I am obsessed

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I remember when i started getting serious about this whole sleeve thing, I became obsessed with it. I read every forum, tried to read every study, every whisper of info about my surgeon - EVERYTHING. It was on mind mind pretty much constantly. In the end, I made peace with finding the "just right" surgeon for me and was able to put it all in his hands - i was still scared as crap, but I was no longer questioning what size bougie should be used or how he should oversew the incision line.

I had kinda forgotten that but now that I am zeroing in on plastics, my obsession is renewed...lol

I am completely committed, I understand what needs to happen and how to be successful but it is like every surgeon has some little variation on their recommendation and I belabor it as though I am the one going to be performing the surgery myself. Since I haven't gone to medical school or done a residency, I am thinking I really should leave the technical decisions to the surgeons - it worked pretty well for me with the sleeve. For the love of heaven, what i am doing to myself?

I have had people tell me that it means I am not ready. I don't think that is really true - I think it is part of my mental illness process that i need to go through to be ready. Over the last 2 months I have cycled through so many different things - worried about this or that. I think I have settled on the ultimate things to be worried about and am focusing on rational fears now...lol. Right now, I know I have picked a GREAT surgeon who has been doing it forever and who has great results. I am worried about how much freaking money it is going to cost and I don't like needing 3 surgeries. Those are rational things for a patient to think about - I have moved away from obsessing on their surgical approach. I haven't made the final committment to her and so I am checking out a few last minute options due to those concerns but i know that even staying with her, I have made a good choice from the "A" list.

I am also super excited. I dream of the day I can wear sleeveless dresses. I dream of the day I have boobs again (lost em over the last 10-20#). Can you imagine being able to do pushups and not being afraid to look down at tummy and thighs...lol? How about wearing dresses without needing pantyhose to keep the knees from being wrinkled?

My surgery will be staged over multiple ones so I don;t get all that at once, but I see the ultimate goal. Not perfection, but a normal body where my hard work and level of fitness will be more visible - at least to me.

Over the last several months my level of "focus' on my body image and dismorphia has improved ALOT. I feel pretty normal in clothes most of the time. I no longer feel hugely fat, I think I see myself correctly which is that I look like I have body fat where I don't because loose skin looks pretty fat. I feel happy with being at my goal weight and with my level of fitness - that has improved alot. I have hope that someday the plastics will just be a distant memory too and I won't be thinking about my body so much.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

What you call obsessed I call paying attention to detail. It's a huge important step you're about to undertake. Being prepared mentally, as well as emotionally, is critical.

I read something recently that talked about our brains are nothing more than goal seeking machines. Once we pick a goal, our subconscious does everything it can to focus in on every aspect that will make it possible to achieve. It's just a matter of picking a goal, and by picking I mean really committing...which you clearly have done. I wish you the best. It's my next step as well...but I'm just not ready yet. Maybe in 6 months.

[danyelleb 386]

I agree with BTB about paying attention to detail. Plastics is a big freaking deal- major surgery. Personally I would be a bit concerned if someone didn't do thorough research before paying thousands of dollars and subjecting themselves to an optional surgery. Good for u for making an educated decision. I'm excited for u and I enjoy reading ur posts. My thoughts are with u. I can't wait to hear the after stories. Thank u for sharing the entire experience with us!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I really want to get a face lift and perhaps a TT. I'm not rushing but I am considering it at the moment. I will be shopping around soon so I am finding myself thinking about it more often. Pretty soon I too will be obsessing over it too.

[ebonisekim 1,713]

I really want to get a face lift and perhaps a TT. I'm not rushing but I am considering it at the moment. I will be shopping around soon so I am finding myself thinking about it more often. Pretty soon I too will be obsessing over it too.

I've started doing this already and I'm only 19weeks out ..but I realize if I stay on it ..it will happen

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I had a face lift. My face is numb and it's been 2 years. I like the way my face looks, but I'm very disappointed that the numbness has never gone away. It's a very weird feeling.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I had a face lift. My face is numb and it's been 2 years. I like the way my face looks, but I'm very disappointed that the numbness has never gone away. It's a very weird feeling.

Daisy! I am so sorry to hear this... I remember when you had it done, and you would think that would be better by now... you had it done in Mexico if I remember... is there a way to talk to the Doc and find out what he has to say? In your research, is this a common problem? Tried acupuncture or other things yet?

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I had a face lift. My face is numb and it's been 2 years. I like the way my face looks' date=' but I'm very disappointed that the numbness has never gone away. It's a very weird feeling.[/quote']

That sounds scarey would u do it again? Is it painful?

[NtvTxn 1,262]

I am obsessive, but to me it is all more of a game that I'm playing and winning. I don't know how to explain it. Before surgery, I thought about food a lot, and I still do, but it is different. I feel like I am staying on top of it all, I'm in control.