Is it realistic to not tell anyone I'm having surgery?

[buplee 556]

I told no one other than my immediate family. I had neurosurgery a few months ago for which I am still in recovery. Anytime I go out to dinner on a social basis, I only order an appetizer for myself or a few for the table. Friends have noticed the weight loss but chalk it up to my eating much lighter as a result of my extensive surgery.

[Deandough74 2]

My husband and I were having the same conversation recently. Everyone it seems is SO nosey. Why people feel that it's their business is crazy. I've had people why I only have 1 daughter, why I don't have another, etc., they ask me about my ethnicity, etc. I would never walk up to other people and talk about the things that some people do! I agree, avoid the nosey people!!! That's my plan! I'll be telling my mom and DH. I also plan on telling my mom to keep her mouth shut too! It's no ones business ours! Good luck to you!

[newat52 1,613]

I have the same wiring as Chris. P. Bacon. (SHOCKED! SHOCKED! that isn't really your name!) I am just a private person and always have been regarding my personal life and I treat others with the same dignity. With that in mind, I have told no one except my husband and one son. Only him because he lives with us.

I don't consider myself as keeping a secret, lying or deception. It's just personal for me.

I think folks should and need to do what is best for them personally. If you are the type of person that is more open and comfortable talking about, that is great. I can imagine lots of people find support in that.

I have always just been very private. We didn't even tell anyone when we went to the hospital when we had our first baby.

Good luck my friend, whatever decision you make, it will be right for you and like other posters have said, this is about you this time.

[buplee 556]

It is good to see that I am not the only person who doesn't feel as if I have to tell everyone about my surgery. It should be my choice and no one else. My brother in law told everyone and some were very supportive. Others watch everything he eats at work meetings and some have made stupid remarks like "should you really have that considering you had bypass surgery".

[lilbearzmom 584]

I am so odd- there are some I feel comfortable telling and some people I don't. My family knows- probably because I don't feel judged by them- they are obligated not to judge me...LOL I have not told any of my classmates- none. I don't know why I'm uncomfortable telling them in particular. Since surgery I nave been adamant that it is no one's business and I won't tell anyone anything other than "watching what I eat and exercising". Lately, though, I have been telling anyone who asks me how I'm doing it- people I hardly know as well as someone I hadn't seen in 2 years. Perhaps now that 4 months have passed I am more comfortable with having had the surgery, because I agree that while it isn't "the easy way out" or a cure for obesity, I do have an advantage that most other people don't.

-Kendra

[Pixie Dust 526]

I too have no intentions of telling anyone. Well, I told my husband, & 2 of my friends from out of state & my one neighbor (who doesn't talk to the other neighbors), in case I need help with my kids. That's it. I don't plan on letting anyone else know. I'm going with the same story as you ~ a hernia surgery! LOL! In fact, when I read your original post, I had to make sure I didn't post that! LOL!

Whatever you decide, good luck to you!

[Vixynne 695]

I don't intend to tell very many people. My children--who are both teens and able to understand the idea of surgery without needing to know a lot of the gory details. I have told my friends from "meatspace" and online, but only those who have gone through either the VSG or the Roux-en-Y procedure. Those friends have been an incredible support system--one of them even attended my first surgeon consultation with me!

My reasons for keeping the surgery to myself are similar to the ones others have mentioned; it's my body and my choice, no one else's. Although I think most of my family would be supportive, there would be a handful who would be panic-stricken for MONTHS, up to and after the surgery, and they'd constantly barrage me with anxious questions, concerns, videos on YouTube about people who grew a second head after WLS...okay, I exaggerate, but not by much! I will be anxious enough--I don't need anyone in my life to feed those particular dragons for me.

Then there's the two or three people who I know would actually look me right in the eye and tell me they disagree with my choice. Now, it's not that I feel I can't take the heat of that discussion; it's that I know that conversation would burn relationship-bridges forever. That's why I won't say anything; I want to try to keep those friendships/family relationships intact, even though my stomach won't be.

**Edited to add:

All of the above being said, I also feel that if anyone comes right out and asks me if I had the surgery, and their reasons for asking are because they or someone in their life are considering having WLS, I would feel fine about sharing. I think it would depend on the asker's motives. Asking me because you want to judge/argue/debate with me = not cool. Asking me because you are benignly (is that a word?) curious and might use the info to make an important decision for yourself = fantastic.

