Trying to get family to change - A little rant

[Supersweetums 1,164]

OK, I just need to rant a little because I am feeling frustrated. I am almost 2.5 years post op and have been pretty much maintaining for the last year. But I have to watch what I eat all the time. If I start to slip, I start to gain. I keep the junk out of the house, and my immediate family is either on board/ don't know any different (I have young children). Where I am struggling is my Mom. Now, don't get me wrong, she was one of my biggest supports when it came to getting the surgery. That being said, she always has food around. I have asked her nicely, begged, and have broken down crying, just trying to reason with her that not everything has to revolve around food. So with this Easter, we did not buy our children many treats, just a couple of chocolate eggs that I knew I wouldn't eat and got them present instead. My mom asked if she could get them some treats. I told her a little bit. Then they show up, and she has bags of candies and chocolates, along with the bag of chocolates and candies that my Grandma gives and refuses not too.

Now I am good at limiting how much my children eat. But me, I am a food addict. I admit it. If it is sitting there in front of me, I cannot resist it. That is why I do not keep anything that I like in my home. I am trying to convey to her how hard it is for me to have all that food around, and she is getting better. But I just can't seem to get it across. I saw one person that they did a coin hunt instead of an Easter Egg hunt, maybe I will have to try that instead. I am not anti-treat. I made a homemade pumpkin pie and enjoyed a piece. I am anti-15 lbs of chocolate for everyone!

Love to hear others experiences and how you have dealt with them.

[No game 14,437]

I totally get what your saying! my mom was on the phone with me yesterday telling me that it was cruel and unusually punishment not to get the kids a basket and please just run out and get one! o_0.

My children were fine I let them go across to the store and buy two Cadbury eggs each.

I am a addict I cannot have that in my house.

My mom doesn't understand, even though she is a recovering alcoholic..

I'm sorry that happened to you and I know how hard it is to take something away from your kids when they already have it..

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I come from a family of food lovers. They aren't all obese like I was, but we are big eating, hard working, hard playing kinda family...lol

Personally, I don't have expectations of changing anybody just like they couldn't change me - I had to do it myself. When I go to family events, I make sure I am not overly hungry, I have a plan etc etc. I honestly avoid certain areas at a gathering, I don't hang out at the food buffet line which is a feature at every family gathering.

I know this isn't much help, but I can relate!

As it relates to my own little family, I have come to realize I was the center of the food problems. The first 6 months post op I did have to do alot of asking the guys to keep the junk food out of the house. Once they got used to it, it was easy for them - I was the food addict and the one that bought that crap "for the guys". Sad, but true. Even now, when I am tempted to get them a "treat" I have to remind myself that I am telling the same lie that every addict tells - that I am doing it for them when in reality,I am buying it for me.... so I walk away before it ever hits the grocery cart. Heaven help me... so far it is working. I didn't know I was such a liar before... I really didn't know.

[chitowngirl 885]

That is really frustrating. Not only because its hard for us to resist, but also because its teaching your children bad habits. It's pretty clear that your mother and grandmother are not going to change. What you can do is keep the candy in your house and the very next morning give it away. Take it to your doctors office, give it to someone in another dept at work so it's not easily accessible to you. I even go around and give everyone a work a few pieces. Good luck and keep fighting the good fight.

[lsereno 2,525]

I agree with chitowngirl. Just take the candy, let the kids pick out a few pieces to keep and give the rest away or just toss it. Have a little talk with the kids about limiting candy.

Lynda

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Some of it has already gone in the garbage. The problem is we live 5 hours away from each other. My parents have been here for 4 days now, and when we go there it is a minimum of 3 days. If it was just a short social function/evening, it would be a lot easier. But when we are there, the food literally sits out on the counter for the entire visit. I am not asking my mom to change what she does with herself, I just don't want her really bringing it all to me. I am hoping it gets better as time goes on. I think next year I am going to have a no candy policy and see how that goes over!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I don't have kids or parents....but I do dread going to my inlaws for family functions now because the food...and especially the home made Desserts are everywhere. They spend all day and night preparing one huge meal after another. People sit around waiting for enough food to pass so they can get up and eat some more. Home made pecan pies are just falling off trees there...my favorite. I almost can't wait to leave now, I used to enjoy spending time there. But when you're trying to eat right and not indulge those bad demon behaviors, it's so hard when the temptations are all right in front of you. And relatives (especially the older ones) don't see any reason to change anything. You just can't get it through their heads that it's about your health and living longer as opposed to dying young.

[lilbearzmom 584]

Home made pecan pies are just falling off trees there...my favorite.

If you tried it it would probably make you sick anyway. I can't imagine eating that now. I used to love that pie also, but God, it's so freaking rich..ugh.

My husband like a lot of "junky" things- I have him keep them in his office. Pre-surgery, sometimes I would go in there and sneak some stuff, but I havent done that in awhile.

