How do you deal with sabotage and negativity from others?

[DecoGirl 0]

Hi all. I had VSG in Jun 2012. I have to say I am very pleased overall. I have had very little appetite, now at 10 months post op. Although I have only lost 60 lbs, I am still losing and have not gained any weight back.

My dilemma is this....I recently obtained good insurance coverage, after not having any insurance for several years. I was excited to be accepted at the mayo Clinic for my primary care, considering the good reputation the clinic has.

I went to see my new doctor last week, and she was very condescending and mentally sabotaging regarding my weightloss surgery. Here are some of the things she said to me~

"The VSG is the least successful wls out of the three (traditional bypass, lapband, and vsg, bypass being the most effective, then the band, and vs coming in last). She said I can only expect to lose 30 percent of my total excess weight with the sleeve, and that I "need to be realistic" in my weightloss goals. She also said the appetite would come back, and that many people learn to "eat around" the surgery.

What horrible things to say to a patient.

When I tried to speak, she talked over me, and wouldn't let me finish speaking. I finally was able to utter "Well, I met a lady with my hiking meetup group who lost 150 lbs with this surgery, which is why I became interested in this procedure", and the doctor said, "Well she is hiking a lot, correct?" As if to say, she was one of the few success stories because she hikes often.

Can someone tell me why a physician would be so negative? She is an Asian woman with no weight problem herself. And she is an internal medicine doctor, but not a weightloss specialist.

I have been feeling so depressed since I had to endure her negativity, and I think I have gained 2 pounds after being "fed" her toxic words. I am so upset about this, that I plan to call the office tomorrow and insist on seeing someone else at the clinic, or that I will go elsewhere. How do you all deal with negative people who seem to want to sabotage you?

[flyme_places 99]

That's Judy's horrible coming from a doctor at One of the worlds most respected medical institutes. I have a friend who works at mayo and when I decided to tell her that I decided to start the process of getting the surgery done I was afraid she'd put in her medical hat and do the same thing. Luckily she didn't. She is 100% supportive. I haven't gotten mine done yet but I do have a small group at work that know and are behind me 100%. I'd say most definitely get a new doctor cause they are supposed to help not harm you. Best of luck and I hope you have mug more weight loss.

[coops 1,790]

Hiya decogirl,

What an awful thing for her to say! She clearly has no idea what she is talking about and her research, is well, simply wrong... 30% is just ridiculous ...IMO.

You don't have to deal with her negativity! If you're unhappy, find another doctor, she should be supporting you.

I've experienced similar, althiugh not as crude, by a nurse... I just gave her the death stare and asked 'if she'd finished', picked my dignity up of the floor and walked out with my head held high!

Remember this, you got the sleeve to take charge of your health and well being, do not let others influence you- easier said than done I know- but you were strong enough to get the operation and lose a tremendous amount of weight so far. This tells me that you are already in control... That doesn't need to change because of someone's words!

Ignore her unkind words; keep doing what you are doing and simply prove her wrong!

I'm 2 21/2 yrs out now, I've lost over 90% of my surgeon's goal and 78% of my ultimate goal and I've kept it off! I believe that the sleeve is a tool that will stay with us (yes you can eat around it, if you chose to do so- but you can do that with the other surgeries too). There is no expiry date to the sleeve!

Oh, and congratulations on your weight loss... You are defo rocking that sleeve!

This is a great forum for support.

Keep us posted...

[cbd 78]

I am a nurse and always a patient advocate. Definitely find a different doctor. I tell my patients that hiring a doctor is just like hiring a plumber or carpenter....you are paying them for a service and if you are not happy with the service provided you look elsewhere. I disagree with her comments. Find yourself a supportive doctor who will be helpful in your journey to a healthier lifestyle.....not a hindrance.

[Shrinkingmom 218]

I am a nurse and always a patient advocate. Definitely find a different doctor. I tell my patients that hiring a doctor is just like hiring a plumber or carpenter....you are paying them for a service and if you are not happy with the service provided you look elsewhere. I disagree with her comments. Find yourself a supportive doctor who will be helpful in your journey to a healthier lifestyle.....not a hindrance.

I too am a nurse and totally agree with cbd! Go elsewhere!!! It is not her job to demean you or dismiss your health this way! Even if she doesn't agree with it, it is already done so why would you talk so negative to a patient instead of encourageing? That being said, I have met quite a few people who say how awesome I look and how they don't recognize me, and then when they ask how I did it, (which always comes) and I tell them, I get the "Oh" and a change of subject. WE HAVE LET OUR EMOTIONS AND OTHER PEOPLE'S INPUT GET US TO THIS POINT... forget this woman as ignorant, know that you are in control of your life and wether you use the tool you are given or you don't, and move on. JUST LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE AND SAY NEXT!!!! Please don't let someone else control your destiny because I promise you, if you put back on all that weight because of what someone says, it doesn't affect them, only you!!!! YOU ARE IN CONTROL! YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOU NEED TO PUT HER OUT OF YOUR MIND LIKE TAKING OUT THE TRASH!!! Sorry to rant, but some people are very insensitive, especially if they have never had a wt. problem!! Good luck with your search for a new Physician!!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

That's so ridiculous! I'm a nurse, too, and my advice is don't go back there. I wouldn't go back, not only for her negative approach and awful bedside manner, but also for the apparent lack of medical knowledge. Sorry, but she was misquoting statistics. There is plenty of medical evidence available that supports MUCH higher success rates than 30%. It actually makes me wonder if she even understood the surgery you had. Just dismiss what she said and move on.

