am I being naive? ?

[PhoenixTheDiva 112]

I was wondering why a lot of people want to keep there surgery a secret? I'm just starting my journey and am still in the testing phase. I thought about telling everyone and their grandmother about my surgery but, I see people wanting to keep it secret. I was hoping some of you could share with me why because I want to make an informed decision and maybe I haven't considered the down side of it.Looking to be Enlightened. Thanks

[reneetrom 31]

Its a very personal choice. There is no wrong way to approach it. I, personally, only told a handful of people. The reason I didn't tell people, is because I did not want to listen to their attempts to talk me out of it. My mind had been made it and honestly, I wasnt going to try and convince anyone why I felt this was the best thing for me.

Family and friends will have their opinions, mine certainly did. Some were supportive, some told me I was "taking the easy way out". I just didnt feel like listen to anyone tell me ALL the reasons why surgery was the wrong way, when I clearly knew it was the best for me.

Thats my choice. That was my reason. The people who know about my surgery, have been incredibly supportive. Maybe down the road I will tell more people, but honestly, I dont feel the need.

You do whatever you feel is best for you. There is no wrong way. Good luck to you

[BigFatLoser 331]

I told everyone I loved and trusted to support me. The reason I didn't tell everyone else is because I am well aware that some people view WLS as the "easy way out". We all know that it is not. But as the other poster said....it's a very personal choice made because of very personal issues. And I don't have it in me to possibly have to justify my decision to people or debate with them the truths about its difficulty. I'd rather not add that potential stress into an already trying time.

[WorkItOutWoman 185]

I think for a lot of people it's a fear of judgement. A reason for me is that I don't want to hear the story about the neighbors cousin twice removed who had the surgery and three days later they died. There are the stories of how someone's sisters mothers cousin lost 800 lbs and then regained 900. Also there is the famous "it's just a question of willpower" stories. It's tiresome and I can avoid them by not telling everyone my private business.

[reneetrom 31]

Well said. I didnt feel like I needed to "justify" my reasoning to anyone.....

[musiclover 61]

This is an interesting one for me.. by nature I am a very open and honest person and I have decided to keep my decision to have surgery a secret.. gotta say it's killing me though! I want to share with my friends and my band how I'm feeling but my husband doesn't want me to, and I'm also very nervous that everyone will judge me and think I'm taking the 'easy' way when in fact I've tried and failed so many times it hurts. I nearly caved last night as I've had to tell my band I'm getting surgery for gastric reflux to explain the change in our gig diary.. they kept asking me questions about it and I had to seriously BS!! I just wanted to tell them the truth. I'm hoping that as the weight comes off (assuming it does) I will be able to maybe tell them then and that they won't judge me just be happy for me as the results will be there before them.

[luckysmomma 407]

I told everyone I was preparing for the surgery at some point for nearly a year. For the most part, friends & family were supportive. Many were worried for me ....about complications down the road & the amount of years that are shaved off your life expectancy by having wls. But, I told them I was having it anyway at some point.

Within a week or so of my surgery, I became very ashamed and embarassed by my decision. I decided to tell no one. I told my co-workers and neighbors I was having a female procedure, so I wouldn't be bombarded with questions on why I wasn't at work. As far as family and friends, I told them I changed my mind abut the surgery & they never knew I was even in the hospital. I never stopped going to WW. So, as far as my weight loss, everybody thinks I am losing it for the millionith time with WW and exercise.

Everybody is different. Do what you think is best for you & your journey. Don't let any negativity here on this site or in your life keep you from doing what is best for you. Best of luck to you!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

There are as many answers to this question as there are people on this forum. I told everybody. And I have no regrets. There was no way I could have kept it to myself. Everyday (even now, 11 months post op) people's first question is "how did you do it?" Like there is some secret bean I bought at the health food store. It's everyone's favorite question. Total strangers ask it as soon as they figure out I've lost weight. A friggin car salesman asked me the other day after taking my license so I could do a test drive. He just said "my you've lost a pound or 2...how did you do it?" They are going to ask this question alot. I wasn't prepared to sidestep it, so I answer that I had gastric surgery and now I eat right and exercise everyday. I need to get business cards made saying this cause I'm tired of repeating it.

