something apropros Oprah said once--re: "the easy way out"

[Susmcmur 124]

it's a serious question as I try to live with someone who had this surgery. it does seem to me that many of the things I see and read on here' date=' apply to any diet. isn't this surgery "tool" really nothing more then a diet? what is the difference? what is it that having major surgery does to your way of thinking, that just going on AND STAYING with a diet not do? I read on here that you've changed your way of thinking, the foods you eat, you give up carbs, alcohol & diet soda. you're willing to exercise. all of these things you'll do now, whereas before you wouldn't. you call no WL a stall, where as any diet calls it a plateau. what is the difference in your way of thinking, that changes because you had surgery?[/quote']

I'll give you my answer, but I can't presume to speak for anyone else. I am 54 years old and tried and failed many weight loss plans, lifestyle changes, exercise attempts, and diets since I was about 12 years old. That's 42 years of struggle, moderate success and huge failure. I researched WLS for about five years. I spoke with three different surgeons, know at least five people who had either VSG or bypass with varying degrees of success, and made my decision. Once I committed to the surgery, I was "all in." I view this as my last, best hope of permanent weight loss and control. I was and am determined to live "by the book" of my Nut's and my surgeon's guidelines. I struggle at times. But my commitment is greater than the temptation to eat all day, every day. I can only eat a little during one sitting, and I follow the guidelines given. Why now, and not then is your question? I think it's because my stomach is smaller, it takes less to be satisfied, and success begets success in my case.

I wish you well as you try to be a supportive person in the life of the one who had been sleeved in your home. My husband and sons have been loving, nurturing, and so kind over this past year. It is amazing to have my own cheering section (my varsity athletes say it's payback for all those years of hauling them to practices, workouts and cheering in the stands for them!). Love!

[momto6ix 2]

thank you for your input. as I said, I live with someone who just had this surgery. what I've seen is that he would go on a diet, and if he didn't get these super results of 10 lbs a week, which is unrealistic, he'd just quit. right now, he's only 2.5 weeks out, and in a stall. I guess I can see that if this happened with "just" a regular diet, he'd quit and just eat. but right now he can't do that. Having never had this huge weight problem as he does, I guess I'm trying to understand. for me, I would have never let myself get to the point he is at. for me, my "omg I weigh that much???" number is far far lower then his. I struggle daily with losing 30 lbs. but that's all I've ever let myself go. and yes, being female who BEARS the kids, I've always felt that female who have had children have a slightly different disadvantage on weight gain then those who haven't had kids. be it male or female. I'm hoping desperately that this time he succeeds, but whenever I try to talk to him about this, he just snaps at me. I'm hoping he'd never see this post because he hates Oprah. I do know that if he were on a regular good ole fashioned diet, and not lost weight for 5 days, he'd say heck with it, and just binge on food. I live with him, I've SEEN this. right now, he's not losing, but unable to do any binge type eating. I tell him, don't be ridiculous, you will lose weight, how can you not on 800 calories a day? I believe that in 6 months or so, he'll have that huge WL that he seems to need, and be able to go forth and succeed when he's past this "honeymoon" period. no, to be blunt and completely honest, I don't think anyone "needs" WLS, I think people want instant gratification with huge WL's whenever they diet. so this was the point of my question. does this huge wl within such a short time, change your way of thinking so much that you do succeed? listen, I don't mean to criticize, please don't take it that way. but I myself have found, that it's super easy, and quite enjoyable, to eat whatever you want and gain weight seemingly overnight; but way hard to lose it. but let's face it, most of us are just not built in such a way, that we can indulge in Cheeto's every night of the week, and be thin.

what makes you change you bad habits after surgery? what is it that does this, that regular dieting doesn't do for you?

[BethinPA 305]

For me the surgery was like a reset button. A chance to start fresh, but with built in restrictions that don't allow me to just throw up my hands and have a cheat day that turns into a cheat week and so on. This surgery really seems to change most chemically, in a different way than just dieting would. You don't crave sweets/breads/carbs in the same way that you did before. You feel no hunger to get you off track. These are tools to hopefully get you to significant weight loss, and then I am hoping to keep that ball rolling down hill. So in the beginning your new, small stomach forces you to change your habits - after that, it is really up to you. Make sense?

