Stop having so many damn kids; population control, anyone?

[Lee4love1 0]

No she did not...after our marriage--she went on to have 3 more by some other guy...Oh well

[green 6]

I think Lee4 is wondering why these women have a raft of kids, each by a different and absent father. Talking to women who have children so carelessly makes him want to run away from them.

He has kids but they are by the same woman. They are in his custody because she wasn't interested in them. At least this is how I understand the content of Lee4's post. You can correct me if I am wrong, Lee4.

[green 6]

No she did not...after our marriage--she went on to have 3 more by some other guy...Oh well

Oops! Crossed posts, eh. Lee4, why is it that some women go around carelessly having children by a lot of different men who don't even care about these kids? Kids who don't have fathers in their lives are missing out on something very important. And kids who live in single parent families are more likely to live in poverty and suffer stress.

[Lee4love1 0]

This is true. My ex-wife was terribly upset that my oldest has sickle cell anemia and of course--it's all 100% my fault she says. Even though the medical science says--it takes two sickle cell trait Parents to make that child who has it. My other child has the trait. I have reached an area of him understanding nutrition, nutrition, nutrition. I am happy to say I have an 11 year old who calls his stomach his tank now. He comes to me at 8 or 9 pm some nights--long after he's had dinner and jokes--my tank is not full--can I eat again? I say yes because of his small size of 75 pounds and just as short as his 8-1/2 year old brother. My younger son "Desean" weighs 73 pounds. Now with Lee jr eating more and the right foods-I Don't worry--I don't think he will be getting fat. He has a hard time keeping his weight. Anyway--I was saying exactly that--My ex-wife kicked me to curb and said--the kids would be better off with me. Then to make herself happy--(I guess) Went on to have now 3 more. A- 7 year old with twins at 5 yrs old. What can I do but to take care of my boys? That is to be here and become the best Father I can be. It sounds crazy that my back injury works right in with their care. They have a parent who is always around. She went through a couple of confusede mind sets--"I want my kids and oh--now I don't. Then when the case came to court--she informed me--she wasn't going to show up. Who gets the custody? So now she has kids by 3 different Men. I never mentioned I met her when she had just a 13 month old little boy. A few of my so called work mates--friends cracked big time jokes about me dating a Woman with a child. I took it and never looked back. But as a real Man I took care of him as if he was my very own. For a small time--I had all three of them with me. Until the oldest made 8 years old. I had him for 2 years. What did this Woman do a 1 year later? Went to court and asked once her child came back to her--Asked the Judge to make me pay Child support. She said--I was his Dad--because I said so. It was to limit her child support to the kids I have here. I am not his biological Father--unless she is the modern virgin Mary. I say sometimes--"Please God--help her-please-! As I am speaking now--I have them at the table doing "hidden Messages & Word Finds"--it's on different history events. I do this every year to re-open the little brains. Since school is starting again my area on August 13th. Many people have told me--you're making them book worms and more. But I had a straight A student and my son who is sick sometimes has the A's and B's going strong. Even when he's missed school for pain episodes --I will go to the school and ask for the weeks work. I told him--the best way to prove to your absent Mom--you are somebody--is to be somebody. I will not stop being in your corner-both of your corners for as long as God allows me here on this mortal coil. I am now 50 years old now--a Black Man with kids almost 9 and and 11 years old. If my life plays out well--I will be 60 once they are grown Men and I still hope for many more years. In fact I want to see Lee the 3rd and maybe Desean Junior. That's my two kids names. Back to the subject...I live in a 4-plex now due to the Katraina storm hit( I had to move 400 miles away from the coast of Mississippi). I live next door to a young Woman who has 3 babies Daddy's and she is addicted to more. Has a "live in" boyfriend and is not ashamed to sneak in a guy while her boyfriend is at work. We're speaking of a 23 year old lady with 3 little kids. I feel so ashamed to see this. I know that many Parents have grown children who is my age. I just waited to have kids after my Military service. It shows my generation have been raising daughter without some strong morals. Oh well--I got a big shock to my system when I married a younger Woman. That is why I said--Oh well. I have now seen a lot of this same behavoir from other Women in the mid-twenties to early to late thirties. I know that one of the bigger causes are the Men. They're following our leads in having kids. Men can leave a lot of the kids behind. But many times when the Women play the Sex all the Men I want"Game--they can get caught up in the mix. Some of the many Women will fall for the "Okie doke" and have a Man say he Loves them soo much--Let's have sex. She will say--"Ok, I need love--so let me give him some sex". Then there is that time--"hey--let's not use condoms--I know you and you know me. We are ready to go further in our relationship. Many times there are stories of Men who leave the Women just before the 7th Month. Fear sets in--he see's the dollars flying with wings from his wallet. "Oh Look at the time--gotta go". I guess I thought different about leaving. I wasn't in love with the Woman on the first sexual experience with her. I now know--My son wanted to be here badly and it was meant to be. I am not ashamed to say--My condom broke and it shocked me. Within 60 days--we both knew there was a new life living inside of her. I took the needed steps to know her much better and looked forward to a long future.My ideas of that seemed like a fairy tale at best...Sometimes we all make mistakes, we all speed ahead without a inkling of what is really reality of the day we live in now. I guess--I was thinking--maybe marriage would enhance our lives. Many of the Men now who look for Women of the Bill Clinton era--they feel that they need to go it alone. Whcih brings me to the other thread I wrote. Getting married to an Asian Woman or maybe another race. I have gotten kicked in the teeth with that one already:cry

