My wagon got a flat tire..

[No game 14,437]

Obsessive thinking!

So I never tried my plain yogurt last night because I'm sick as a dog and watch out I'm a big cry baby when I'm sick... I pouted when my husband went to work in the ER this morning,

Why do they get his care, not me!

Anyway can't eat... BUT IT HAS NOT STOPPED ME FROM THINKING ABOUT FOOD!

I think about all day all night, if I wake up in the middle of the night I think about it, I think about it more than I've ever eaten it (thank god I'd be 1000lbs)

I torture myself thinking about it..

I need to think about why I think about it..

How many years of therapy and its still not figured out.

[OneWritersSoul 353]

Obsessive thinking!

So I never tried my plain yogurt last night because I'm sick as a dog <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> and watch out I'm a big cry baby when I'm sick... I pouted when my husband went to work in the ER this morning' date='

Why do they get his care, not me! <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

Any way can't eat... BUT IT HAS NOT STOPPED ME FROM THINKING ABOUT FOOD!

I think about all day all night, if I wake up in the middle of the night I think about it, I think about it more than I've ever eaten it (thank god I'd be 1000lbs)

I torture myself thinking about it..

I need to think about why I think about it..

How many years of therapy and its still not figured out.[/quote']

I'm sorry you're not feeling well, Laura. That's the worst!

Maybe it's a little personal to be asking, but you can tell me it's none of my business and I won't be offended, but other than taking care of your family, what else do you do on a daily basis?

I only ask because other than my writing and photography, taking care of my family was all I did. And all my husband and children ever really did was EAT! So, even outside of my own thoughts of food prior to being sleeved, I was constantly having to think about/plan meals for my family. Then there were Snacks. And if they had friends over I had to worry about that too.

My situation has changed now as far as not having to plan for three teen boys and a husband but the sleeve has changed my mentality as well. Now I think about it all the time, but it's an obsession of a different sort. I calculate and recalculate my grams of Protein and my calorie count. If it's been a day when I've not managed to keep anything down, I worry about how to accurately track those calories in MFP. And if I know I'm going to have to dine out, the obsession is worse. I look things up online, calculate the calories beforehand and I never ever vary from the game plane.

Redirection (per my psychologist) has helped. It's not perfect though. I've been in therapy for a long time but he's the first one I've seen specifically to address the food addiction/body dysmorphia issues. It's a slow process that often feels like two steps forward and three steps back. But it's been worth the effort. Oh and I have lots of pretty new journals that are full now!

[No game 14,437]

Ha! So this morning I made Breakfast for the kids, my husbands breakfast I make before I go to be because he gets up a 4:30. But today I was up with him anyway because of not feeling well,

So we talked about what he wanted for dinner!

I also make lunches for the kids everyday..

And yes I am the designated house to be after school for all the boys "because I'm the best mom in the world" according to some of them!

I have my coral tanks and also make and plant pottery (hypertufa) for the garden..

But good points my dear I think it's time to branch out more!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I think this is a great idea! I just took up birdwatching... everyone is making fun of me (not in a mean way...) but even though I do lots of other things, I just needed something to get me out of the house and NOT think of food...(I don't eat birds... )I got a new camera and I am photographing them too... It really occupies my time and makes me feel excited. I have been working on making my yard attractive to birds, and working in the yard has been a great activity too.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I guess I DO think about the birds eating! But as long as it's NOT me... then awesome.

[No game 14,437]

I think this is a great idea! I just took up birdwatching... everyone is making fun of me (not in a mean way...) but even though I do lots of other things' date=' I just needed something to get me out of the house and NOT think of food...(I don't eat birds... )I got a new camera and I am photographing them too... It really occupies my time and makes me feel excited. I have been working on making my yard attractive to birds, and working in the yard has been a great activity too.[/quote']

I have a friend that moved here two years ago from England she's crazy about bird watching!

When we ride our bikes in Santa Cruz she's alway whipping out her binoculars lol!

By the way being sick when it's hot sucks...

