Worrying about leaving my children

[Kristina J. 581]

I know this is a touch off topic, but I thought I would share anyway. I am 5 weeks pre-op and a stay at home mom to two toddler girls. I need to be healthy, especially to keep up with my active kids and be the mother they deserve. But I am not blind to the risk of surgery. I thought about (and posted about) possibly leaving a video for them, but that felt too morbid. I instead was inspired to write out a list of the 25 things I want them to know. I wrote it as though I'll be healthy and successful and around for the long haul, but knowing they'll have my words either way, makes me feel so much stronger. For me, it was a perfect way to have a "just in case" that isn't a good bye! Just thought I would share (including my list) in case any other mothers are struggling the same way!! Here is my list for them:

For my sweet girls:

1. You two are the best thing I have ever done with my life. Not a day passes that I am not taken by the beauty of your spirits.

2. Your dad is one in a million and loves you more than any spouse ever will. Never settle for someone that doesn't value you the way your father does.

3. You will fight. So very much. But you will never have a better friend in life than each other. Fight. But apologize and forgive quickly. You'll need each other your whole lives.

4. Never stop taking chances, but respect your body and your heart. Once broken, they are never the same. Make sure the risk is worth it.

5. Do kind things for strangers. You never know the impact a small act can make in someone's life, or even your own.

6. Listen to my sister. She knows me in a way no one else ever will. If you can't come to me, go to her. She is smart, fair and loves you through my eyes. To her, you do no wrong.

7. Take time out of your life to visit your grandparents. You are blessed to have them all. You only have them for so long. Make the time.

8. Follow your passion and your education. The two are not mutually exclusive. Go to college. It is so much harder to go back, than to follow through.

9. Learn from all your aunts and uncles. They know things your father and I can't teach you. They have such a variety of talents and skills. Take advantage of their experiences.

10. Get dirty. You are girls, not porcelain dolls. God made dirt, and not just for the boys.

11. Read a little bit everyday. Open your hearts to the worlds that can only exist on paper.

12. Keep faith in God. Life is too precious not to be a gift from a higher power. Be thankful. Be spiritual.

13. You can always come home. Always.

14. Dance as adults like you dance as toddlers. Be silly and let it all out. It's exercise for your body and your soul.

15. Take pictures with the people you love. You won't look back on a picture with a lost loved one and care about your appearance. You'll be glad you didn't care when someone pulled out that camera.

16. Don't diet. Live healthy every day and nourish your body. Eat to live, don't live to eat. Write about your feelings, don't eat them.

17. You will both make mistakes, some big, some huge. Own up to your missteps. We will fix them. Nothing you could do could ever keep us from loving you.

18. Never settle for someone who doesn't ignite your soul. Life is boring, love never should be.

19. Value your belongings. Take care of your things and they will last. Pick up after yourselves. No one likes living in someone else's mess.

20. Be honest, but be kind. A little diplomacy goes a long way.

21. Play cards. But just like in life, be humble when you win and gracious when you lose. Luck is fickle, you'll be on the other side soon enough.

22. Stay independent. You are both spitfires who have always insisted on doing things your way. Spitfires can change the world.

23. Learn to change a tire. AAA is a blessing, until there's no cell service. Never be so delicate that you can't take care of yourself.

24. Keep your cousins close. They're the closest thing you'll ever have to more siblings.

25. But most of all, never doubt that you were made with pieces of my own heart. I was in love with you long before I met you, and I will love you beyond the limits of time. You will always be my babies, even when I'm rocking yours.

[Molly3 495]

You made me tear up! I started one for my daughter as well but, I get so emotional.

Thanks for sharing, Kristina!

[notime 340]

Great! You will be fine. How wonderful to have the list to remind you of what you want them to know as you and they go through life. Writing it out may help you focus on those points as you raise them in the future. Too often we forget longer term goals and focus on the here and now.

[Kristina J. 581]

Thank you both! I am glad to have the list. I'm am sure everything will go exactly as planned, but I feel better knowing they would have my words to them just in case.

[tattwins 1]

Made me tear up also. I am 5 days before surgery and having all same thoughts. Wish u luck!

[tab 7]

Thanks for sharing. I'm doing one as well. I have 2 little boys that mean the world to me.

[LeahBsMommy 3]

I am beyond "teared up". I am bawling like a baby! I think this is a common feeling, or at least I hope it is. I feel the same worry

[Kristina J. 581]

Thank you all for such sweet encouraging words! This site has been such a huge help in my journey and I am thankful for every one of you! I'm glad I could share something personal that other moms can relate to.

[danelle235 79]

Aww!! I'm totally crying too!! Sometimes I feel kind of selfish for making the choice to risk having surgery, 'just in case' something happens. I have two little girls, and I want to see them grow up and have kids one day too! My BMI is 30, so sometimes I'm on the fence about the decision, but now the date is set and I'm going for it, and just gonna pray hard and make them a list too!

[Dreamingofhealth 223]

Thanks... Now I'm sobbing like a baby!

I was wanting to do something like this for my children. And I like the idea of writing a letter as if you are still here.

Great post!!

Sheena :-)

[courtneyjoy 6]

Crying too! That is so incredibly sweet! I too am a few weeks out from surgery and have a toddler at home. Just think how much greater we will be as moms!