[shuckybucky 107]

I only told my husband and my best friend when I had my lap band. I had to tell more people when I had the revision because it was not planned and we had to accomodate kids, job, and etc. So I ended up having to tell my manager and my mother and another friend. You will find out that this is NOT the easy way out and in time you might be comfortable telling people you had weight loss surgery. The truth is that you will be losing the weight from diet and exercise. As far a not working out until 6 weeks that is not what my surgeon had me do. I was expected to be up walking the day I got home. I was up walking the hospital the entire 5 days I was in post op (mostly my choice because I was paranoid about getting blood clots). I wasn't allowed to lift weight for 4 weeks but I bet you will be exercising right away. It is your journey so do it how you feel comfortable. I even told a few people that I decided to follow a bariatric diet to support my friend having a lap band (my friend was having the lap band so it was partially true and that explained all the Protein Shakes. LOL

[Andi 78]

We had this come up in our group meetings prior to surgery. We were asked in general if there were people that we weren't going to tell, and that was fine if not. However, to keep in mind that people will jump to their own conclusions & to consider that in our decision. He said that some people might assume that you're doing drugs or have a disease. It brought up a scenario from the past for me. When I was young my Dad lost a lot of weight within a short amount of time. The extended family saw him go from a pretty big guy to very skinny, so they assumed & were concerned that he had cancer. They weren't trying to work the rumor mill or be mean about it, it's just a big change to see & not know the explanation. I'm not saying that it's a reason to share, but just something to keep in mind.

I feel no reason to share with the world that I had surgery. I am not ashamed of it. I just feel that it's no one's business but mine & I've been judged enough through my life. My family has been very supportive. Outside of them, everyone else that I've told has been like "no don't do it!". For the most part, I think that they meant well. Even if they had the "you're taking the easy way out" thoughts going, they had the good sense to leave that in their heads.

[Roxanne Hughes 10]

I had it all planned out. I wasn't telling anyone except my husband and my two best friends. I had decided no one else needed to know because it was MY business. When people asked how I was losing the weight I was going to tell them eating better and exercising. When I needed to take a week off of work I was going to say I had to have a hernia repaired.

But realistically' date=' can I get away with that? I mean, most that have had this surgery drop weight crazy-fast. Will anyone truly believe I've lost 40 pounds in 2 months? Considering I won't be able to really exercise until 6 weeks post surgery, and that will be when I drop a BUNCH of weight (I'm thinking positive here...I WILL lose weight!!!) am I going to be the only one believing my lies???

My reason for not telling is simple. When people hear you've had weight loss surgery, right away they think you've taken the easy way out. And I guess in a way, I AM taking the easy way out. BUT, I can't do it on my own. I've tried SO many times and just can't stick with it. I need something more powerful than myself. I don't think that people that don't have a food addiction can possibly understand the relationship I have with food, just as I cannot understand why someone can't just put down a pack of ciggarettes and stop smoking. I don't want people discrediting all of the hard work I'm doing (exercising, eating better, etc) and give ALL of the credit to the surgery. I know that's lame, but I want some of the credit!

But for those of you that have done this...is it realistic to not tell anyone???

I'm not a god liar, so if anyone ASKS me if I had WLS I would tell the truth...I'd rather tell the truth than be caught in a lie. BUT, dang it I don't want people to know I'm having surgery!!![/quote']

I've thought about this too. I've told a few people because they are going to figure it out. I ask my husband if he thought I should tell people and his reply was...Do you want people to know your fat? Two thoughts on that......one...no one we know is blind and two...love is blind.

[cerenatee 90]

I think if you take a week off work and then come back and lose mad weight right afterwards, people are going to know (at leaset people at work will).

But knowing and KNOWING are 2 different things. Just say you've finally got your eating under control and leave it at that. That's 100% the truth. You're just not telling them how you got it under control.

[cerenatee 90]

I've thought about this too. I've told a few people because they are going to figure it out. I ask my husband if he thought I should tell people and his reply was...Do you want people to know your fat? Two thoughts on that......one...no one we know is blind and two...love is blind.

LOL. Men are so cute.

(I am still giggling over this.)