Pity party...

[JessicaAnn 564]

Ok, this is more of a vent because I'm sure some people on here can relate or sympathize since my husband doesn't really understand. My husband noticed that I've been a bit depressed lately so he said he would watch the kids and gave me his credit card to go clothes shopping since I've been living in the same 4 outfits for almost a year. Any other woman would be ecstatic, but I on the other hand, HATE shopping for myself. I stood in the dressing room with my size 24 capris and 3x tops wondering how the hell I ever let myself get this heavy (tipping the scales at 290 and im only 5'3"!) I cried the whole way home and gave the hubs a horrible attitude as I walked in the door. Now I'm sulking in the living room while he eats dinner with the kids. He says my weight doesn't bother him, but how can it not? He's so handsome, has a great body and could probably land himself something a hell of a lot better looking then me. I know I know, he's a great guy and loves me for me. But what he doesn't like is that I've simply stopped caring. I'm a stay at home mom. A FAT stay at home mom. I rarely get out of my pjs never mind do my hair or makeup. I need this surgery so badly. 3 more months! I just have to make it through 3 more months.

I have an apple body, so it's all in my stomach/arms/face. How do you ladies (or gentlemen) make yourselves feel better? What can I do to help to "care" about myself until I get my surgery and lose this weight? Any specific clothing types that flatter plus size women? I bought some jewelry and makeup and I'm going to try to put the effort in for my husband. And to think when we met, I was the hot college cheerleader!!

Ugh, thanks for listening to my extremely depressing rant!

[No game 14,437]

OMG this story could of been me talking

(except for the hot cheerleader part) 6 or seven months ago!

The first thing I will say is three months will fly by.

I know the dressing room ordeal I've been there plenty of times... Sometimes it would be just when I was sitting in a dressing room with one of my kids and saw myself in a sitting position in front of the full length mirror in my fat woman capris and fat feet stuffed into shoes

I still have a fear of shopping at almost - 60 pounds later.

Ok as for you though dear heart! You are almost there hold on and know it will get better! And don't do the silly food funeral crap! It will only add more you need to lose afterwards.

Love yourself love your kids live your husband and know its going to be very soon that you will feel so much better

[JessicaAnn 564]

OMG this story could of been me talking

(except for the hot cheerleader part) 6 or seven months ago!

The first thing I will say is three months will fly by.

I know the dressing room ordeal I've been there plenty of times... Sometimes it would be just when I was sitting in a dressing room with one of my kids and saw myself in a sitting position in front of the full length mirror in my fat woman capris and fat feet stuffed into shoes

I still have a fear of shopping at almost - 60 pounds later.

Ok as for you though dear heart! You are almost there hold on and know it will get better! And don't do the silly food funeral crap! It will only add more you need to lose afterwards.

Love yourself love your kids live your husband and know its going to be very soon that you will feel so much better

Thanks, I'm definitely not doing the food funeral, I actually just started Atkins shakes for Breakfast and lunch and a regular dinner (low carb). My husband just bought me a George Forman grill so I've been obsessed with grilling chicken and steaks lol.

[No game 14,437]

Thanks' date=' I'm definitely not doing the food funeral, I actually just started Atkins shakes for Breakfast and lunch and a regular dinner (low carb). My husband just bought me a George Forman grill so I've been obsessed with grilling chicken and steaks lol.[/quote']

Good I mean it hang on! Hang on to the fact that It will get better. I almost came to a place of peace in the weeks before knowing that this fat suit was only temporary and help was on the way.

[JessicaAnn 564]

Good I mean it hang on! Hang on to the fact that It will get better. I almost came to a place of peace in the weeks before knowing that this fat suit was only temporary and help was on the way.

I know this time next year ill be a new person, but I hate the person I am now, and I hate how I'm treating my husband because of my lack of self esteem.

[BlessedBeyondMeasure2012 296]

Do you see the man sitting next to me in my profile picture? That catch is my husband, and in case you couldn't tell, he is HOT! I'm in the same boat with you and Laura, I could have said the same thing (again, minus the hot cheerleader). I was at a point that I didn't love me and I didn't know how he could love me either with the way I looked. I would even take my frustrations out on him because I wasn't happy, just like you. BUT he loves me for me, all of me. Every ounce of me no matter how many ounces are there and your husband does too. I know mine could find someone way better looking than me, maybe yours too but what makes me feel better is that he chooses to be with me. He doesn't care what my shell is but everything on the inside is what he cares about and obviously so does your husband. My husband is one of my biggest fans, supporters and encouragers. I bet yours is too. Keep your chin up, find something to smile about (like your hot husband!) and know that this is only temporary. This too shall pass

[No game 14,437]

I know this time next year ill be a new person' date=' but I hate the person I am now, and I hate how I'm treating my husband because of my lack of self esteem.[/quote']

I know this.. I wondered why my husband put up with it sometimes, but you know what? he really did love me no matter what, just like he said.

The only thing he wanted was for me to be happy

And I felt bad because I couldn't give him that because I wasn't happy with myself

I think you should let your husband see what you wrote here. It will be a great place to start a really honest discussion about weight.

I started being really honest with my husband right before surgery by letting him know all my secrets like how much I weighed when I ate (alone) how food made me feel and that I thought of food all the time.

[JessicaAnn 564]

I know this.. I wondered why my husband put up with it sometimes' date=' but you know what? he really did love me no matter what, just like he said.

