OT Stupid past decisions

[nightingale2u 42]

This is totally unrelated to the band but I am hoping for wisdom...

Prior to my current marriage, I was engaged to a poop head. I was totally in love with a man that was unable to love anyone other than himself. He was 19 years older than I and his credit history was a disaster. He was in the process of a divorce and the only way he would be able to keep his (our) home was to get a loan to pay off his ex-wife. Yup... I cosigned... idiot. I finally came to my senses one month prior to our wedding date and left the relationship. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life as I still loved him very much... idiot. I had to start all over again as all of my resources had been consumed by his need to live beyond our means.

So... here I am... 3 years later... married to a wonderful and giving man and I am still co-signed on the ex's loan. The worst part is that I discovered it is also an open line of credit and he continues to borrow up to the max. I can't even get the bank to send me a damn statement even though I am held equally responsible. If he defaults I would be required to foot the bill and yet I have no rights to his property.

I guess I am in hopes that someone will have suggestions of what I might be able to do about this. I am going up to the bank today to raise a fuss about the open credit line and hopefully put a stop to that. I wonder if I would have any legal recourse in this matter. If we had been married... the court would have assigned responsibility to one or the other. AM I stuck????? OY. Sometimes the past can really kick a person in the arse.

My hubby has been very understanding about this but I feel horrible that my past decision causes him worry. *sigh*

Darcy

[donali 57]

Darcy -

I'm afraid you may need legal advice, and you may have to start some sort of legal action to get this under control. It is one thing to co-sign for a loan, but quite another for an open line of credit!!

How scary for you. Please let us know what happens!!

And super congrats for ignoring your heart and listening to your head, and doing what was BEST for you by moving on, even though your heart didn't want to.

**hugs**

[nightingale2u 42]

Thanks Donali,

I grieved for almost a year... but knew it was the best decision for my daughter and ultimately I knew for me as well. He, on the other hand, was dating before I could even get out of the house and in a serious relationship within 2 weeks after our break. I was totally destroyed and had zip faith in my ability to choose a partner.

I emailed him this morning to ask about the status of the loan and once again... he still has yet to refinance. I told him the next contact would be from our lawyer (we don't have one). I guess I would like to know if we even have a leg to stand on prior to spending a small fortune on legal advice. *double sigh*

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this... hoping he would do the right thing for once in his life. Gawd... I can't believe that I didn't have him put me on the deed when I co-signed... guess love is blind!

Thanks for the hugs... for some reason this is all crashing in on me today and I am a basket case.

Darcy

[bushbaby 8]

I think you are really screwed as they say. I know you need a lawyer but I don't think you have any recourse. Some years back my roommate had credit cards with her x boyfriend and when the sh__ his the fan she sued him to try and get him off or her money...she lost eventhough she had all the proof. I hope things have changed or that maybe the law is different with homeloans...I would talk to leagal aid they are free for advise.

Once again I am sorry for you.

[donali 57]

Hi Darcy -

Just checking to see what info's out there -

Dr. Don says:

There's no easy way out of this commitment either. The borrower either has to sell the asset and pay off the loan, or refinance the loan without you as co-signer.

http://origin.bankrate.com/brm/news/DrDon/20040519a1.asp

This place claims to have free advice:

http://freeadvice.com

And even a support forum similar to this!

http://forum.freeadvice.com/search.php?searchid=75045

Good luck!!

[nightingale2u 42]

Thanks Again Guys,

I think that it is as I thought... a problem that can't be resolved even with legal representation. I do not think he wants a legal fight so a letter composed from a lawyer might scare him into getting his new girlfriend (assuming she is as blinded as I was) to cosign on a new loan for him. How sad that a man in his 50's can't even refinance a loan, with horribly high interest rates, in a day and age where banks are practically begging folks to re-finance.

I guess I was hoping the band would get rid of this dead weight as well...lol.

Thanks for the links Donali... doesn't look very promising does it???? Lesson learned... "If it smells like a skunk... it probably is one!"

Darcy

[hagerteresa 3]

I know at most colleges if you take a class you can get free legal representation. Our local college's attorney has helped me out a lot in the past. It seems like there should be some way to get your name off the loan. I also know in our city there is free legal aid help. I would really check out the options and find out what the law says. Best wishes to you, Teresa

[sascijo 0]

My sister is a paralegal , I don't know if she can answer this, but I will ask..

[nightingale2u 42]

Well ladies...it appears I am SOL...not to be confused with LOL.

We called a law firm and explained the situation and the answer was not what I was hoping to hear... but... what I expected to hear. Bummer... looks like I am just going to have to hope he continues to make the payments. My only hope is knowing how much he loves his home and where he lives... he always puts his heart into inanimate objects.

Once again... you guys are awesome and thank you so much for trying to help me out of an unfortunate situation. It looks like this is just one of those piles that sticks on your shoe no matter how many times you wash it.

(((hugs))))

Darcy

[bushbaby 8]

Ohh that's too bad... we could run by and kick him for you!

[nightingale2u 42]

Thanks Rica... but he would probably like that! Now if you were to nab his stash o hash... that might get him where it hurts! Hmmmm... I wonder if the police would like to know where he hides that????? Something to think about!

[New Hope 37]

Darcy, we've all done stuff we regret. You did this for the same reason any of us probably would have... You loved the guy at the time. There has to be something that can be done to nip this in the bud. Have you talked with Lisa? She's a paralegal. Maybe you SHOULD get him busted. Then he couldn't make house notes. Then just before it goes into foreclosure, you could take over pmts., sell it, and end this nightmare. Not sure if that's how it would play out, but maybe! Just a thought!

[New Hope 37]

Be kind to yourself! You're just now getting to the point after surgery that you feel too good to feel so crummy. That part will get better!

[Vera 7]

Darcy

I married in 89, we refinainced on his house in 90. At divorce 96 I received a sum of money, the difference of the appraised value between then and final. It was agreed that I sign a quick claim deed. Later...I realized I was still on the mortgage and tried to get off of it. My lawyer informed me there was nothing I could do. I could not force him to refinaince! I was mad!! She did reasure me that If he falters, is late, etc... anything that jepordizes my credit that I can make a motion to a judge to have my name put back on the deed and take over payments or even sell the property.

My credit report states I'm still on that mortgage. Keep contact with the mortgage/credit company cause it could jepordize your credit if payments are not made. My lawyer insisted that any Judge would see things my way if it was to happen, as a co-signer you should have rights to that property.

Who's his benificeiary???