[green 6]

Lee4, I must tell you that I always enjoy reading your posts. I love the honesty, thought and the love that you put into them and into your life as I understand it from reading your comments. I will tell you that I grew up in the era of feminism, an era where we women needed to claim equal rights and standing, and so we were anxious to let ourselves and the rest of the world know that we can stand on our own feet and do not need to depend upon men.

I have since noticed that children who grow up in families lacking responsible, stable, and loving adult males - fathers or fatherly-type adults (uncles, grandfathers, etc) - seem to miss them and to suffer on some deep level, both boys and girls. Sometimes it seems to me that if children are to be left with only one parent to raise them they may be better off with their fathers for they will find a series of good and nurturing women as role models in their schools, in the mothers of their friends, etc.

My great niece is being raised alone by her mother and her contacts with loving and fatherly men are few. This little kid is always on the hunt for fathering. Fortunately my brother is anxious to take a hands-on role with his grand-daughter but he lives in Virginia and the child lives in Canada.

I have also noted the same thing with my husband's 2 nieces. Their mother and father have been engaged in an ugly on-going divorce which has been going on for years. The kids live in France but spend their summers here in Canada. They adore my husband and he adores them. They have told him many times over the years that they consider him to be their real father and he is a kind, loving, and hands-on dad with them. These kids are still really young; the elder one is only 11 and the younger one is now 8. My husband has been their summertime father for at least 5 years.

Little girls need to be around good men. This is how they will learn to avoid the bad ones when they grow up. Little boys need to be around good men. This is how they learn to become good men when they grow up.

I confess that I am inclined to grow angry when I hear of women and men making babies carelessly. It is always the children who suffer and I don't believe that any woman who really loves her children can be so careless about the way she chooses to introduce them into this world. Afterall, folks can have sex without getting pregnant, eh.

I am very happy to hear that you are the one who is raising your boys. It is very cool that your boys have a daddy. It is very cool that you are teaching them to enjoy school and that they are learning about nutrition. Knowledge is always power.

That they have Sickle Cell Anemia is terribly sad news. This is hard on the boys and on you. You are right: it takes two parents for this illness to be passed on and it is not your fault. It is a question of genetics is all. I guess you are aware that this genetic aberation originated in connection with malaria. I guess you may know that eastern European Jews also have a terrible genetic disease which is passed on in the same horrible fashion as Sickle Cell Anemia. The disease is called Tay-Sachs, and any baby born with this will die, a horrible experience for its parents to watch. For a baby to have Tay-Sachs it must receive the defective gene from both parents.

[Lee4love1 0]

Thank you for the long reply--I appreciated that very much. I must make one correction--my oldest child is the only one to have the desease of "Sickle Cell Anemia". He has the "SC" part of it. Sickle Cell trait has no ill effect until we are well into our 50's and 60's I'm told. I just feel that my job will be ongoing for a long time.

I see the little girls and boys--but once I talk to one of them--I know if there a Dad in the home. It's a shame to see the kids ages 8 through the teen age years calling each other names and sometimes the "N-bomb". The same word we are fighting terribly right now.

My life had no real Dad in it--even though I knew who he was. But somehow--he had other things in mind as he was an abuser to my Mom. he couldn't have been much as a Dad or a Father. My Mom finally grew tired of his tactics and his hands on her.When I turned 8 years old--she was leaving our place of Birth (Richmond, Virginia)--taking us to Brooklyn, NY.

So I live with a legacy that can be bad for some--but good for others. My Dad is dead now--I hardly got a chance to know the real Man. I've talked him more as a Man than a child. MY mind was set in my teen years that I am never going to be like him at all. I strive day in and day out--thinking on many moments--how can I improve who I am. My kids know they are spoiled so badly. But who is going to spoil them--if I don't?? We just came from Memphis, TN about 7:15 PM central time--buying some nice suits. The new light weight type. I am shocked--my oldest picked a peach colored one and my younger child picked sky blue. Yes--they will be hemmed tonight--by me so they can wear them to church in the A.M. We'll be headed there at about 10 am--then maybe out to the Movies--maybe if the weather isn't too hot.