The only thing he wanted was for me to be happy

And I felt bad because I couldn't give him that because I wasn't happy with myself

I think you should let your husband see what you wrote here. It will be a great place to start a really honest discussion about weight.

I started being really honest with my husband right before surgery by letting him know all my secrets like how much I weighed when I ate (alone) how food made me feel and that I thought of food all the time.

[/quote']

I'd love to show him, but he hasn't known my weight in about 5 years! Even while pregnant I made him turn around so he couldn't see lol. He always asks and gets frustrated when I say no. But I guess I could read this to him and leave out my weight lol

[No game 14,437]

I'd love to show him' date=' but he hasn't known my weight in about 5 years! Even while pregnant I made him turn around so he couldn't see lol. He always asks and gets frustrated when I say no. But I guess I could read this to him and leave out my weight lol[/quote']

OMG when I was giving birth to our son I sent him out of the room so I could tell the anesthesiologist my weight!!

You are me!!!

Tell him...it was the scariest thing I did. But it was also freeing and brought us closer because I trusted him with my ugly truth. That's what helped me feel much more at peace going into the surgery.

He was right there with me and knows my weight everyday now and celebrates my loss with me.

Please just do it ok?

I really think I know what I'm talking about on this one!

[JessicaAnn 564]

OMG when I was giving birth to our son I sent him out of the room so I could tell the anesthesiologist my weight!!

You are me!!!

Tell him...it was the scariest thing I did. But it was also freeing and brought us closer because I trusted him with my ugly truth. That's what helped me feel much more at peace going into the surgery.

He was right there with me and knows my weight everyday now and celebrates my loss with me.

Please just do it ok?

I really think I know what I'm talking about on this one!

I'll try and scrounge up the courage to tell him. I. Just so embarrassed being this heavy and only 23! Having 2 kids in 2 years (and bad pod after each) really screwed my body up! But i know it's my own fault and I have to take control!

[No game 14,437]

I'll try and scrounge up the courage to tell him. I. Just so embarrassed being this heavy and only 23! Having 2 kids in 2 years (and bad pod after each) really screwed my body up! But i know it's my own fault and I have to take control!

Haha... Ok we are not even close to the same age!! But other than that I feel you on everything you are experiencing right now.

After I was honest with him he treated it like a gift and it brought us closer ( we already had a great marriage).

Just start by telling him about your hurt this afternoon and how it affected you when you got home, and then you went in the forum and wrote.....

[JessicaAnn 564]

Haha... Ok we are not even close to the same age!! But other than that I feel you on everything you are experiencing right now.

After I was honest with him he treated it like a gift and it brought us closer ( we already had a great marriage).

Just start by telling him about your hurt this afternoon and how it affected you when you got home' date=' and then you went in the forum and wrote.....

[/quote']

Thanks Laura! I love this site and your always so sweet and helpful!,

[No game 14,437]

Take care

[need2bthin! 235]

I feel as though you are talking about ME!! I feel exactly the same way....I have let myself go and given up on everything! I use to have a great career and traveled all over. Then, I got married decided to settle down, had children and gave up! I became a stay at home mom and decided to focus on my family....and now I'm so ashamed of who I have become I won't go anywhere, not church, social functions, or anywhere i may run into people who use to know me. I won't even go out to dinner with my husband bc I feel like I would be such an embarrassment for him. My husband tells me all the time that I am just as beautiful as the day we met and everyone puts on baby weight. He's offered to go to the gym with me and walk around our neighborhood after he gets home from work....but I'm so ashamed for people to see me I tell myself that I am being overly vain but I honestly don't know what to call it.

[wynk11 120]

Jessica I read your post and had to get out bed to get on my computer to tell you I was in the same place you were 3 months ago. I am 5'7 350 lbs and my hubby is 5'10 190 lbs all muscle!! He works out everyday he transforming into Mr. Universe right in front of my eyes!! We have been married for 14 years and I have always been heavy. In my head I was HOT in my size 26 jeans if not HOTTER than the skinny minnie in her size 2. But than I started to let small things get the best of me and before I knew my self esteem plummeted. I let myself go and stopped getting my hair and nails done. My wardrobe consisted of sweats and old scrub uniforms.But the icing on the cake was when I went to volunteer at my son's school and one of his classmates said my arms looked like Wreck It Ralph!!

I was done!! Stick a fork in me!! I always listen to music to make me feel better so I decided to listen to gospel that day because I knew only the Lord could lift me. And I am a witness that he did!! In one of the lyrics to a song that came on it said "how can you expect someone to love you more than you love yourself?" which made me realize I stopped loving me. I had given up on me and that wasn't fair to me or my husband or my kids because they needed me more now than ever. So I started making plans to loose weight. WLS wasn't an option because my insurance didn't cover it. Then within a week after my decision I got an email stating that our insurance would cover WLS!! I did research, started praying and slowly started letting bad habits fall to the wayside. Now 3 months later and 10 lbs lighter I start my preop diet tomorrow and my true journey begins 4/29/13, I'm not sure what your faith is but I am a believer that a true success story starts from within your soul. Find yourself again and what makes you happy. As a mother and a wife we tend to get lost in the madness and don't know how to get out!! Your hubby loved and still loves you as a person. The kids and the extra pounds are just more of you for him to love. Stay strong! We are sisters in this journey and we can do it!!