Now I want to go to the Elkhorn slough.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Santa cruz has great birds! In the hills, by the creeks and lagoons.. and the ocean of course...Grab a guide book for California... many of them have a checklist in the back you can check off when you see the bird. Its fun! I went out yesterday along the American River Parkway (in Sacramento) and saw a bunch of birds, squirrels, jackrabbits and a rattlesnake! It was really cool to see and a great walk too.

[No game 14,437]

Have you ever gone to the Elkhorn slough?

Its by Monterey. We kayak there but there are also walking trails and the bird life is amazing.

Last summer when we were kayaking we also saw a ray of some sort in the slough!! But normally we see otters, sea lions, sometimes jelly fish.. And well tons of stuff

You should take a trip to Monterey and check it out.

[No game 14,437]

I can't stop thinking of this right now, so I will write it down here..

Last summer when we went kayaking on the slough I panicked all the way there, because I had reached my highest weight. I was scared about being able to FIT in the kayak. Those of you that kayak know about that opening you sit in. Well I fit...BUT BARELY! I paddled ok and had lots of fun so I don't always pay attention to how tired I'm getting. When we got back to the dock almost 4 hours later I couldn't get out of my kayak at first. I was so out of shape and fat I could not lift my own body out of that kayak.

I finally pulled myself out and "rolled" onto the dock. I then had to sit there for a few minutes because I did not have the strength to hoist myself up. I always have nightmares about not being able to stand up and walk, and it was happening to me right there at that moment.

In ending, i can tell you I can't wait to go back soon.

[OneWritersSoul 353]

I can't stop thinking of this right now' date=' so I will right it down here..

Last summer when we went kayaking on the slough I panicked all the way there, because I had reached my highest weight. I was scared about being able to FIT in the kayak. Those of you that kayak know about that opening you sit in. Well I fit...BUT BARELY! I paddled ok and had lots of fun so I don't always pay attention to how tired I'm getting. When we got back to the dock almost 4 hours later I couldn't get out of my kayak at first. I was so out of shape and fat I could not lift my own body out of that kayak.

I finally pulled myself out and "rolled" onto the dock. I then had to sit there for a few minutes because I did not have the strength to hoist myself up. I always have nightmares about not being able to stand up and walk, and it was happening to me right there at that moment.

In ending, i can tell you I can't wait to go back soon. <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />[/quote']

First of all, I admire your courage to be so honest. There are many who wouldn't be- not about their weight and not about their fears about not fitting in the kayak. So that is just amazing.

I'm excited for you that you're looking forward to going back instead of worrying about whether you'll fit. That's positive progress! I'm not certain where you are on your journey, but positive progress is always a good thing. I'm happy for you!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Great story... been there in so many ways. I have a good friend in SC, Will try and make the Elkhorn slough next trip! I enjoy rowing, and have always wanted to try kayaking..even priced out kayaks at one point.....We have lots of sloughs here in the Delta, Sounds like so much fun!

[lsereno 2,525]

NSV: Kayak! For me, it was fitting back into the Giant Dipper. Woo-hoo! I've always wanted to go on that airboat tour of the slough.

Lynda

[No game 14,437]

Update. Last night I tried the plain Greek yogurt with a Splenda and blueberries and it was....

Wait for it..... GOOD!

go figure I really didn't think I would like it, that's why I hadn't tried it yet even though I bought it days ago.

Laura, an old dog with a new trick

[TES 858]

Yes, that is well said. Post op is a very pliable situation and not a success or a failure (insert Yoda-ism here, lol). There is never failure until you give up and stop trying. Each meal, each day, each week, each month or even in some cases, each year, is an opportunity to reevaluate. It is a time to pause and take a roll of what is working and what is not working. And then make a small change. As long as you are goal driven, your subconscious mind has no choice but to align circumstances to help move you towards that goal.

Yoda would say, "Do or do not. There is no try." <showing my geekiness>

[No game 14,437]

Who's having a good day?? My day has been awesome! Went to Santa Cruz it's in the 80's there today! Went for a bike ride with a friend and afterwards went to sushi, I had salmon sashimi

while I watched my weirdo vegan friend eat plain veggies

Tell me about a highlight of your day!!