To tell or not to tell

[cal222 4]

I have just joined this site and I am seriously thinking about getting the sleeve. The only person I have told is my husband..I am afraid to tell my family and friends for a number of reasons. First, I am embarassed that I have not been able to keep weight off on my own. I also don't want to hear all the negative comments or be judged. Has anyone had similar fears? What did you do? Need advice.

[No game 14,437]

I don't know that I had fears of people finding out.. And I think if you want to keep it private that's fine, but please don't be embarrassed about not being able to keep it off. You at not a bad person because you have a weight issues. .

[taylokat 180]

Welcome! I have only told my husband and children (they are young adults). Other family members would disagree with my decision and try to talk me out of it. I actually work in a surgery area where this surgery is done often and last year I mentioned I was thinking about it and I got bombarded with negative comments. I never brought it up again. After the new year I dropped my insurance so I only have my husbands coverage... Taking 1 1/2 weeks vacation time starting this Friday the 12th... My surgery date... at at different hospital, of course!!

[sixbuttons 102]

I know how you feel! I've only told a handful of people because I don't want comments, rude remarks, or opinions. I've told my aunt, parents, and husband. That's it. My insurance is so crazy I have to jump through hoops before I can have surgery, so I don't want to tell everyone in case something were to happen and I'm not able to have surgery. Plus, it's embarrassing for me. I feel like such a failure and I'm having to destroy my body just to be "normal."

[Chellennunley 62]

I'm in the middle of my 6 month medically supervised diet. I totally understand how you are feeling. I have told my hubs, my mom, children and a select few others. I'm not telling my sisters, even though I KNOW they will support me, but, I'm afraid they will have unrealistic expectations and that will get me down. I'm also not telling my in laws. I feel they will judge me. Think I'm lazy or wanting "the easy way out". Tell only who you want! It's YOUR choice! You need a good support system.

[kc82 22]

I personally chose to tell a small group of people (mostly family and friends) whom I thought would be supportive. Oddly enough, a few people were very judgmental and were very rude with things they said about my decision. I was quite shocked. I no longer discuss this surgery with them and at times wish I would have kept it to myself. I wish you luck in your journey! I feel like VSG is the right choice for me.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

[ShrinkingBiker 121]

I was worried about comments as well.. My wife knew my plans all along and was super supportive. I told my step father, and he wasn't overly excited, but I explained my reasoning and he came around. I then told my mom and she asked questions but has been so supportive. I mentioned it to my sister at christmas and my middle brother knew since the summer.

I didn't tell anyone else until the sunday before my surgery. That's when I told my father, step mother and youngest brother (I wasn't going to even tell them but they invited us over for St. Pats dinner so I had to explain why I wasn't able to eat the food and would be just having salad)

I am sure that my father had a bunch of things to say, but he didn't say them to my face.. That's kind of the way that family works though.. Everything is said to others not the person they are talking about.. Kinda frustrating.

Friends and extended family didn't know until after the surgery when my wife posted from the hospital.. Then I made her call my grandmother ASAP to let her know what was going on.. I just didn't want her to worry and I was going to let her know when I was better.

It's a personal choice.. I would let those know who you feel you will need support from, but it's really nobodies business but yours.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,146]

I speak freely about it and squash the naysayers with facts and statistics.

[cal222 4]

Thanks to all of you for your advice. I am not sure I could tell my closest friends as they have made comments about other people (behind their back) and their weight loss struggles or choice to have surgery. I was wondering if I only had my husband to support me would it be enough? He supports my decision but I don't know how much day to day support he woulf be able to give, and is it fair to him to put it all on him just because I am afraid of the judgement and negativity?

[No game 14,437]

IMO you will need support outside of just your husband.. In the early days this surgery is really hard, and if you don't have a person or persons to talk to it can get mighty isolating. You don't need to shout it off the rooftops but one or to trusted close people.

[lovelife2013 30]

Im 25yrs and im a restaurant general manager i only told my wife,mom and my assistant but eventually when my friends see my weight loss i will let them know how I did it I don't think it is being a easy way out I think it is a great tool to change people's lives... and I want to share my journey so maybe one day it might touch someone else to get the surgery and actually save their lives as well

[luckysmomma 407]

I told no one. It was the best decision for me; everybody is different. Do what you feel is best for you. Good luck.

[No game 14,437]

I told no one. It was the best decision for me; everybody is different. Do what you feel is best for you. Good luck.

How's that working out for you?

[incontrol(almost) 14]

until you are sure and have a surgery date i would not tell anyone. it took me over a year to get approved and i made the mistake of telling people early on. they kept asking why my surgery was being delayed. this is a personal, intense process and you do not need the added pressure of other people giving you their opinions/advice.

or you can ignore my advice and tell everyone. whatever you feel is the best for you-do it!

i am six months out and feel this is the best and scariest decision i have ever made (sleeved august 2012, down 70 pounds and playing soccer with my kids).

[mrchris 98]

I'm not a modest or necessarily private person. While I certainly don't go out of my way to share things, I wasn't going to hide from it either. To be honest 95% of the people in my life didn't care how I did it (nor should they) they were excited it has worked well and were excited that I did something to improve my situation and health.

A couple of acquaintances did make the occasional comment. One of them is a neurotic *****, so when she made a barb at me to the effect of "if you learned to stop eating you wouldn't need to do something so drastic" to which I replied "if you learned to keep your legs shut, you wouldn't be such a ****" She got the point. I don't mention that to say you should be a jerk or get in peoples faces, but to point out that not one person on this planet is perfect. We all have our issues whether it food, exercise, smoking, drinking etc. One can stop smoking or drinking cold turkey, you can't stop eating cold turkey. Besides for many of us once the whole diabetes/metabolic disorder gets rolling even eating what would otherwise be normal meals isn't enough to necessarily lose weight. It's much more complex than just diet and exercise.

Thankfully most of the people in my life are very supportive and very positive people.