I'm lucky that I've surrounded myself with the kind of people that none of my friends or family have given me the least amount of grief over it. I expected to hear some ignorant remarks from my coworkers but I haven't heard a word. Now what they say behind my back I don't know or care. I think this is one area where men have it better than women. Men do not try to talk each other out of these kinds of things....generally speaking. Or maybe it's just that I carry myself like a person that sends out a message that I'm going to do what I'm going to do, and I don't give a flip what anyone thinks about it.

Either way, I totally get why people don't tell. But I don't think my life would have been any easier if I had kept it a secret. I'd still be getting the weight loss questions daily, plus I'd have the stress of always giving an answer to that question that I'm not entirely comfortable giving.

But....to each his own...or her own. We all must do what we must. In the end it's about your life, your health, your sense of happiness....and nothing else.

[annabelle 76]

I started this journey with no one knowing only my dr & I, the reason I needed head space this is to save my life not for vanity so before I told anyone I had to be strong & Not allow negativity into my decision, once I was strong I only told my family & very close friends there was a bit of negativity but now they can see this is for me its not the easy way out, the best of luck but you have to do what is for you xx

[PhoenixTheDiva 112]

Thank you everyone. A lot of your answers made me realize how blessed I am to have support everywhere I turn. I will definitely do what is right for me. I wish everyone health and success on this wonderful journey of a new life and beginning. Good luck and stay fabulous ; )

[donewithdieting 44]

The only people that know are my hubby of 30 years and my NP at the clinic. I work in health care and know of the gossip and not so kind attitudes. So when I started losing weight and some one would ask I would just say "I'm eating less and moving more---and I hope the weight stays off this time." People are satisfied with that and no more questions, because I had gained and lost the same 30# 3x the year before. AND it really is the true answer. No need to add the surgery detail because it is only a tool not a wand of magic. Good Luck with what you choose to do/say.

[E-girl 98]

I told everyone at work and my friends. I had some regrets from time to time because of some of the negative comments but now I can see it was the best thing for me, telling people. People at work know, so I don't have to explain why I am eating like a bird. My family, friends, and co-worker have all been very supportive (99% of them, the 1% can go to (fill in the blank)). After having my surgery, 6 people I know are going through or have gone through the surgery. You will always run into a small groups of people who will be totally against it but just remember, this isn't about them...this is about you and your health.

[Momonanomo 534]

I based my decision to tell only a select few by reviewing my history. My previous weight loss efforts had been more successful when it was less public. Of course I've never kept the weight off for more than a year but that's besides the point

The big picture thing for me is that I don't want having had WLS to be my identity to the people in my world. I've told only those who really need to know, or who I know will be supportive. I will never lie if someone asks, but I'm not announcing it.

[pattylo 36]

i cant agree more

[eerica30 12]

I was wondering why a lot of people want to keep there surgery a secret? I'm just starting my journey and am still in the testing phase. I thought about telling everyone and their grandmother about my surgery but' date=' I see people wanting to keep it secret. I was hoping some of you could share with me why because I want to make an informed decision and maybe I haven't considered the down side of it.Looking to be Enlightened. Thanks[/quote']

The reason I only told my best friend, mother and sister, is because some people are so quick to judge and think you're taking the easy way out. And it definitely is not. Every time I think I'm going to tell someone else, they say something to make me not. I was going to tell one of my friends yesterday. But I asked her how one of the moms were doing at my sons school who already had the sleeve and she said,"I don't respect her for taking the way way out. Of course I went on to say how it wasn't the easy way and so on. So needless to say, it wasn't the right time to tell her. As for telling My co workers, I don't feel like being watched like a hawk and asked every second," is the all your going to eat?" I feel like I'm going to work hard and people will not give me the credit. All they will think of is, she had WLS. They don't realize you will still have to work at the weight loss. I wish I could feel comfortable enough to tell everyone. You might feel different with the friends and family you have.