[bmbrush413 124]

I would definitely look for another doctor. My PCP has been nothing but supportive, as she has seen my struggles over the past 13 years. She sent me to an amazing surgeon (every referral has been top notch). I know it's rare to find someone that is so great and so trustworthy, but I really think everyone deserves that - especially from someplace like mayo. There's no reason to put up with someone who is condescending or rude to you.

[FeeIsMe2 508]

I had a similar experience with the nurse practitioner from my OB/GYN's office, after questioning my 100# weight loss since my last appointment she said, oh so many people gain all the weight back after WLS surgery. I was shocked at her attitude and really disappointed that she had absolutely nothing positive to say.

I decided to chalk it up to her ignorance and move on!

[SpaceDust 585]

I had a similar experience with the nurse practitioner from my OB/GYN's office' date=' after questioning my 100# weight loss since my last appointment she said, oh so many people gain all the weight back after WLS surgery. I was shocked at her attitude and really disappointed that she had absolutely nothing positive to say.

I decided to chalk it up to her ignorance and move on![/quote']

Yes, and so many more put it back on after a conventional diet. Really. What a foolish and negative comment to make!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-T989 using VST

[iggychic 1,405]

Her facts were a bit off but what was said is true. People do eat around their tools and people do gain weight back, but not to the extent that she said of course. But those people likely didn't deal with their food issues and didn't make the changes necessary to their lives to be successful. This is just a tool and if some silly witch with an MD under her black hat is going to make you gain two pounds than it's time for your to assess where you are in that journey right? I mean that in a nice way, believe me....you're rocking your sleeve so far, but don't let some silly idiot push you back down a long dark road. Use her as a valuable lesson about why you feel you've gained weight since you saw her. What did you do? Did a cookie help? Probably not right?

And yes change doctors, but TELL THE MANAGEMENT WHY!!!!! Arrogant idiots can only be dealt with if you share your negative experiences with her boss. She may not like WLS...heck I don't either in many cases, but as a medical professional, with a patient sitting in front of you who's already had the surgery, what the hell good are you doing telling them they made a bad choice? It's just stupid at an amazing level of stupid Don't tell them that you reacted with food....just share the facts and do so in writing so that they can use this as a training tool. It may not help her, but it could help another doc not stick his/her foot in their mouth in the future and might just manage to get her to keep her thoughts to herself when the next poor patient sits in front of her.

But don't let her win dear! You have to make the right choices to prove her wrong Success is hard to argue with.

[taylokat 180]

That's terrible. My primary doctor, who I have known for 25 years, doesn't personally agree with my decision but as my doctor he supports me and respects my choice. He certainly doesn't make me feel like I have made a bad choice!

[Taradawn15 148]

I had a similar thing happen as I moved shortly after my surgey and had a very hard time getting into the weightless clinic near me. So I saw my primary care doctor instead. She had never even heard of the Sleeve and said that's most likely because its just another fad that would end up in me gaining all my weight back. I was mad and saw a diff doctor. The other doctor was very supportive and reminded me that getting the sleeve is just a tool in my weight loss goal and if I work hard with my sleeve I can easily achieve and maintain my goal and I think she's right. I am only 6 months out, but have already made major lifestyle changes to accompany my sleeve and I know I can stick with them. This is going to be a lasting change for me and I will be happy to prove that first Doctor wrong!

[capeciw 18]

I'm so angry for you!!! Unfortunately, drs don't all come with compassion aNd people skills. As a society we think they have all the answers and they don't. And excuse me, but as people who were overweight we are EXPERTS about weight loss-- we have a battle executing it. We are EXPeRTS at being realistic and

I had a very good friend just tell me, while laughing, that most people gain weight back with this ( not true). It really hurt me and made me doubt myself.

And here us the deal- you know you. You are awesome and look how much you gave done already. Get a new dr--- this one doesn't get it and should go in to research not treatment.

[melodymouse 196]

Many doctors are against WLS. Mostly because they themselves are ignorant about why/how it works, truly. As for being the least successful, I say poohey to her. I have lost 85% of my excess body weight with the sleeve (14 months out) and for the first time in 30 years have a BMI of 23.8! Change doctors. Call the bariatric surgery department and ask them for a recommendation. For long term success, you need a doctor who is educated in the bariatric process!

[Fiddleman 4,376]

Might as well make lemonade out of lemons and profit from the situation. Sue her for damages. Make her know that her behavior is not acceptable to you or any other patient. In no professional environment is this behavior acceptable between service provider and client. I am a little over the top in my response, but think about it...