the surgery due to the weight loss and bodily changes. As some others have said maybe an antidepressant will help. Everyone on this site knows how it feels to eat less than desirable foods and how it can affect us. Hang in there, with continued weight loss I bet you will see the clouds start to part and the sun will start to shine through!!

Best wishes.

[apricot1119 105]

I can relate. I have a diagnosis of major depressive disorder and anxiety. food addiction and binging were a major part of this for me. I have had success with the surgery for weight loss, but will probably always be on medication. After experimenting with many types I have found great success with my current mix of SSRI and anxiety meds. For me it is genetic and environmental. Like is so often said on here the surgery was on our stomach not our brains. Seek help. Don't be ashamed. Know you are not alone!

[KDT8402 25]

Thank all of you for your support abd encouragement!

[aquitenonnymouse 206]

Good on you for scheduling to get some help! I would urge you to ask your hospital to start a support group, or heck, to start one yourself! The one I go to is an hour away, but still worth it (it's once per month)!

[aquitenonnymouse 206]

Another note- I also am feeling like I am self-sabotaging right now. I'm going to start weighing myself everyday again (not the best idea for everyone), so I feel like I have a point EVERY DAY where I think about how I need to be accountable to myself, and that it's worth it to have every day be a 'good day' with food and exercise. I want to succeed. I need to take care of myself.

[melodymouse 196]

Talking to a professional is a great idea! They have all kinds of tools to help you overcome depression! Been there done that! Try to focus on the positive. We are quick to beat ourselves up when we do something wrong but rarely pat ourselves on the back when we do something right. Be kind to yourself! You deserve it!! As for the gym, if you don't feel like going, take a walk around the block. Listen to the birds and other sounds. Literally smell the flowers if you see some. You'll be amazed at how something so simple can make you feel better. Plus, you get to say "I went for a walk!" Hugs to you!!

[No game 14,437]

Another note- I also am feeling like I am self-sabotaging right now. I'm going to start weighing myself everyday again (not the best idea for everyone)' date=' so I feel like I have a point EVERY DAY where I think about how I need to be accountable to myself, and that it's worth it to have every day be a 'good day' with food and exercise. I want to succeed. I need to take care of myself.[/quote']

I am doing the same thing and taking it day by day, minute by minute,

I hope we all can find the strength and support to get us through.

I have found that I have an almost scary desire to eat again its such a strong pull that I feel helpless at times.