Did your husband support your decision?

[rollargirl 210]

My surgery is two weeks away' date=' but so far my hubby has been incredibly understanding. It helps that he is fit and muscular, so the idea that I might be joining him in fitness probably appeals greatly. But he has said to me, more than once, that he hopes I don't change, and that I don't leave him, and not to focus so much on my appearance because it is what's inside that matters. He tries to say these things lightly, but I know they indicate his vulnerability. And in a lot of cases it is true that wls changes a person; perhaps they become more confident, more self-assured, more outspoken and less likely to "sit there and take it". When you start investing in yourself, doing something just for you, other folks in your life might feel that you are being selfish. I say try to reassure him as much as you can, but stress how important this is to you, and how much you need HIM. His love. His support. His understanding. His patience. Try to make your husband your partner and ally, instead of an outsider helplessly watching you change. Now, if that doesn't work, and he is just determined to be bitter and unhappy, then I say let him be! Staying fat just to appease him is not any way to live your life.[/quote']

I REALY wish we were going at the same time!! You are awesome ???? and yes a guy shouldn't get all worried you'll leave him - he should step up and treat a woman like a princess so you have no reason to!

[musiclover 61]

Well you are all very lucky I suppose this is all due to the last time I lost a lot of weight and the amazing change in attitude from men I'd known a long time and suddenly his cuddly funny wife was actually being hit on by men we had known for years it was quite strange. Being a singer I get attention but not usually that kind although it does happen but when I lost all my weight 7 years ago it really did put a strain on our marriage due to his insecurities we have been happier since my regain but that's not fair on me. I love him but I can't stay this size any longer for one thing my knees hurt every day and I hate the way I look. This is getting harder to do though as I really need him to support me.

[gmanbat 5,889]

My newly slim wife and I went to Busch Gardens and attended a Sha - Na - Na concert there. It was packed so we got separated in our seating. She sat next to an ex- cop from New Jersey who promptly hit on her. I sat next to a little Georgia peach who put the moves on me. Both of the hitters knew we were married and didn't care. We had quite a laugh about it later.

The world is full of swamp rats that are devoid of morals. We can't hide ourselves behind fat globule shields because other people have no class. Don't let the ethically challenged dictate your actions.

If you love each other strengthen your relationship every chance you get with all the creativity that is within you. Tie those chords of reassurance tight so jealousy gets laughed down when it rears its green head.

[capeciw 18]

The practice I used for my surgery has a weight loss support group for spouses. My husband was supportive about the surgery, but the week before it he bugged out a little bit. He said of course he was worried about the actual act of surgery (we have 3 children) but was also worried if I'd be happy, would change our relationship, would I still be able to enjoy going out to dinner, etc. I was kind of shocked and blind sides even though he was "nice" about it. He went to the support group and came back feeling better. Said after he thought about it, it was a good decision for my health and that is what he really wanted for me. I'm 3+ weeks post and he has been on board.

I think it is really natural for spouses to feel a little threatened--- change is hard for people (don't we know it!!). We just have to stay focuses an remember at the end of the day-- we are the ones who have to take control of our health.

[Dia 0]

I finally got the courage to start this process and I am beyond excited ; however it seems as if my husband is pretending to care. I believe that he is insecure and feels that if I drop all this weight that I won't want him anymore. He is acting out , example : on the day I began my 3 months prep last week at doctors office, he made my special day about him and how some skinny young girl was hitting on him so much that he had to leave the waiting room and interrupt my testing! I want this surgery more than anything, but he is making it difficult, I just feel alone in this but I will not let his behavior change my goal !

[musiclover 61]

Thanks for all your comments, all good advice. I do need to bring him along with me on this new journey but he's closed down to it and I'm almost wary of bringing up the subject at the moment. I hope I can ease him round to it gently and I hope he will think differently as time goes on, not long to go really I have my surgery scheduled for 21st May!

