something apropros Oprah said once--re: "the easy way out"

[BuriedBombshell 63]

it's a serious question as I try to live with someone who had this surgery. it does seem to me that many of the things I see and read on here' date=' apply to any diet. isn't this surgery "tool" really nothing more then a diet? what is the difference? what is it that having major surgery does to your way of thinking, that just going on AND STAYING with a diet not do? I read on here that you've changed your way of thinking, the foods you eat, you give up carbs, alcohol & diet soda. you're willing to exercise. all of these things you'll do now, whereas before you wouldn't. you call no WL a stall, where as any diet calls it a plateau. what is the difference in your way of thinking, that changes because you had surgery?[/quote']

I know you wrote this a while ago, but my ass was HUNGRY!!! Sure, there were emotional components, but I've always done well on diets like HCG, because my hunger went away. But once I was off of it, it came back. Ferociously! Now I'm not hungry. What is there to not understand?

[BuriedBombshell 63]

good morning all. I do so appreciate answers to questions that try and explain why things will work and why they won't. the replies that are mean or defensive' date=' I try and ignore. my questions are blunt and honest. maybe this upsets some of you, but they are legit questions.

I look at weight like this. I know people who are really thin, and they eat all kinds of junk food. I'll bet everyone knows of some like this, and everyone is jealous of that person. but. some people also have really long legs, super blonde hair, they are pretty. I'm not them. I'm not the person who can eat with abandon either., I LIVE WITH RICK. and I love how you are all defending him. but, while I don't live with any of you, I can honestly say I have seen rick diet, and be successful. then he quits. so when he tells me, I can't lose weight on a diet, you betcha I have trouble with that, because he can. what he can't do is lose more then 5 lbs a week if that on a diet. what he doesn't want to do is accept that he is a person without that super fast matabolism, that he can not eat like he wants to. my hair looks awful if I let it air dry. so I spend time with it each morning to style it. my house gets dirty if I don't dust it. my body gets fat if I don't watch what I put in it.

I do NOT understand how you can say I got surgery to save my life; isn't fear of early death enough of a deterrent to eating 3,4,5 slices of pizza? apparently not. we have life ins. we have wills. we do not expect to die tomorrow, but we are prepared for it. we wear seatbelts in cars, even tho we've never been involved in a bad accident.

why is dieting so hard? maybe because we have to accept that it's not a diet, but a life altering decision to not overeat.

my original question stands. what has changed in your way of thinking, that now you can succeed? Rick told me he would NOT feel hunger. but now he is surprised that he is hungry. I've seen posts on here that say, I got this to give me a jump start and I'm never going back. I've also seen posts that say, I'm gaining weight.

I also saw a post from a woman who was MAD at her co workers cuz they constantly bring in food for the lunch room and she had the surgery don't they get it??? maybe they bring in food they know better to leave home so they don't eat it? but hesitate to throw it out? maybe they feel, here's 10 cupcakes, people will only take one........ and yes, I do feel, rick has to learn how to find his way again in the world of food. rick is totally upset that he is going to bobby flay's restaurant tonight and can't eat. he hasn't mentioned the joy of seeing the broadway show, or even just looking forward to hanging out with coworkers out of a work setting, just that he can't eat. and you wonder why I worry and ask questions that make you think?

someone said they now enjoy parties more cuz the focus isn't on food. that's positive! maybe for him, he looked forward to parties just to eat. I would have never thought that until I read it here.

as I said. I live with rick. I've seen him go on a diet and be very successful. but then, he'd just cheat. I don't know why. as with any diet out there, heck, you lose 30 lbs and you think, wow this is great!!! so why cheat?

I'm sorry I'm stirring your pot on here. surely you understand that it is somewhat of a one sided site, meant for those who have had the surgery. there's nothing for the families.

Protein. I need a good Protein for his party because he should eat that first. anyone wanna suggest good recipes they've discovered?

(it's ok if you yell at me, insult me, heck you can even blame me for all overweight people in the world ifn' ya want, I'm female, italian and scorpio, do you really think you can make me cry? smile)

instead I'd rather learn some positive recipes so I can incorporate them into our lives.

I have read on here that people cheated and ate food they shouldn't have before they were cleared to. haven't read many of people who exercised before they were supposed to. rick was raking last week, and I'm not sure he shoulda have done that. that kinda stuff worries me. anyone have input on that?

theresa[/quote']

The funny thing is....a lot of people lose the weight, gain confidence, and then get rid of the unsupportive, judgmental people in their lives. I am going to pray for Rick's weight loss success and increased self-esteem.