-Kendra

[Butterthebean 8,146]

If you tried it it would probably make you sick anyway. I can't imagine eating that now. I used to love that pie also, but God, it's so freaking rich..ugh.

My husband like a lot of "junky" things- I have him keep them in his office. Pre-surgery, sometimes I would go in there and sneak some stuff, but I havent done that in awhile.

-Kendra

Oh how I wish it were true. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can't eat. I've eaten pecan pie, ice cream, donuts (I'm so weak around donuts) and candy bars. No problems whatsoever. How I wish for some projectile vomitting once in a while...maybe some slimes or dumping. But no...nothing.

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Oh how I wish it were true. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can't eat. I've eaten pecan pie, ice cream, donuts (I'm so weak around donuts) and candy bars. No problems whatsoever. How I wish for some projectile vomitting once in a while...maybe some slimes or dumping. But no...nothing.

I can eat almost anything now too, which makes it hard. And I am so glad to hear from you Butter! You seemed invincible, and to know that sometimes you struggle makes me feel not so alone. Not that you are not a superhero, you have done amazing and I look up to you!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I can eat almost anything now too, which makes it hard. And I am so glad to hear from you Butter! You seemed invincible, and to know that sometimes you struggle makes me feel not so alone. Not that you are not a superhero, you have done amazing and I look up to you!

Very sweet of you to say. Yes I think we all struggle. And we all deal with our struggles in different ways. And somedays we can conquer those struggles better than others. Knowing we are not alone certainly helps.

[No game 14,437]

One week after Easter!!! I thought I made it through scot free. No such luck! I just got back from my mother in laws house I had to go drop off the dog because we are going camping tomorrow... Well right before I leave she hands two Easter "bags" full of candy for the kids AND

Another bag for my husband and I "if I wish to partake" she said. Lord above help me Cadbury eggs and chocolate Bordeaux Eggs!!!

The agony! The temptation! I need to be strong but being strong has always been my weak point

: /

[mark! 449]

This is where my goals come in to play. Anytime I'm tempted to eat junk, or trying something that isn't going to fit in to my calorie/carb/protein requirements for the day, I think about my long term goal. I think about how much it's going to set me back, how long I'm going to have to run on the treadmill to burn a stupid chocolate egg, for what? 20 seconds of good taste? I'll take my chicken or tuna and Protein. It's hard at first, but once you do it enough times it becomes 2nd nature, and I've no longer had the urge for sugary junk.

My family, well part of them has been welcoming to the new healthy eating, my wifes parents still ask if I can eat this and that, and 90% of the time, it's junk. My 9 year old is on this health kick, lifting weights with me and running, working out constantly and he's been making great progress. He has confidence issues but since he's started working out, those who diminished greatly. But their grand parents don't respect HIS wishes of wanting to eat better food while with them and they always end up feeding him crap and candy, which in reality what kid isn't going to partake? I know I did as a kid. I look at my father in law, he had bypass surgery several years ago, and has put on all the weight plus some. My mother in law isn't large necessarily, but she has all kinds of food allergies, and continues to eat those foods that make her sick time and time again. Their idea of a fun evening is sitting around the TV. It's really frustrating to say the least.

[No game 14,437]

Mark I applaud your discipline! I'm hoping I can muster some more up! I'm finding the further out you get the easier somethings get but on the flip side... the further out you get somethings (like being able to eat more) get more challenging.

[Fiddleman 4,376]

BTB - unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean with the sleeve not helping with restriction on certain foods. My vice right now are Protein bars. I eat too many of them. Maybe I need to not eat any *at all* because they always seem to trigger a desire for another one. And I give in. All the time.

It might be best just to go back to Protein shakes in order to avoid eating too many calories from these. Throw them away or hide them in my garage. Right now they are in my home office where I work and very easy to grab.

I miss the easy days when it was hard to eat and even a Protein Bar did not go down well. It is too easy to eat for the last 3-4 months (month 6 and later) and there are not many roadblocks from the stomach unless I am eating very solid Protein like chicken and/ or raw veggies. I do try and eat like like this, but have grown really fond of scarfing a Protein Bar after a hard workout. Bad habit.

My family, fortunately, has been really supportive about helping me eat right post op. This includes immediate as well as extended family. However, I do have to say my extended family really ate and ate over Easter dinner. Really astonishing to watch.

Also I do not buy that we maintainers need to exercise religiously just to live a normal life of eating, with some indulgences. I do not see thin people doing this. I happen to like hard exercise for the sake of fitness, but not for the sake of erasing an indulgence here or there. That seems insane because a person can never exercise enough to keep up with calorie in. Been there and done that in the past. It does not work. I am not saying I have this problem. However, I am saying I do not want to find myself in this epic exercise / food battle because I know what will happen. Not going there. Nope.

For now, I just need to lay off the Protein Bars. They are too addicting for me to have in close quarters.

Maybe this is just a phase that shall pass. I hope so.

Sorry for the additional rant on this rant thread.