It's a shame that I get child support--but not moral support from their Mom. No phone calls, no letters reach me. The last Phone calls were back in Jan-2006. I asked her--if she could not tell the children the truth--why bother with calling. They ask her why she is like she is and she lies. So since I ussued that altermatum--she's refused to call. If I ask my boys--"hey Guys--You can call your Mom"...I get--"Daddy, we will call her later"...It's a sad sad world in which we live in sometimes...

[ELENATION 0]

Personally, I feel that the government should not be telling us how many kids we can have. It should be something that we take the responsibility to do ourselves.

Brandy, if you ask your friend how much time she spent taking care of her 16 siblings, I will bet a lot of money that she will say, "A lot." To me, that's inexcusable. When a couple has 17 kids, they simply don't have time to give them all the attention they should have. If "middle-child syndrome" is so bad when there are only three kids, think how bad it is when you are stuck in the middle of 17. Between working to provide the necessities for 17 kids and actually attempting to care for 17 kids, there isn't enough time in the day. Kids should be kids. They shouldn't be forced into the role of parent or caretaker simply because their parents decided to pop out sixteen other kids. Learning responsibility is great, but it can easily be taught without having to have 17 kids. Those kids are probably more responsible than most adults you know because they were forced to essentially grow up a lot earlier. They weren't allowed to be the kids they should have been.

I am firm believer in not having more kids than you and your spouse can take care of. It isn't considered "kosher" to send them off to live with Granny when you start having more than you can look after at one time, so why is it okay to have your older kids become surrogate parents? If the only way you can take care of all your kids is to have other people (even family) look after them, you have had too many.

Your friend's family sounds great on the surface, but look deeper. Were they allowed to be kids? Or were they forced to grow up before they were ready because Mom and Dad couldn't give everyone the attention they should have?

I'm sorry, but what makes you such an expert when you don't have any kids?

And by the way, when I hear someone say "I don't even want one kid" that to me is extremism........so it is in the eye of the beholder after all.........

[ELENATION 0]

Amen to that!

[Lee4love1 0]

That's a lot of kids who don't have solid Parents...You have be dedicated no matter if you have 1 or 17...It's a job that is tough and can be hard for some...

[ELENATION 0]

Agreed 100%!

[gadgetlady 4]

I think the OP's real feeling about kids in general are in the title of the thread: stop having so many DAMN kids. There's more to every story . . .

[anonemouse 1]

I'm sorry, but what makes you such an expert when you don't have any kids?

And by the way, when I hear someone say "I don't even want one kid" that to me is extremism........so it is in the eye of the beholder after all.........

So wait, I can't make a comment on any topic regarding children, just because I don't have any of my own? I think any person in the world has the right to add their two cents, simply because of the fact that for that person to exist, they were someone's child. I may not have had the experience of being someone's parent, but I have experienced being someone's child. Forgive me for thinking that people should place the well-being (mental and physical) and welfare of their future or existing children first, not their own selfish desires for a large family. I want ALL children to experience childhood, not what amounts to premature parenthood.

And do you not think that people should only have children that they can care for? Or do you think that it is perfectly okay for people to have as many kids as they can, without thought for how they will be feeding them, clothing them, educating them? Is it alright for people to have children that they can't afford to feed, can't afford to buy even thrift-store clothing for, or can't afford to send to school?

[green 6]

I believe that everyone has the right to comment on any topic regarding children. Those of us who do not have children are still members of the human race and though we have not met the second half of the equation - we have not become parents - we certainly were children. Indeed it might be argued that it is because of the damage we sustained during round one that we have opted out of entering into round two. We all should be allowed a voice, I think.

[BJean 16]

Yeah, that's like saying that because I haven't had cosmetic surgery I can't comment on its possible value. Puleeeze.

I am very impressed that there are some people here who are smart enough to know that they don't want children. Some of us have to have kids before we know if we really should have had them. That's pretty irresponsible if you stop and think about it.

[ELENATION 0]

You certainly have the right to put your two cents, what I said was that you are most definitely no expert on the subject because you don't know what being a mother is, the love for your child is by far different than the love that you may feel for anybody else, it's unexplainable....and you dear have not had the opportunity of feeling that way and obviously will never feel it....

I agree with some of your points, however, why don't we leave them up to the potential parents, I will certainly not leave it up to you....again, you are no expert on the matter....