[BuriedBombshell 63]

CLASSY stuff right here' date=' y'all!

Worry less about how or why we need the WLS surgery and go plan a surprise birthday party your boyfriend expects every year...really? poor "Rick"

[/quote']

Phahahahaha!!!!!!oh man...I needed this

[aaayoungs 13]

I remember once when Oprah had lost a lot of weight...she heard that people were saying things like "Well' date=' she's rich, it's easy to lose weight when someone cooks all of your food and does everything for you." She was talking about it on her show and basically said...she was the one who had to make healthful dietary choices every day and refuse her beloved Ruffles potato chips. Her wealth didn't do that for her. And she is the one who had to get her butt on the track and walk every day. She couldn't pay someone to do that for her.

I think it is so similar when people say that VSG is "the easy way out." We are the ones who have make sure that every morsel we put in our mouths is good fuel for our bodies and resist head hunger. The surgery doesn't do that for us. We're the ones who make special holiday meals for our families and then don't partake in most of it. The surgery doesn't do that for us. We're the ones who go to the gym even when the weather isn't good or we feel like going to bed early instead. The surgery doesn't do that for us. We're the ones who keep drinking (and drinking and drinking) Water when part of us would rather hang out with our old friend Diet Coke or Frozen Margarita. The surgery doesn't do that for us.

And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, the surgery is a tool, but I still feel that we own and deserve every hard-earned victory we see on the scale and every NSV. If others don't understand that, it's okay. I know that I haven't taken the easy way out, but I also know that what I'm doing is an investment in something very important--me. And that's something that money definitely can't buy.[/quote']

Beautifully said!

[Beautyandbeyond 227]

I know you wrote this a while ago' date=' but my ass was HUNGRY!!! [/quote']

Rolling! This is too funny

[BuriedBombshell 63]

Rolling! This is too funny

Lol! I mean....

[TES 858]

Those who have had the surgery, and those who are family, friends, and supporters of them are also welcome to come here, participate, learn, educate and be educated.

Thanks for the response, Susan. If you've read this thread, I'm sure that you will see this isn't happening with the poster in question. She is not a "supporter" and she is not here to participate, learn, educate or be educated. Just wants to stir the pot. It is one thing is someone wants to learn from others and is open to learning--but if he or she is here just to be hostile and attack others on a support forum--it's pretty counterproductive.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

I'm confused. If you CAN make sure you only put good fuel into your bodies and resist head hunger, if you CAN make good holiday meals for your family then not eat them, if you CAN go to the gym instead of lounging in bed -- why then do you need this surgery?

I can answer this question. It's much easier to resist when we should since the hunger is gone. I have been at goal and maintaining since Dec 2010. I make holiday meals, I make every day meals and do NOT do without, I just do much, much, MUCH less! I do NOT go to the gym, not ONE time since surgery, I know me, I'd lose interest, get bored and I did NOT want to lose weight in part from being a gym rat. So, what DID I do you ask.....I made life style changes, and I'm obsessive about it. I make choices, I log my food, I weigh and/or measure my food when at home, I weigh every morning. I feel like finally, I live and eat like a naturally thin person. BTW, fat or thin, I have never lounged around in bed, not a bon bon fan either.

I hope this answers your question, of course this is MY story.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

******

We have different body chemistry and different brain chemistry, if we didn't we would not be in our starting conditions. We eat like "normal" people yet we are at least 100 pounds overweigh

**************

really? you truly really believe this? I just read a quote about someone who put a shotgun on the porch, with shells inside of it. he came back, and low and behold it hadn't killed anyone. he was going to check on his spoons now, because he heard they make people fat.

tell y'all what. if and when the day comes that you take responsibility for your own weight gain, then perhaps, just maybe, you'll be able to keep weight off. as long as you continue to believe that "you are different from others, you eat normal but gain weight" you will never succeed. it's called personal responsibilty.

the other day he said to me, oh, those that gain weight, they eat ice cream and fast food. i don't do that. and i said, honey, neither of us does that. yet we've both managed to gain weight over the years. it has to be more then that. and he said, yeah, you're right.

god if nothing else, i hope he leaves this site. it appears that many, not all of you by far, but many of you truly believe that you've done nothing but wake up one day as an obese person. i don't want him here. i want him to know that he can enjoy food again, just by using Portion Control.< /p>