[Susmcmur 124]

I appreciate your frustration with the idea that someone "needs" WLS. I can only say that I gave many other methods many, many years and my very best effort and I was still a failure. The "reset button" is a good analogy. The first six months or so was a white knuckle flight of following doctors orders to a T. I was so worried about getting sick, throwing up, dumping, developing a leak, that I developed a whole new set of habits. Add to that the immediate physical response that comes from eating even one bite too many and you have dome pretty powerful biofeedback. Now that I'm almost a year out, I've relaxed a bit, but I'm still cautious and mindful of every bite.

[sweetcurves3 57]

With this particular surgery the grhelin is removed with the part of the stomach that is cut off. This helps us not to have hunger. I believe for the majority of us we still have cravings and head hunger but its up to us to make the right decision on what we eat. With that being said sometimes it is easier for us to make better decision because for some cravings change, taste buds change, if you try something you shouldn't have sometimes it doesn't sit well with you. Our stomachs are smaller so we cannot eat/drink as much as before.

For exercise that's depends on the individual. Some have exercised before having surgery but there are some that do not like to exercise. Some will start to exercise because they are losing weight permanently and they feel like its not the same old diet and exercise routine that didn't work before or that you lost some weight but eventually gained back and possibly more.

[taurabird 142]

A lot of times the binge that comes after a diet for someone that is very overweight is caused by the diet itself. Our bodies way of fighting to keep its normal weight sends our appetite into overdrive when we diet. This is one of the things that is reset with WLS. This increase in appetite happens in proportion to how much fat you have and how long you have had it.

[taurabird 142]

I also suggest that you do some actual research yourself since you want to learn about what he has and is currently going through. Do a google search for ghrelin leptin adipose response. Read some of the research studies that have been done.

[taurabird 142]

I also suggest that you do some actual research yourself since you want to learn about what he has and is currently going through. Do a google search for ghrelin leptin adipose response. Read some of the research studies that have been done.

[Beautyandbeyond 227]

Momto6ix,

Perhaps step back for a moment and think about the words you are using with your loved one. Based on some of the responses to your posts, its not difficult to become offended or defensive if an individual feels judgement vs. wanting understanding.

But back to your question about WLS vs. diet. The average person cannot live on a 'diet' for their entire lives but you can change habits. This tool doesn't give you tons of options for failure. Want to over eat? No space for that. Choose the wrong food, you'll be besties with the porcelain throne! etc. With loving kindness you can help your loved one be as successful as is possible!

[momto6ix 2]

thank you all again. and please don't get the wrong idea, when I type here, I am being honestly blunt. with him, I've tried encouragement until I'm blue in the face. I've gone on every diet he wants to, once, we both were ''losing' until we found out our scale was broken, we bought a better one online for very obese people, and i kept going, he threw the diet out the window. he made a comment in the 1st week after surg, that now he is losing whole pounds. that's his comment, which suggests that if he isn't losing whole pounds, nothing is worth it. i've tried getting him to walk with me, go flea marketing, etc. we just finished our basement, on his insistance a treadmill and recumbant bike that sat unused by him for years, were included in the playroom portion of the basement. we also have a bar room and a pool table game room. he can't use the exercise equipment yet, i know this. i am surprised that he can walk but not ride the bike, but i didn't question the dr on this, i'm sure he has his reasons. but he did approve playing pool, and since i'm terrible at it, when we do play he gets very little sitting down time. so that is better then sitting.

whoever typed ghrelin leptin adipose , i copied it, and i am going to do research right now on this. because i can see for myself that something is different in his head from mine, that allows me to stop myself from going nuts on food, that doesn't to him.

while we're at it, what is the opinion of personality change after this? because this is a man who is a very good cook, who literally loves food, who has major head hunger i think because he tells me he is starving alot. yesterday he snapped at me all day long, to the point where i finally took my coffee and disappeared. i haven't said this to him, but i am wondering. i felt funny myself sitting down to eat Breakfast before we left for flea marketing, then having lunch when we got home, while he is there with his very small soft foods he's made. he turned down going to NY with a vendor at work who is taking about 15 employees to see a Broadway show and have dinner afterwards, because "what's the point of going? I can't eat" any advice on things I can do?

[schristine1375 7]

If anyone says to my that sleeve was the easy way out I will tell them to go have 85% of their stomach cut out and live with the constant knowing that if I over stuff myself just an inch that I will throw up or be sick all night.