Dia, I have the same problem, keep the husbands happy or stick to our guns and get healthy. I've done it the traditional way and I'm back where I started within 5 years of getting to a healthy weight. I just can't sustain the loss over the long term, I know that and I need more help with it.

[Dia 0]

Thanks for all your comments' date=' all good advice. I do need to bring him along with me on this new journey but he's closed down to it and I'm almost wary of bringing up the subject at the moment. I hope I can ease him round to it gently and I hope he will think differently as time goes on, not long to go really I have my surgery scheduled for 21st May!

Dia, I have the same problem, keep the husbands happy or stick to our guns and get healthy. I've done it the traditional way and I'm back where I started within 5 years of getting to a healthy weight. I just can't sustain the loss over the long term, I know that and I need more help with it.[/quote']

I've tried every "diet" there is and like you nothing lasts, this my only option in order to live a healthy life. Thanks for listening. I know I am sticking to it and focusing on making me happy, hopefully he will get on board and realize that this is what I need, and his behavior is only hurting me. I will stay positive because this is my life and I need to be healthy to live it

[CJsmom84 90]

My husband wasn't at first but he came around. He said he'd rather me get this done than end up with diabetes high blood pressure and all the other things that come along with it. He had his moments after the surgery. But all in all is happy with the out come. He says I'm so much more happier and easier to be around. We want more babies and I was unable to get pregnant after fertility treatments in a year we will be able to start trying again. Men sometimes can only see with a jealous eye. He will have to look at the whole picture.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

My husband was really supportive of my decision. But I do know that your husband is likely to be very scared of all the things to come. He is so afraid of losing you that he doesn't know what to say.....It might open up his emotional vault and he couldn't get it back in check. This is a good time to open up the communication gate and let him know that you love for who he is and give him a big hug......After the procedure is done, he will be right there at your side and be the biggest support you could have ever imagined......

[erp 2,016]

Mine was not supportive at all. He actively tried to talk me out of it, even threatening me with consequences (like leaving me) for doing it. As my date got closer, I finally called bullsh*t on him and while he doesn't support me, he stopped being a jerk about it all. Now that I am post op, he still doesn't get it and goes out and buys donuts, but it's over and done with so it's fine.

[jojo1972 1]

My husband wasn't very happy about my having the surgery either. He made it an unhappy experience until my surgery. He knew i wasn't backing out because I needed to do this for me to be healthy. We have been married almost 41 years. He did support me and tried not to complain but wasn't happy. Now that I am post surgery, he has been very helpful. He takes really good care of me. He is happy and asked all the time how much weight I lost. He is proud of me and tells his family about my progress. He has also lost weight too. He sees what I eat and trys to stay close to that (except the small amount). Just reassure him why you are doing this. I wish the best for you.

[naviah 4]

My husband is starting to get really annoyed about my decision I mean he says it's up to me it's my life and my body but now I've booked a date his attitude is changing. Tonight he barely spoke to me and I actually think he is getting jealous that I'm going to change so much that people will start to notice me more and maye I won't want him. Weightloss can be difficult to navigate with partners I've been here before with him when I lost a lot of weight on weight watchers and he didn't like the attention I used to get from men in some ways it's easier to stay fat than put up with the jealous comments!

He has the issues sweety ... Not u what u have done and the weight lose it's for your Heath an a better u and girl it's all about u ... If he's acting like that he needs to grow up ... Note to self love is he took a vow better for worse sickness and Heath .. So tell him to get a grip

[loseitsoon 157]

My husband is my biggest supporter and the only one I have told! He is a great caregiver and is proud of what I have lost so way. I'm a lucky one!

[naviah 4]

My husband is my biggest supporter and the only one I have told! He is a great caregiver and is proud of what I have lost so way. I'm a lucky one!

That's the way it's should be

[serenity1959 67]

Nope, my DH told me that I didn't need surgery -- just to develop self control instead. He is also pretty upset because my insurance doesn't cover it and I will have to be self pay.