Sorry Charlie, you're wrong, at least this is NOT my story. I do not think I woke up fat one morning, and I know exactly whose fault it is.....isn't it ALWAYS our mom's fault???!!!!! LoL Just kidding. Seriously, it's my fault. A speaker at a support group recently said, 100 additional calories a day, every day, is over 36,000 calories a year, which equals about 10 lbs. A light went off, that is exactly how it happens. 2 or 3, 4 or 5 lbs per year over a 20 year period - Yikes!!!! Where the problem lies is we 'accept' that additional 4 lbs and when we get closer to (you fill in the blank) we tell ourselves, at least I don't weigh that amount....and we go on. It's slow, it's a vicious cycle. Some do have medical conditions, just like there are some who cannot GAIN weight, many times due to a medical condition. It is what it is.....if someone thinks sleeve surgery is 'the easy way out' - I don't care. I'm all for easy, I don't give a rats a$$ what anyone thinks. It is what it is.....I personally don't think having 85% of my stomach removed is the 'easy' way out, but it HAS been easy for me....of course, so was popping prescription diet pills. I think this is better, long term, so sue me.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

Who's not taking responsibility for their weight? Why are you even on this site? Maybe someone will leak this to your husband so he can see how you truly feel about WLS patients. Your extremely disrespectful and rude. It seems like you don't have much going on in your world that you need to keep coming on a WLS site and try pushing everyone's buttons. Again, what you see as blunt and honest I see as tiresome and redundant. I'll report you if you continue to insult all of us. It's mean and unnecessary. You are offering absolutely NO support or anything constructive.

Oh my gosh, I didn't realize this person was referring to her husband. Oh, how sad for him. My husband was apprehensive for a brief time. He didn't want me to risk going from perfectly healthy to who knows what. When I told him I was going to do this and I'd love for him to be on board, he soon became my biggest fan, my biggest cheerleader. He attends every support group meeting, missing just two in the past three years due to being out of town. He's great, participates and even takes notes. I love him, his enthusiasm (sp?) and his unwavering support....not to mention, he will let me shop till I drop and then take me out to Celebrate a new outfit.

Life is good.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

CLASSY stuff right here, y'all!

Worry less about how or why we need the WLS surgery and go plan a surprise birthday party your boyfriend expects every year...really? poor "Rick"

If she is REALLY a mom to six, that is a lot of baggage and probably a LOT of insecurity. If she fell for Rick, overweight, then she is probably worried he may feel as though he 'settled' after he starts losing weight. Once he loses weight, he will be thrilled, a whole new life, sexuality, girls are interested. Scary stuff for someone who isn't quite sure she's a prize. My humble opinion, of course.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

It is truly a shame that momto6ix believes she is the only one allowed to be "blunt and honest" while ALL of the rest of us are just "mean and defensive". I believe the purpose of this site is that it is to be used as an online support group for those of us who have had the courage to take such a drastic measure to heal ourselves. It should not be a place for someone who has never walked in our shoes to come ask for our advice and then disrespect what we have to say!

I don't feel insulted at all. I am not a victim and seriously, who cares what someone else thinks? Not me.

You can't fix stupid. I don't feel sorry for Rick, he'll see the light and ditch her and her six kids! You know, donuts, cupcakes and coke make you fat if you use no self control, but six kids, let us talk about learning what causes that. Ok, I'll crawl out of the gutter now. I'm just sayin'

[NtvTxn 1,262]

thank you all again. and please don't get the wrong idea, when I type here, I am being honestly blunt. with him, I've tried encouragement until I'm blue in the face. I've gone on every diet he wants to, once, we both were ''losing' until we found out our scale was broken, we bought a better one online for very obese people, and i kept going, he threw the diet out the window. he made a comment in the 1st week after surg, that now he is losing whole pounds. that's his comment, which suggests that if he isn't losing whole pounds, nothing is worth it. i've tried getting him to walk with me, go flea marketing, etc. we just finished our basement, on his insistance a treadmill and recumbant bike that sat unused by him for years, were included in the playroom portion of the basement. we also have a bar room and a pool table game room. he can't use the exercise equipment yet, i know this. i am surprised that he can walk but not ride the bike, but i didn't question the dr on this, i'm sure he has his reasons. but he did approve playing pool, and since i'm terrible at it, when we do play he gets very little sitting down time. so that is better then sitting.

whoever typed ghrelin leptin adipose , i copied it, and i am going to do research right now on this. because i can see for myself that something is different in his head from mine, that allows me to stop myself from going nuts on food, that doesn't to him.

while we're at it, what is the opinion of personality change after this? because this is a man who is a very good cook, who literally loves food, who has major head hunger i think because he tells me he is starving alot. yesterday he snapped at me all day long, to the point where i finally took my coffee and disappeared. i haven't said this to him, but i am wondering. i felt funny myself sitting down to eat Breakfast before we left for flea marketing, then having lunch when we got home, while he is there with his very small soft foods he's made. he turned down going to NY with a vendor at work who is taking about 15 employees to see a Broadway show and have dinner afterwards, because "what's the point of going? I can't eat" any advice on things I can do?