[Beautyandbeyond 227]

thank you all again. and please don't get the wrong idea' date=' when I type here, I am being honestly blunt. with him, I've tried encouragement until I'm blue in the face. I've gone on every diet he wants to, once, we both were ''losing' until we found out our scale was broken, we bought a better one online for very obese people, and i kept going, he threw the diet out the window. he made a comment in the 1st week after surg, that now he is losing whole pounds. that's his comment, which suggests that if he isn't losing whole pounds, nothing is worth it. i've tried getting him to walk with me, go flea marketing, etc. we just finished our basement, on his insistance a treadmill and recumbant bike that sat unused by him for years, were included in the playroom portion of the basement. we also have a bar room and a pool table game room. he can't use the exercise equipment yet, i know this. i am surprised that he can walk but not ride the bike, but i didn't question the dr on this, i'm sure he has his reasons. but he did approve playing pool, and since i'm terrible at it, when we do play he gets very little sitting down time. so that is better then sitting.

whoever typed ghrelin leptin adipose , i copied it, and i am going to do research right now on this. because i can see for myself that something is different in his head from mine, that allows me to stop myself from going nuts on food, that doesn't to him.

while we're at it, what is the opinion of personality change after this? because this is a man who is a very good cook, who literally loves food, who has major head hunger i think because he tells me he is starving alot. yesterday he snapped at me all day long, to the point where i finally took my coffee and disappeared. i haven't said this to him, but i am wondering. i felt funny myself sitting down to eat breakfast before we left for flea marketing, then having lunch when we got home, while he is there with his very small soft foods he's made. he turned down going to NY with a vendor at work who is taking about 15 employees to see a Broadway show and have dinner afterwards, because "what's the point of going? I can't eat" any advice on things I can do?[/quote']

Yes, yes, yes...you are experiencing the backlash of a person who connects with others using food. I think probably 90% of us have gone through this. I didnt realize just how much I connected with my family and friends with food. Its around during quality time like holidays, birthdays and other special events. And when you're meeting friends to catch up its usually around lunch, dinner or coffee and in his mind THATS GONE and whats the point.

I remember I completely lost it with my husband while on the preop diet and a few days postop. You're hungry, your brain chemistry is off due to the lack of carbs, your energy is low, you start releasing all these hormones as your body is losing weight and now you have to deal with the emotional effects of not connecting with food. An absolute recipe for disaster!

It will get better in time as the weight comes off. Thank you for not giving up on him. You represent all of our support groups who have been there with us wanting to help us to be successful. Hang in there!

[Jenhort 16]

This IS HARD!!!! Most of us "know all there is to know about losing weight" We know it backwards sideways and upside down! I have discovered and finally come to terms that this is an addiction and I am playing a head game! These battles I am fighting are all in my head. This surgery made it easier to stick to those rules and helped me to think more about my choices...why am I hungry?? or am I really hungry??? what is it that I really want?? I have experienced alot of self discovery this past year, sometimes I think I have it down and then I realize I still have to work for this... and damn I wish I could have done this without such an extreme surgery...but I had to do it for my own health. Time was running out in my life. I would not wish this on anyone. And I dont expect anyone to understand me, but it sure does help when people do attempt to understand! Yup I did this allll to myself over a lifetime. I am the only one that can undo this. I am also lucky to have family and friends that support me and this website sure does help too!

[msemma 49]

Amen!!!

[momto6ix 2]

so do you all start joining in on family gatherings that include food again? we have a large family between us. he has 1 son and 1 grandson, we don't see them hardly at all, they live in another state. i have 6 daughters and 10 grandchildren that live close by, so we see them often. once he had this surgery, even I see it more, how yes, gatherings typically involve food. I have been planning his 60th birthdaty surprise since we moved here 3 yrs ago. I never thought of a surgery. Now, it's supposed to be at the end of May around Memorial day. I've been torn. do I have it? not have it yet? he can eat, but not much, and we usually get a keg when we party. now what? not sure how to handle this.

oh, I have news for you. one thing this site is missing is a support group for the family members. not you guys, us. that would be helpful. whenever I ask him about things, he tends to snap. he's convinced he could have never lost weight without this. so if you say the wrong thing, he snaps because he's so sensitive about this. I found this site cuz he kept telling me I needed to educate myself on this. ok. here i am. at least when I ask you guys questions, you don't snap at me. my questions are legit.

thanx again all. Tia