The further I go back and read, the more I learn. Now it's ME that is judging. Six kids later I hear you saying YOU have dieted with him, so common sense tells me you aren't 5'4" weighing in at 120 soaking wet. YOU can stand to lose a little weight as well. "Me thinks" you are threatened. Maybe you don't need to lose enough to get a sleeve, but enough that you struggle with it. Could it be you're afraid he'll get fit and trim, then judge you?

I'm just sayin'

[NurseAndi 18]

it's a serious question as I try to live with someone who had this surgery. it does seem to me that many of the things I see and read on here' date=' apply to any diet. isn't this surgery "tool" really nothing more then a diet? what is the difference? what is it that having major surgery does to your way of thinking, that just going on AND STAYING with a diet not do? I read on here that you've changed your way of thinking, the foods you eat, you give up carbs, alcohol & diet soda. you're willing to exercise. all of these things you'll do now, whereas before you wouldn't. you call no WL a stall, where as any diet calls it a plateau. what is the difference in your way of thinking, that changes because you had surgery?[/quote']

I spent thousands of dollars on a personal trainer and nutritionist and dr visits. The only answer I was able to find was maybe you are one of those people who lose weight slow. That was unacceptable to me, I am only 5'1" and I was 190 pounds with back problems from in old injury that the weight was not helping. I was running 6 miles/day 4 days a week and killing myself in the gym 4 days a week. The only results I had were 15 pounds off.. It is very disheartening when someone does everything they are suppose to but still no reward. I love working out I enjoy it very much. But my new tool just helps me that much more.

[kulita 243]

******

We have different body chemistry and different brain chemistry, if we didn't we would not be in our starting conditions. We eat like "normal" people yet we are at least 100 pounds overweigh

**************

really? you truly really believe this? I just read a quote about someone who put a shotgun on the porch, with shells inside of it. he came back, and low and behold it hadn't killed anyone. he was going to check on his spoons now, because he heard they make people fat.

tell y'all what. if and when the day comes that you take responsibility for your own weight gain, then perhaps, just maybe, you'll be able to keep weight off. as long as you continue to believe that "you are different from others, you eat normal but gain weight" you will never succeed. it's called personal responsibilty.

the other day he said to me, oh, those that gain weight, they eat ice cream and fast food. i don't do that. and i said, honey, neither of us does that. yet we've both managed to gain weight over the years. it has to be more then that. and he said, yeah, you're right.

god if nothing else, i hope he leaves this site. it appears that many, not all of you by far, but many of you truly believe that you've done nothing but wake up one day as an obese person. i don't want him here. i want him to know that he can enjoy food again, just by using Portion Control.< /p>

I respect your candidness, in that you are really asking questions that are not any different from skeptics who many of us keep our surgery a secret from.

I take responsibility for EVERYTHING I do. It is because of MY poor choices that I became unhealthy. It is also because of MY poor choices that I was not able to successfully achieve weight loss needed for me to be a healthier person. So for ME, the risk of the operation was minimal (beneficial) compared to the health risks of not having the surgery. I urge you to look at this link http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/gastric-surgery-you-should-be-getting

I am a HUGE foodie. Both my husband and I are. I am not talking about going to Outback or cheesecake factory. I am talking about waaay more upscale than this. Most of the time we make our own food followed out of Bon Apetit or Gourmet magazine and most is organic. He runs 10 miles a day for fun while I would rather stay home (yup... I said it). I can STILL enjoy food with him but some things have changed since the surgery.

I now eat very slowly (cannot before) instead of inhaling my food in 10 minutes. My meals take about 30-45 minutes. This lets me savor and truly enjoy my food. I also must thoroughly chew my food so that I can digest the nutrients properly (did not do this before. I will get full much sooner much like when I was a child. Also, and like ANY diet I must exercise if I want to keep the excess weight off and shape my muscles.

If I EVER try to take 1 more bite of anything I will most likely vomit it back up. I will have to make a very conscious decision about what I need to eat first followed by what I want to eat, if I have room for it. Please keep in mind not everyone eats to capacity because it is very uncomfortable.

Please be considerate at the fact that Rick may not be are strong willed as you are and is adjusting to his new lifestyle. If he has plateaus/stalls comfort him and assure him that it will come off. If he does lose weight praise him with sincere compliments. Step aside and let him own this part of his life.